Queen Bee Mom unhappy with me and I'm afraid my kid will pay the price

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why would this belong in the private school thread. our school is public and this could easily be a situation. just keep you head held high, OP, you handled it well.

sorry-- I honestly didn't realize this was so prevalent. I volunteer on an (only) occasionally basis at my child's school and while I've encountered a certain clique who obviously all volunteer more often, I've never noticed anyone who was "QBM" or who was so petty/rude.

[Anonymous]

"Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads" has a lot of useful strategies for defusing this type of behavior from parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would this belong in the private school thread. our school is public and this could easily be a situation. just keep you head held high, OP, you handled it well.

sorry-- I honestly didn't realize this was so prevalent. I volunteer on an (only) occasionally basis at my child's school and while I've encountered a certain clique who obviously all volunteer more often, I've never noticed anyone who was "QBM" or who was so petty/rude.

Don't play into (or create) drama. Just do your part as a volunteer, try your best, work nice with those around you...and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would this belong in the private school thread. our school is public and this could easily be a situation. just keep you head held high, OP, you handled it well.

sorry-- I honestly didn't realize this was so prevalent. I volunteer on an (only) occasionally basis at my child's school and while I've encountered a certain clique who obviously all volunteer more often, I've never noticed anyone who was "QBM" or who was so petty/rude.

Don't play into (or create) drama. Just do your part as a volunteer, try your best, work nice with those around you...and you'll be fine.

I'm not sure avoiding all those with bullying tendencies is possible in this area, if you want the sad but honest truth.

[Anonymous]

our kids school has a few queen bees and it drives them nuts when I don' tpay any attention to them. They are starved for attention, they create drama adn have that fake hello to them ......aghhhhhhhh can't stand them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why would this belong in the private school thread. our school is public and this could easily be a situation. just keep you head held high, OP, you handled it well.

sorry-- I honestly didn't realize this was so prevalent. I volunteer on an (only) occasionally basis at my child's school and while I've encountered a certain clique who obviously all volunteer more often, I've never noticed anyone who was "QBM" or who was so petty/rude.

Don't play into (or create) drama. Just do your part as a volunteer, try your best, work nice with those around you...and you'll be fine.

I'm not sure avoiding all those with bullying tendencies is possible in this area, if you want the sad but honest truth.

And nobody wants to work w/bullies. So just play nice yourself. That's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you have against pronouns, OP?

Do you mean articles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so sorry and I know this happens. I don't want to make you feel worse.

This is exactly why I stay off my kid's turf. I stay out of their school. I wish the PTeacherA had a balance of teachers involved which might curb these QBM. I quickly learned that the PTA was more about satisfying Moms' social needs, which can take a bad turn, and my child deserved their own turf uncomplicated by my relationships.

+1 Another mom with the QB PTA mom. The petty meanness and taking out on my DD is just amazing.

Same here. That's why I never join the PTA. It is always hijacked by these bully Queen Bee moms and regular ol' parents don't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I'm sorry, OP, how long does your DD still have at this school?

My neighbor started screaming at me at pick-up time at school at the beginning of the school year - turns out she is an active volunteer at school, and knows a lot of people although most don't get a friendly vibe from her. She was irate about the polite objections I had raised about the PTA directory.

Just keep to the business at hand and be unfailingly courteous to everyone. Nothing confuses a Queen Bee so much as someone who won't be cowed into submission

This is wishful thinking at best, pure delusion at worst.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the QB all of the time and push back - HARD - when/if she ever says anything negative about your child.

Moms, let's not give our power away! That is more important for your daughter to see than you "pretending" to be "nice" and actually be a doormat for an aggressive, nasty QB. Teach your daughters to stand up for themselves by…standing up for yourself. I've done this with a group of QB types at my children's school and you know what, now, THEY kowtow to me. They are the ones who walk on eggshells around me (after all, they KNOW I'll call out any bullish#%!).

Claim and demand your own position. If you don't, you are choosing to be a doormat and you are, in fact, allowing the QB baloney to continue.

That said, you have to be strong to do this. You have to go into it not caring if they "like" you or think you are "nice" in the end. Truth is they aren't in it for "liking" or for "niceness", so you've got nothing to lose.

[Anonymous]

That said, you have to be strong to do this. You have to go into it not caring if they "like" you or think you are "nice" in the end. Truth is they aren't in it for "liking" or for "niceness", so you've got nothing to lose.

THIS. The don't matter as much as they would like to think they do. No one likes them, or values them, I guarantee it. The world would still spin without them, just as it has for so many years.

The QBM and QBD I know are a bunch of trash who never had anything, and are afraid of returning back to their hell. This is a sure fire way for them to do it! When push comes to shove, they have very little. It has nothing to do with you, OP. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so sorry and I know this happens. I don't want to make you feel worse.

This is exactly why I stay off my kid's turf. I stay out of their school. I wish the PTeacherA had a balance of teachers involved which might curb these QBM. I quickly learned that the PTA was more about satisfying Moms' social needs, which can take a bad turn, and my child deserved their own turf uncomplicated by my relationships.

+1 Another mom with the QB PTA mom. The petty meanness and taking out on my DD is just amazing.

OP here. Yes, valid point. Although in fairness lots of the other parents are cool. Also, parents are involved in lots of kids activities, such as sports teams, scouts, etc. There's no way to run the activities without some parent volunteers. This particular QBM has told me multiple times that she went to a top Ivy, which is nice, but not required for the sorts of volunteering we are involved with. I know other parents with that background but they don't need to discuss it. I think it may have led her to assume that no one else can handle basic tasks without that accreditation.

It helps to remember that people like this are deeply insecure and to remind yourself of how awful it must feel to be them. It doesn't solve all your problems but it helps now and then to remember that in some respects this person is a mess inside and you're lucky to not be like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:QBM instructing me on how to run school fundraiser but things went in different direction (what she wanted unavailable). Over past four years, she has made numerous snide remarks about my child (implying that she's not too bright) so I'm not a fan of QBM but try to avoid any conflict or hint of conflict. This time, exasperated, told her I couldn't redo plans but she was welcome to take over. Now gives me silent treatment. Do not care about being friends with her, but she and her kid cannot be avoided. How did you manage being ostracized by QBM?

Consider it a blessing. Now you are free from caring what she does because it doesn't matter what you do. Always act as if your child were watching you from a potted plant in the corner -- always act toward QBM in a way you wish your child would emulate. Know that most moms don't give a flying YOUKNOWWHAT about QBM and her antics. Just seek them out. It is harder to find them because they don't gossip about each other or other people's children.

+1. Also, Blarf. Sorry you have to deal with this stuff OP.

[Anonymous]

Any adult who uses the term queen bee gets what she deserves. It is a silly term that kids might use but no self-respecting adult should be describing other adults as queen bees.

[Anonymous]

^ Ugh, there goes the QB....