"Post Secrets" type thread

[Anonymous]

I pushed away my BF when I was in grad school and he was an undergrad (I was three years older, I was working on my thesis, a bunch of excuses). Truth was he wanted more and I wasn't ready. Fifteen years later he came back to me and we had an affair. He is married with two children. It's over now but I still want him. And yes, he told me their marriage was pretty much over. Guess what? It wasn't.

Nobody knows except my sister and she understands. Since this is a confessions thread thought I'd unload. No need to castigate.

[Anonymous]

Like the OP, I find that I have a huge, stupid, midlife crisis crush on a married man. I have always been kind of obsessed with fidelity since I suffered through my parents' infidelity. And now here I am, my marriage struggling a bit, trying to make myself cut this guy out of my life, when another part of me desperately wants to keep him, because he's the bright spot right now, the thing that makes me happy, happier than I've been in so long. I am completely floored that I am in this situation. I never, never, never thought I would feel like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A family member's spouse molested me as a teen and I went on to have a sexual relationship with that person.

I feel like shit about it, no need to lecture me.

You shouldn't feel like shit about that, and no one has any right to lecture you. You're not the first victim who's ended up in that situation, not by a long shot. I hope you find a way to not feel like shit about it. Not your fault at all.

[Anonymous]

Wait, I'm 23:18, and let me rephrase -- what shocks me the most is that I'm more concerned about the feelings of the guy's wife (who I've barely met) than I am about the potential impact on my own marriage. I feel incredibly weird and fucked up about that fact. Why is she what's stopping me and not my husband and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like the OP, I find that I have a huge, stupid, midlife crisis crush on a married man. I have always been kind of obsessed with fidelity since I suffered through my parents' infidelity. And now here I am, my marriage struggling a bit, trying to make myself cut this guy out of my life, when another part of me desperately wants to keep him, because he's the bright spot right now, the thing that makes me happy, happier than I've been in so long. I am completely floored that I am in this situation. I never, never, never thought I would feel like this.

This is the deal with the Devil so to speak. Soul (ruin) for what seems like happiness. It's a screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A family member's spouse molested me as a teen and I went on to have a sexual relationship with that person.

I feel like shit about it, no need to lecture me.

You shouldn't feel like shit about that, and no one has any right to lecture you. You're not the first victim who's ended up in that situation, not by a long shot. I hope you find a way to not feel like shit about it. Not your fault at all.

Anonymous wrote:

No lectures, hugs only. ((()))

Thanks to both of you for the kind words.

I wasn't innocent in it all. It was a combination of my low self-esteem at the time and zero previous romantic/sexual interaction that turned me confronting that person over the unwanted incident into me agreeing to continue it and even being the aggressor at times.

Sigh. I've been to therapy for it but it was utterly unhelpful (I felt bad for the poor therapist, he didn't know what to say to me) so now I just live with the knowledge of what I did.

[Anonymous]

My BIL made a pass at me when his wife (SIL) was sleeping at the other end of the room (touched my chest). I don't think I should tell my DH.

[Anonymous]

I am charmed by a man who is infatuated with a friend that in fact has her eye on me.

[Anonymous]

At a crappy point in my marriage, I reconnected with the guy I was engaged to in college. He dumped me, and I lived with the pain for years. He lives in a different city I travel to sporadically on business. We met a few times for drinks, coffee, etc. Then, finally, at my hotel. I really hoped it would turn in to something. Instead, it freaked him out. We've e-mailed and texted but haven't seen each other since that night. Now, a few years later, my marriage is back off the ropes and he is getting a divorce. I told him I won't sleep with him but still care and would love to see him for coffee when I'm next in his city. Honestly, he was the best lover I ever had, 20 years ago and now. Yet, I can't do that to my husband. But, I can't seem to stop keeping in touch with him, either. I really think it sucks that we keep missing each other, but I also hope that there is a reason for all this and that we really are not meant to be together. Yet, I feel most myself and most alive when I talk to him. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a crappy point in my marriage, I reconnected with the guy I was engaged to in college. He dumped me, and I lived with the pain for years. He lives in a different city I travel to sporadically on business. We met a few times for drinks, coffee, etc. Then, finally, at my hotel. I really hoped it would turn in to something. Instead, it freaked him out. We've e-mailed and texted but haven't seen each other since that night. Now, a few years later, my marriage is back off the ropes and he is getting a divorce. I told him I won't sleep with him but still care and would love to see him for coffee when I'm next in his city. Honestly, he was the best lover I ever had, 20 years ago and now. Yet, I can't do that to my husband. But, I can't seem to stop keeping in touch with him, either. I really think it sucks that we keep missing each other, but I also hope that there is a reason for all this and that we really are not meant to be together. Yet, I feel most myself and most alive when I talk to him. Ugh.

Hmm. I know I don't know the whole story, but he doesn't sound good for you. He seems great to you when you're at a low point in your marriage, but he has consistently disappointed you and left you. I'd advise you to drop the plans of a coffee date. If you do end up sleeping with him it's possible you'll get hurt all over again.

[Anonymous]

I slept with a Care Bear until AFTER my DD was born. When we moved last year, he was put on a shelf and I've been too embasarred / proud to get him down. But I also feel guilty for leaving him up there. (This is obviously weird unresolved clinging to my uncomplicated and happy childhood.)
Oh, and I'm married by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still in love with my ex husband. He turned out not to want kids after a few years of marriage and we got a divorce because I did. I am married to a man that is 1,000 times the dad he ever would have been, but I still don't love him like I do my ex husband.

This is a very real and powerful statement.

Honest in the extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A family member's spouse molested me as a teen and I went on to have a sexual relationship with that person.

I feel like shit about it, no need to lecture me.

You shouldn't feel like shit about that, and no one has any right to lecture you. You're not the first victim who's ended up in that situation, not by a long shot. I hope you find a way to not feel like shit about it. Not your fault at all.

Anonymous wrote:

No lectures, hugs only. ((()))

Thanks to both of you for the kind words.

I wasn't innocent in it all. It was a combination of my low self-esteem at the time and zero previous romantic/sexual interaction that turned me confronting that person over the unwanted incident into me agreeing to continue it and even being the aggressor at times.

Sigh. I've been to therapy for it but it was utterly unhelpful (I felt bad for the poor therapist, he didn't know what to say to me) so now I just live with the knowledge of what I did.

This is actually VERY TYPICAL behavior. I learned this after I was raped and became really promiscuous. Eventually, a therapist helped me find other ways to "get my power back." That can be what prompts sexual aggression in someone who has been abused. Rather than feel like a victim, you take on another role.

No one should judge you for this. I pray you are in a healthier, safer space now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I slept with a Care Bear until AFTER my DD was born. When we moved last year, he was put on a shelf and I've been too embasarred / proud to get him down. But I also feel guilty for leaving him up there. (This is obviously weird unresolved clinging to my uncomplicated and happy childhood.)
Oh, and I'm married by the way.

I still sleep with a stuffed animal. If I'm traveling and don't have one I use a pillow. I'm 36. I just sleep better that way.

DH doesn't mind-in fact he does the same thing some nights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have the same problem.

Do you go to the wife's Facebook page hoping to see pictures of the husband?

I do and I also his mom's FB page. Almost every day.