Contacting Biological Father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attorney here again - I have got to run, Ladies. You were wrong and OP was right. However, I tend to doubt OP is still reading this thread.

My personal advice to OP if she is still reading this thread - get an attorney in the state where your father lives. He/she can contact your biological father for you with the same cloak of privacy for your father.

This is advice she should follow.

Leave poor DH out of it.

[Anonymous]

My circumstances were a little different from you in that I searched for and contacted my biological mother and then biological father---i felt very driven to make contact prior to having a child of my own. I am close to you in age (born in 1971). You cannot be sure that your father really knows you exist. My birthfather was led to believe that my birthmother had an abortion (not legal then but family was affluent and certainly could have pursued this option). Imagine his surprise when he got a call at the age of 47 and learned he had a 30 year old daughter! I think the very best way to make initial contact is to attempt a phone call---have a script ready with exactly what you plan to say. This way, there is no deception, no letters end up in the wrong hands, and you haven't compromised his privacy (or your integrity!) in any way. For 30 years, I had myself convinced that I only cared about finding my birthmother---not my birthfather. Low and behold, it has been my birthfather's side of the family that has been the most welcoming---and the side of the family that I and my son most resemble. Good luck---I know how hard this is. You need to be able to live with your conscience about how you handled the initial contact. The fact that your mom left this info for you when she died tells me that she wants you to make contact and that there may be more to the story than she told you.

[Anonymous]

Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

Damnest not amnesty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

I only contacted by biological mother for her family's medical history. I was raised by my Dad and my stepmother who I love so much and really wanted nothing to do with the woman who left me when I was six months old. I contacted biological mother by mail and sent her a detailed form about her family's medical history. She filled it out and sent in back to me. And that was that. Sixteen years later and I still have no contact or desire to have any contact with biological mother.

Sorry you had such a bad experience but you situation, from everything I have read, is the exception and not the norm.

[Anonymous]

What does it really matter? You can get the genetic screenings done for you and DH. That wont guarantee a healthy baby though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

You chose to keep the baby rather than abort, so surely you expected contact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - My husband is a detective (plain clothes) so he wouldn't be walking in in uniform and cops are always allowed to "give cover" so there is no problem there.

But maybe you guys are right - I should just send him a letter with a medical questionnaire. When I read that this other woman did send her husband to contact her bio-father, it just seemed like an easier idea.

I love how it's OK for cops to lie. It just makes me feel so...safe and secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

You chose to keep the baby rather than abort, so surely you expected contact?

I was 16 and underage and idiot parents who refused to let me have an abortion. So, no, I did not expect to ever hear from this bastard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

You chose to keep the baby rather than abort, so surely you expected contact?

I was 16 and underage and idiot parents who refused to let me have an abortion. So, no, I did not expect to ever hear from this bastard.

She ever tell you how she found you? Just curious, I thought with closed adoptions parent information wasn't released to the other party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think u have the right to your medical history.

Find a really thorough form to give him. And then maybe you should mail it to him. Or call him at his office, and ask him where you can send it?


Having your husband show up with some fake story is weird. If an officer showed up at my workplace it would be a huge source of gossip.

+1 and it puts your BF in a position to have to lie to his colleagues.
Your plan would be very inappropriate and much more dramatic than just sending him a darn letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

You chose to keep the baby rather than abort, so surely you expected contact?

I was 16 and underage and idiot parents who refused to let me have an abortion. So, no, I did not expect to ever hear from this bastard.

I am sorry for your pain and hope therapy will give you some peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullshit, OP. Medical history is nothing more than a ruse on your part to get to him so you can establish a relationship with him. I gave up a child conceived in a brutal rape at knifepoint and I never wanted any v contact. She managed to find me and also" just wanted medical history. " It only took her a month to ask for money. Leave this man alone. If your DH came to visit f me as you have suggested I'd do my amnesty to have him fired.

You chose to keep the baby rather than abort, so surely you expected contact?

Well aren't you the butthole of the year