Contacting Biological Father

[Anonymous]

Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if your dad said "I haven't witnessed any accidents, hit and run or otherwise."? How would your DH keep up the ruse then?

Our "plan" was for husband to go to bio-father's office, identify himself as a Blank City Detective and ask to speak with him privately. Once alone, he would tell bio-father who he was and what he wanted - hand my bio-father the medical questionnaire our doctor gave us - and them tell bio-father he could tell his co-workers, secretary, etc. that this Blank City Detective wanted to talk to him about seeing a hit and run or witnessing some other auto accident.

It isn't a ruse - it's just a way to give bio-father a way to cover my husband's visit!

I really explained this badly - I'm sorry!

That's not at all how you explained it initially. In addition, if he has a wife he may not want to speak privately. Then what? This is just an all-around poor idea. Very childish that you would send someone to ask on your behalf.

Chances are bio-father's wife doesn't work in his business office.

And so what if I am being childish?! I want the information without having any contact with the man who knocked up my mother and never lifted one finger to help her!!! Her entire life from the age on 19 on was to work (she had to quite college - he didn't) and work hard and take care of me. My mother gave me a wonderful life but she never had one.

So what? You are an adult. If you are genuine in your quest for information you would care about handling my this with maturity.

+1000 You sound too melodramatic, OP. Just because somebody in the other thread did it with a positive outcome, doesn't mean you need to play "copycat." This is not trending.

You didn't "need" medical history until you read about what the other pregnant lady's husband did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

What she wishes has the potential to get her husband fired among other things.

She got good advice about how to get the info she wanted and should have thanked the posters and moved on. She's the one who turned into the story of the tragic, abandoned teen mom. This is 2014, not 1954. At this point, it's all based on Mom's word anyway. Really, a letter in a safety deposit box to be read after her death? Mom didn't want OP to form a relationship with the father if Mom knew where he was all along.

[Anonymous]

Please contact the Center for Adoption Studies,
4000 Blackburn Lane, Suite 260, Burtonsville, MD 20866 Phone: [phone], in VA: 703.256.3820

They offer services for adults. Even though you were not adopted, dealing with birth-parents presents special issues that you may not have considered. They may be able to help.

[Anonymous]

I would find a lawyer to send a generic health history form and to act as an intermediary.

Definitely don't just send your DH over unannounced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if your dad said "I haven't witnessed any accidents, hit and run or otherwise."? How would your DH keep up the ruse then?

Our "plan" was for husband to go to bio-father's office, identify himself as a Blank City Detective and ask to speak with him privately. Once alone, he would tell bio-father who he was and what he wanted - hand my bio-father the medical questionnaire our doctor gave us - and them tell bio-father he could tell his co-workers, secretary, etc. that this Blank City Detective wanted to talk to him about seeing a hit and run or witnessing some other auto accident.

It isn't a ruse - it's just a way to give bio-father a way to cover my husband's visit!

I really explained this badly - I'm sorry!

That's not at all how you explained it initially. In addition, if he has a wife he may not want to speak privately. Then what? This is just an all-around poor idea. Very childish that you would send someone to ask on your behalf.

Chances are bio-father's wife doesn't work in his business office.

And so what if I am being childish?! I want the information without having any contact with the man who knocked up my mother and never lifted one finger to help her!!! Her entire life from the age on 19 on was to work (she had to quite college - he didn't) and work hard and take care of me. My mother gave me a wonderful life but she never had one.

Lots of women didn't quit college entirely when they had a baby. Your mom could have taken time off, then returned, if only part-time until she finished her degree.
Why didn't your mom file for CS?
And why did she raise you to believe that your birth and rearing caused her to not have a wonderful life?

I'm not interested in explaining my mother's motives or situation to you. I SAW that my mother had a very hard life, she never complained - not once.

She should have worked hard to conceal her martyrdom and depression. A child shouldn't know that their single parent is having a very hard life. When my grandmother was widowed in the 1950s, she ate one meal a day and told her kids that she was dieting when they asked why she didn't eat breakfast or lunch (kids came home for lunch in those days). My mother and her siblings were pretty far into adulthood before an uncle explained that his sister gave up her other two meals so that the kids had enough to eat.

STFU You have no clue what our lives were like. And when you don;t know something, it's generally better to keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please contact the Center for Adoption Studies,
4000 Blackburn Lane, Suite 260, Burtonsville, MD 20866 Phone: [phone], in VA: 703.256.3820

They offer services for adults. Even though you were not adopted, dealing with birth-parents presents special issues that you may not have considered. They may be able to help.

OP here - thank you! I will contact them tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

She claims she doesn't want contact or acknowledgement.

However, she wants to lie and involve her detective husband in tracking him down and questioning him.

OP what if you hear a story that you don't want to hear? Your Mom disappeared and never contacted him? What if he wants to know you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

What she wishes has the potential to get her husband fired among other things.

She got good advice about how to get the info she wanted and should have thanked the posters and moved on. She's the one who turned into the story of the tragic, abandoned teen mom. This is 2014, not 1954. At this point, it's all based on Mom's word anyway. Really, a letter in a safety deposit box to be read after her death? Mom didn't want OP to form a relationship with the father if Mom knew where he was all along.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would find a lawyer to send a generic health history form and to act as an intermediary.

Definitely don't just send your DH over unannounced.

Thanks, that's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what if your dad said "I haven't witnessed any accidents, hit and run or otherwise."? How would your DH keep up the ruse then?

Our "plan" was for husband to go to bio-father's office, identify himself as a Blank City Detective and ask to speak with him privately. Once alone, he would tell bio-father who he was and what he wanted - hand my bio-father the medical questionnaire our doctor gave us - and them tell bio-father he could tell his co-workers, secretary, etc. that this Blank City Detective wanted to talk to him about seeing a hit and run or witnessing some other auto accident.

It isn't a ruse - it's just a way to give bio-father a way to cover my husband's visit!

I really explained this badly - I'm sorry!

That's not at all how you explained it initially. In addition, if he has a wife he may not want to speak privately. Then what? This is just an all-around poor idea. Very childish that you would send someone to ask on your behalf.

Chances are bio-father's wife doesn't work in his business office.

And so what if I am being childish?! I want the information without having any contact with the man who knocked up my mother and never lifted one finger to help her!!! Her entire life from the age on 19 on was to work (she had to quite college - he didn't) and work hard and take care of me. My mother gave me a wonderful life but she never had one.

Lots of women didn't quit college entirely when they had a baby. Your mom could have taken time off, then returned, if only part-time until she finished her degree.
Why didn't your mom file for CS?
And why did she raise you to believe that your birth and rearing caused her to not have a wonderful life?

I'm not interested in explaining my mother's motives or situation to you. I SAW that my mother had a very hard life, she never complained - not once.

She should have worked hard to conceal her martyrdom and depression. A child shouldn't know that their single parent is having a very hard life. When my grandmother was widowed in the 1950s, she ate one meal a day and told her kids that she was dieting when they asked why she didn't eat breakfast or lunch (kids came home for lunch in those days). My mother and her siblings were pretty far into adulthood before an uncle explained that his sister gave up her other two meals so that the kids had enough to eat.

STFU You have no clue what our lives were like. And when you don;t know something, it's generally better to keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.

Well at least we are getting somewhere now. It's crystal clear that this is about more than genetic history. It's about getting vengeance for your Mother's and your suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

Thank you. I clearly had a bad "plan" but never expected to have my mother attacked by cowardly fools.

Honestly, I just want the medical history - I should have simply asked the best way to get a medical history from a biological father I never met. Or I never should have posted on this forum in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And so what if I am being childish?! I want the information without having any contact with the man who knocked up my mother and never lifted one finger to help her!!! Her entire life from the age on 19 on was to work (she had to quite college - he didn't) and work hard and take care of me. My mother gave me a wonderful life but she never had one.

Lots of women didn't quit college entirely when they had a baby. Your mom could have taken time off, then returned, if only part-time until she finished her degree.
Why didn't your mom file for CS?
And why did she raise you to believe that your birth and rearing caused her to not have a wonderful life?






I'm not interested in explaining my mother's motives or situation to you. I SAW that my mother had a very hard life, she never complained - not once.

She should have worked hard to conceal her martyrdom and depression. A child shouldn't know that their single parent is having a very hard life. When my grandmother was widowed in the 1950s, she ate one meal a day and told her kids that she was dieting when they asked why she didn't eat breakfast or lunch (kids came home for lunch in those days). My mother and her siblings were pretty far into adulthood before an uncle explained that his sister gave up her other two meals so that the kids had enough to eat.


STFU You have no clue what our lives were like. And when you don;t know something, it's generally better to keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.


Actually, you've supplied a lot of clues about what your lives were like. Consider therapy before you have any contact --indirect or not-- with your alleged biological father. For your sake, his sake, and the sake of your future kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

Thank you. I clearly had a bad "plan" but never expected to have my mother attacked by cowardly fools.

Honestly, I just want the medical history - I should have simply asked the best way to get a medical history from a biological father I never met. Or I never should have posted on this forum in the first place.

Yes, why subject us to your soap opera? Mr. Google could have netted you that answer in 5 minutes. Actually, I'm sure that your police officer husband knew the answer already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh stop attacking Op and her dead mother. Her father was a dead beat asshork who doesn't deserve any respect. Let her do as she wishes and stop making it seem as of she is doing something wrong. She is nervous and obviously wants some info on him or at least for himyo acknowledge her. If he took responsibility her life and emotions would have been very different. She wouldn't be here today posting this question. You DCUM women can be such bitches sometimes. When one starts attacking all you other bitches jump on board.

Thank you. I clearly had a bad "plan" but never expected to have my mother attacked by cowardly fools.

Honestly, I just want the medical history - I should have simply asked the best way to get a medical history from a biological father I never met. Or I never should have posted on this forum in the first place.

Yes, why subject us to your soap opera? Mr. Google could have netted you that answer in 5 minutes. Actually, I'm sure that your police officer husband knew the answer already.