Queen Bee Mom unhappy with me and I'm afraid my kid will pay the price

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any adult who uses the term queen bee gets what she deserves. It is a silly term that kids might use but no self-respecting adult should be describing other adults as queen bees.

Have you managed to pick up all your pearls yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any adult who uses the term queen bee gets what she deserves. It is a silly term that kids might use but no self-respecting adult should be describing other adults as queen bees.

What is your preferred moniker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any adult who uses the term queen bee gets what she deserves. It is a silly term that kids might use but no self-respecting adult should be describing other adults as queen bees.

What is your preferred moniker?

THIS.

OP, just stay away from her. No one else likes either. You know this, right? If not yet, soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:QBM instructing me on how to run school fundraiser but things went in different direction (what she wanted unavailable). Over past four years, she has made numerous snide remarks about my child (implying that she's not too bright) so I'm not a fan of QBM but try to avoid any conflict or hint of conflict. This time, exasperated, told her I couldn't redo plans but she was welcome to take over. Now gives me silent treatment. Do not care about being friends with her, but she and her kid cannot be avoided. How did you manage being ostracized by QBM?

Is the school GDS? Are you talking about me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:QBM instructing me on how to run school fundraiser but things went in different direction (what she wanted unavailable). Over past four years, she has made numerous snide remarks about my child (implying that she's not too bright) so I'm not a fan of QBM but try to avoid any conflict or hint of conflict. This time, exasperated, told her I couldn't redo plans but she was welcome to take over. Now gives me silent treatment. Do not care about being friends with her, but she and her kid cannot be avoided. How did you manage being ostracized by QBM?

Is the school GDS? Are you talking about me?

I would respond with "did you just say that out loud"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:QBM instructing me on how to run school fundraiser but things went in different direction (what she wanted unavailable). Over past four years, she has made numerous snide remarks about my child (implying that she's not too bright) so I'm not a fan of QBM but try to avoid any conflict or hint of conflict. This time, exasperated, told her I couldn't redo plans but she was welcome to take over. Now gives me silent treatment. Do not care about being friends with her, but she and her kid cannot be avoided. How did you manage being ostracized by QBM?

Is the school GDS? Are you talking about me?

I would respond with "did you just say that out loud"?

OP here. No, not GDS. Not even private!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you will pay the price and so will your DD. I hate QB moms.

I disagree. I don't think your DD will NOT pay a price. I encountered a QB bullying mom when chairing a committee for my kid's school. I doubt anything you do will be up to snuff b/c there's no pleasing these control freaks. There's not much she really can do to you and GOOD for you for standing up for yourself. I wish I had done the same.

[Anonymous]

Parents of older kids, please tell me that middle school changes up the dynamic. Everyone else is dreading MS because our MS is huge and then there are the hormones. I say GREAT. I'm glad MS is big, and I'm glad parents aren't welcome in the same way they are in ES. This idea that the "kid will pay the price" is insane, but I've seen some crazy QB / PTA shit in our school, so I know it's plausible.

Some people need to go back to work or get a hobby that keeps them out of their kids' schools.

[Anonymous]

^ Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the QB all of the time and push back - HARD - when/if she ever says anything negative about your child.

Moms, let's not give our power away! That is more important for your daughter to see than you "pretending" to be "nice" and actually be a doormat for an aggressive, nasty QB. Teach your daughters to stand up for themselves by…standing up for yourself. I've done this with a group of QB types at my children's school and you know what, now, THEY kowtow to me. They are the ones who walk on eggshells around me (after all, they KNOW I'll call out any bullish#%!).

Claim and demand your own position. If you don't, you are choosing to be a doormat and you are, in fact, allowing the QB baloney to continue.

That said, you have to be strong to do this. You have to go into it not caring if they "like" you or think you are "nice" in the end. Truth is they aren't in it for "liking" or for "niceness", so you've got nothing to lose.

I tried that a few years ago. DS's playdates dried up, and most of the mutual mom acquaintances went to the QB's side. Whatever you do, the QB will twist it so that you look like the nutjob and make sure every other mom knows her version of the story.

Do I care? No. I have a pretty demanding job, kids with busy schedules, and no time in my day for petty school dramas. But just know that it doesn't always get better if you stand up to the QBs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the QB all of the time and push back - HARD - when/if she ever says anything negative about your child.

Moms, let's not give our power away! That is more important for your daughter to see than you "pretending" to be "nice" and actually be a doormat for an aggressive, nasty QB. Teach your daughters to stand up for themselves by…standing up for yourself. I've done this with a group of QB types at my children's school and you know what, now, THEY kowtow to me. They are the ones who walk on eggshells around me (after all, they KNOW I'll call out any bullish#%!).

Claim and demand your own position. If you don't, you are choosing to be a doormat and you are, in fact, allowing the QB baloney to continue.

That said, you have to be strong to do this. You have to go into it not caring if they "like" you or think you are "nice" in the end. Truth is they aren't in it for "liking" or for "niceness", so you've got nothing to lose.

I tried that a few years ago. DS's playdates dried up, and most of the mutual mom acquaintances went to the QB's side. Whatever you do, the QB will twist it so that you look like the nutjob and make sure every other mom knows her version of the story.

Do I care? No. I have a pretty demanding job, kids with busy schedules, and no time in my day for petty school dramas. But just know that it doesn't always get better if you stand up to the QBs.

I hear you, but I still believe that pushing back this way - and not caring about her reaction/whether she likes you/etc.- is the only way to go. If others really take to her (or believe her "story") or whatever, I say good-riddance. This is the part where not caring becomes important. You don't want your child around this type of social circle anyway (the kids learn from the parents after all). Yes, it's crummy, but when people show you who they are, you must listen and act appropriately. If it means no more superficial chit-chat with a nasty school mom, so be it. If it means your child gets iced out by the children of this type of mom, so be it. Just means you have to find other, more compatible parents and kids. So worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of older kids, please tell me that middle school changes up the dynamic. Everyone else is dreading MS because our MS is huge and then there are the hormones. I say GREAT. I'm glad MS is big, and I'm glad parents aren't welcome in the same way they are in ES. This idea that the "kid will pay the price" is insane, but I've seen some crazy QB / PTA shit in our school, so I know it's plausible.

Some people need to go back to work or get a hobby that keeps them out of their kids' schools.

You must be part of my child's school community! So over the petty dynamic at the ES and counting down to the start of MS. Others complain about the MS being "so big." I can't wait - for my child and for me - to get away from the small-minded, insular, nastiness disguised ad do-gooding by the moms at this school. Can't wait for these control freaks to be shut out of MS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of older kids, please tell me that middle school changes up the dynamic. Everyone else is dreading MS because our MS is huge and then there are the hormones. I say GREAT. I'm glad MS is big, and I'm glad parents aren't welcome in the same way they are in ES. This idea that the "kid will pay the price" is insane, but I've seen some crazy QB / PTA shit in our school, so I know it's plausible.

Some people need to go back to work or get a hobby that keeps them out of their kids' schools.

Yes, middle school does change the dynamic. We all step away from our kids somewhat.

Middle school is awful in its own way because of the hormones, but it is also great.

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand is why people always side with the QB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand is why people always side with the QB.

Fear that they will be next on the QB's list....