Contacting Biological Father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a cop said to a young woman, "I need to speak with you in connection to an accident." and then asked for her phone number.

I can guarantee he is going to face unpleasant professional consequences.

That is not what OP proposed. If the Police Officer said, in your example, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" and then asked her out when they were alone - there would be nothing illegal or unethical about it. And that is what OP proposed. That her husband identify himself and ask to speak to the father alone.

You cannot guarantee he will face unpleasant professional consequences because he wouldn't. This I know for a fact.


It's actually not a horrible idea in the given circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a cop said to a young woman, "I need to speak with you in connection to an accident." and then asked for her phone number.

I can guarantee he is going to face unpleasant professional consequences.

That is not what OP proposed. If the Police Officer said, in your example, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" and then asked her out when they were alone - there would be nothing illegal or unethical about it. And that is what OP proposed. That her husband identify himself and ask to speak to the father alone.

You cannot guarantee he will face unpleasant professional consequences because he wouldn't. This I know for a fact.


It's actually not a horrible idea in the given circumstance.

OP said

My husband is a police officer and could visit my biological father without causing any disruption in his life (he could say that maybe my bio-father witnessed a hit-and-run or something)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a cop said to a young woman, "I need to speak with you in connection to an accident." and then asked for her phone number.

I can guarantee he is going to face unpleasant professional consequences.

That is not what OP proposed. If the Police Officer said, in your example, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" and then asked her out when they were alone - there would be nothing illegal or unethical about it. And that is what OP proposed. That her husband identify himself and ask to speak to the father alone.

You cannot guarantee he will face unpleasant professional consequences because he wouldn't. This I know for a fact.


It's actually not a horrible idea in the given circumstance.

She stated under the guise of police business (she said maybe a witness to a hit and run). There is a big difference between "hi mr. Smith, I'm Detective JOhnson may I speak with you privately? Yes ok, great. My wife is Larla johnson and ...." And what OP proposed which is. "Hi mr smith. I'm detective johnson and I need to speak with you about a hit and run you may have witnessed. Actually there was no hit and run..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Disagree. The OP was proposing something unethical, that her detective husband represent himself as a on-duty LEO for personal reasons. Sorry, but this is quite different from your attorney-centric explanation.

Agree.
I just called my brother about this. He's a police officer. He said that OP's DH can't say "I'm here to ask you about a hit and run." if he's really there to ask about his wife's paternity.

That is not what OP proposed. Call you brother back and ask him if an LEO can say "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" since that is precisely what OP proposed and then get back to us.


Read more carefully. The OP only suggested that her father could say that the police officer was there to talk about a hit and run or some other traffic incident as a cover FOR THE FATHER rather than have the father put in a position where he had to say that the visitor was the husband of his secret daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a cop said to a young woman, "I need to speak with you in connection to an accident." and then asked for her phone number.

I can guarantee he is going to face unpleasant professional consequences.

That is not what OP proposed. If the Police Officer said, in your example, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" and then asked her out when they were alone - there would be nothing illegal or unethical about it. And that is what OP proposed. That her husband identify himself and ask to speak to the father alone.

You cannot guarantee he will face unpleasant professional consequences because he wouldn't. This I know for a fact.


It's actually not a horrible idea in the given circumstance.

She stated under the guise of police business (she said maybe a witness to a hit and run). There is a big difference between "hi mr. Smith, I'm Detective JOhnson may I speak with you privately? Yes ok, great. My wife is Larla johnson and ...." And what OP proposed which is. "Hi mr smith. I'm detective johnson and I need to speak with you about a hit and run you may have witnessed. Actually there was no hit and run..."

Read all of OPs posts - that is not at all what she wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a cop said to a young woman, "I need to speak with you in connection to an accident." and then asked for her phone number.

I can guarantee he is going to face unpleasant professional consequences.

That is not what OP proposed. If the Police Officer said, in your example, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" and then asked her out when they were alone - there would be nothing illegal or unethical about it. And that is what OP proposed. That her husband identify himself and ask to speak to the father alone.

You cannot guarantee he will face unpleasant professional consequences because he wouldn't. This I know for a fact.


It's actually not a horrible idea in the given circumstance.

She stated under the guise of police business (she said maybe a witness to a hit and run). There is a big difference between "hi mr. Smith, I'm Detective JOhnson may I speak with you privately? Yes ok, great. My wife is Larla johnson and ...." And what OP proposed which is. "Hi mr smith. I'm detective johnson and I need to speak with you about a hit and run you may have witnessed. Actually there was no hit and run..."

AGAIN, that is not what OP proposed!!! Is reading comprehension a problem for you people? She explained clearly in a second post that the lie about the hit and run would be offer for the father to use after her husband left.

[Anonymous]

If that's the case, OP could have just had her husband approach the bio-dad on the street when he runs weekend errands without his wife. No need for coworkers to know at all. "Hi! I'm Larla Johnson's husband."

No need to risk that her bio-dad might think that her husband has a legitimate police reason to detain or question him.

[Anonymous]

This is what OP wrote"

OP again - I think that with my idea my bio-father can give me the information I need WITHOUT causing any drama in his life. Bio-father could just say that there was a cop asking questions about his being a witness to an accident and that's the end of it. He never has to tell his family, if he has one, about me. Honestly, all I want is his medical history.

Again, maybe it's a bad idea but the point was to get the information without me having to contact him and without causing bio-father ANY problems.


Seriously, ladies, it is not a bad idea! OP is giving her father cover in his place of business by having her LEO husband present him with a medical questionnaire.

[Anonymous]

OP's DH walks into bio-dad's place of business. "I'm Officer Duddly Doright of an out of state police force. May I speak to Mr. Daddy Maybe?"

Receptionist: "Mr. Daddy Maybe is about to step out to lunch. May I ask what this is about?"

DH: "Um...um..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If that's the case, OP could have just had her husband approach the bio-dad on the street when he runs weekend errands without his wife. No need for coworkers to know at all. "Hi! I'm Larla Johnson's husband."

No need to risk that her bio-dad might think that her husband has a legitimate police reason to detain or question him.

True. However being questioned by an identified police officer in no way leads anyone to believe they are going to be detained!

Honestly, I cannot understand why everyone thinks OP's "plan" was so bad? She was protecting her father's privacy and comfort - more so then having her husband follow him and approach him on the street when he was alone - but has the same result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's DH walks into bio-dad's place of business. "I'm Officer Duddly Doright of an out of state police force. May I speak to Mr. Daddy Maybe?"

Receptionist: "Mr. Daddy Maybe is about to step out to lunch. May I ask what this is about?"

DH: "Um...um..."

Attorney here again - see that is the beauty of OP plan - no receptionist would ever ask that of a police officer! If a receptionist did ask the cop could say "No".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Disagree. The OP was proposing something unethical, that her detective husband represent himself as a on-duty LEO for personal reasons. Sorry, but this is quite different from your attorney-centric explanation.

Agree.
I just called my brother about this. He's a police officer. He said that OP's DH can't say "I'm here to ask you about a hit and run." if he's really there to ask about his wife's paternity.

That is not what OP proposed. Call you brother back and ask him if an LEO can say "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" since that is precisely what OP proposed and then get back to us.


Read more carefully. The OP only suggested that her father could say that the police officer was there to talk about a hit and run or some other traffic incident as a cover FOR THE FATHER rather than have the father put in a position where he had to say that the visitor was the husband of his secret daughter.

Here is what the OP said:

My husband, as a cop, could go to my bio-father's office and ask to speak to him privately about a hit-and-run he may have witnessed or something similar. Then, once alone, tell bio-father who he was and what we want from him.

Did read it more carefully and indeed the OP said my husband, as a cop... She did not say my husband "as a husband." She specifically wanted her husband to reference himself as a cop which changes the whole dynamic. Big difference.

[Anonymous]

Attorney here again - I have got to run, Ladies. You were wrong and OP was right. However, I tend to doubt OP is still reading this thread.

My personal advice to OP if she is still reading this thread - get an attorney in the state where your father lives. He/she can contact your biological father for you with the same cloak of privacy for your father.

[Anonymous]

She has a right to health info.

She has a right to decline social contact with the bio-dad.

What squicks me is even the most remote involvement of her husband AS a police officer. It's simply avoidable. I doubt that her dad works in such a nosy office that there is going to be a blizzard of questions about a male visitor who stays a few minutes to hand over an envelope.

The whole thing seems designed to intimidate Dad. Who may not in truth even know that she exists, despite mom's Days of Our Lives-style letter in the lockbox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry all you hysterical "couch cops". I'm an attorney with the city and any police officer can approach you at any time and say, "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately". You don't have to go, you don't have to talk - but there is nothing at all wrong with doing what the OP suggested. Her husband's occupation only gave the biological father a plausible lie as to who the man was and what he wanted if his co-workers asked later.

Further, my little hysterics, anyone at any time can approach you and say something like, "I'm Dr. Smith from General Hospital and I'd like to speak to you privately" or "I'm Principal Skinner from City High School and I'd like to talk to you privately".


So calm down, ladies! The OP was right and her husband would not be doing anything illegal or unethical.

Disagree. The OP was proposing something unethical, that her detective husband represent himself as a on-duty LEO for personal reasons. Sorry, but this is quite different from your attorney-centric explanation.

Agree.
I just called my brother about this. He's a police officer. He said that OP's DH can't say "I'm here to ask you about a hit and run." if he's really there to ask about his wife's paternity.

That is not what OP proposed. Call you brother back and ask him if an LEO can say "I'm Officer Smith and I'd like to speak to you privately" since that is precisely what OP proposed and then get back to us.


Read more carefully. The OP only suggested that her father could say that the police officer was there to talk about a hit and run or some other traffic incident as a cover FOR THE FATHER rather than have the father put in a position where he had to say that the visitor was the husband of his secret daughter.

Here is what the OP said:

My husband, as a cop, could go to my bio-father's office and ask to speak to him privately about a hit-and-run he may have witnessed or something similar. Then, once alone, tell bio-father who he was and what we want from him.

Did read it more carefully and indeed the OP said my husband, as a cop... She did not say my husband "as a husband." She specifically wanted her husband to reference himself as a cop which changes the whole dynamic. Big difference.

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