Pregnant at 42.5 and with serious marital issues

[Anonymous]

OP, is your husband taking medication for his bipolar?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.
I hate to say this, being close to your age but wait a few weeks and see what happens. Also get one of those non invasive genetic tests, if possible and if your faith/ values allow for it. Don't rush into a decision.

[Anonymous]

I would just add to all the other comments that you need to realize that he would probably get 50% custody of both kids if he wanted it. While it might be okay to leave a 6 year old with someone who was ill equipped to meet her needs (because she can sort of take care of herself), the same can not be said for an infant.

I would not rush to a decision on abortion. Talk it over with friends, family and clergy. While it seems like a valid choice, you need to be really sure that you are able to handle it yourself. No one else should make that call for you one way or the other.

Best wishes. Know that there are many people out there rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

I would consider the pregnancy ONLY if I had extensive family/financial resources to get me through a difficult time. Even then bringing a new baby into an already unstable, volatile mix is scary.

OP--does your husband know you are pregnant?


I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Well at least y'all are havin sex, which is better than a lot of folks on here.

[Anonymous]

Abort or leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well at least y'all are havin sex, which is better than a lot of folks on here.

so that's why there are so many mean people on these focums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd abort if I were you. Your loyalty has to be to the child who already exists. She's living in an abusive home, she can't count on a stable father, her mother is a victim, her parents may or may not get divorced, and then on TOP of that her mother may be distracted by a pregnancy and then a newborn? No. Not fair to her.

Sorry, OP.

Omg the assumptions being made here! Abusive home? OP is a victim? We know next to nothing about you OP except that your inclination is to not abort. Yeah, your situation needs work but is it possible this child's timing is not an accident, in the "karma" sense? All the odds were against it. So overwhelmingly against. And yet, here it is. I'd see it through.

[Anonymous]

Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Appreciate the thoughts and support. I think I'm 6, maybe 7 weeks judging from LMP. I don't want to abort but this situation is bad for a new baby. I've considered adoption but I wouldn't be able to give my baby up once here.

Hugs, OP!!! It sounds tough. I want to share my experience, Im a 40's mom also of a recent newborn. My marriage was in a not great place when I got pregnant. But like you, I did not want to abort.

Now that baby is here, I am SO glad he is!!! In my case, my marriage has improved a lot. Not saying that is going or not going to happen for you. What I'm saying is-I am so glad to have the chance to be his mom, no matter what happens. I'm old enough to know that I can't predict the future-I'm just giving my best to him, and I know I am a strong and capable woman-no matters what happens. And I imagine that you are too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

This is the most asinine thing I've ever read on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

This is the most asinine thing I've ever read on dcum.

I totally agree. Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

OP is very close to old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

OP is very close to old age.

Says the chick with the maturity of a 12-year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BC fail. What should I do? My husband is bipolar and we aren't sure if we're headed for divorce. Our therapist just referred him to anger management counseling due to abuse in our marriage. She won't see us until he completes anger management therapy. We have one child, age 5.5.

Oh god.

at least youve been having regular sex. Try that one on for size. Most people here have a decent relationship but becuase of the lack of sex, they want a divorce too. Shit never ends. Pick your poison.