I have a sexless and loveless marriage. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned sexless marriage.
How long has it been since the last time you had sex? Did he initiate? Did you?

I don't remember who initiated, but I think August was last time, and it was 2-3 months before that. He initiates most times, sometimes I do too.

Hey! August is not THAT bad. I am serious. I mean, while DD was very little once every 2-3 months was pretty much the norm. At least this is not like the threads where some poor schmuck (or schmuckette) hasn't gotten any in 2 years or something.

Honestly, OP's depression is what makes me most sad here. And she really does seem depressed. When you are in the midst of depression (and I've been there), it is very difficult, if not impossible, to see things clearly or for what they are. You are just so deep in your funk that everything looks like shit. Is her DH oblivious because he is cruel and no longer interested in holding the marriage together or is he oblivious and not interested in counseling because he just doesn't understand how deep OP's dissatisfaction is? There have been times where I am just so miserable and sad and dissatisfied and DH just doesn't even know how bad I feel. And if I then blew up, he was just totally blindsided, even though as far as I was concerned, I was making it very clear how unhappy I was! There could be so many things going on here, but OP needs to pull herself out of her misery first before she makes another move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you two have busy professional commitments?

Yes but not as busy as most in this region. He works the longer hours and I've begged him to come home earlier at least on Fridays. I think if he loved me, he would made an effort to be a little more efficient during the week so he can be home at a reasonable hour on Fridays. I told him last time in counseling that I felt lonely on Fridays. So much for empty promises.

[Anonymous]

PP , hopefully you are getting it more than 2-3 months now. I have been following this thread and dont think OP is depressed. She just needs to be shown more affection.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband is missing out. You sure are trying to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Once every 2-3 months already qualifies officially as a sexless marriage, of which the official definition is no more than eight times a year.

How long Has it been like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once every 2-3 months already qualifies officially as a sexless marriage, of which the official definition is no more than eight times a year.

How long Has it been like this?

2-3 years

[Anonymous]

Your shower head must be getting old.
Is it better during vacations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP , hopefully you are getting it more than 2-3 months now. I have been following this thread and dont think OP is depressed. She just needs to be shown more affection.

Maybe you are right? I don't know, I'm getting super sad vibes from her posts. Like she just seems really hopeless. Maybe I am just projecting?

That first year after a baby- sometimes it was ROUGH. Sex was actually painful because of the way my labor went- for a whole freaking year! That was a big turn off for DH.

I've been married 6 years and I feel like DH and I had more rough patches than most people. But I don't know, we just keep on trucking, and each new rough patch is slightly less rough than the rough patch before. And people think we are just the jolliest little couple and I have no clue why because we are pretty open about this.

In short, MARRIAGE IS FREAKING HARD.

[Anonymous]

No questions, just what to say I'm in the same boat. Sending you positive thoughts. It sucks but you have yourself and your kids. And FWIW in this world, that is definitely something to be thankful for, but also it doesn't take away from the reality of the sadness a situation like this can create.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your shower head must be getting old.
Is it better during vacations?

No we usually fight on vacations. oh and the shower head is a new discovery that's not used very often since I'm rarely alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a lot of friends? Does your husband?

[Anonymous]

OP i have to say it again, you are very interesting!

[Anonymous]

23:11 here glad you are doing better (23:34).
looks like another sleepless night for us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No we usually fight on vacations.

The fight during vacations probably is an indication of a problem in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I feel so thankful for my lovely kids. So sweet and joyful. The only affection i get is from them. It's not their fault their dad doesn't show me affection. No celebration of wedding anniversaries. Ever. I don't think I can diagnose myself, but I am so sad at the state of our marriage, I feel numb like I said earlier. Probably depression at some level. Calling therapist tomorrow. Good night DCUM night owls. I'll check back tomorrow sometime.