If you had an affair that lasted longer than a year, tell me about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

No guilt or fear. I don’t really even feel like I’m leading a “double life.” I have a wife and an AP. It’s the same life.

Because you are a fkd-up compartmentalizer.

Your wife on the other have will definitely feel like she was in another universe when she learns the truth. It is so disorienting and messes with your head for life. You don’t know up from down for a long time afterwards. You question everything and trust no one. It’s very traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:H did it for 18 months, his garbage therapist commended him for his compartmentalization skills.
I knew it most of the time it was going on, the children noticed his personality shift. Likely because of the stress of living many lies he couldn’t withstand the slightest inconvenience without having an existential meltdown and tantrum.
Just be honest and leave

Same with the enabling therapist!

I don’t think it’s fair to assume we know the entire context of that therapist’s comment. I immediately thought s/he was introducing some levity to the situation when he was describing his state of mind during the affair. Or even just a neutral comment because it was probably true.

The whole time I was suggesting marriage improvement clinics, intimacy building board games, sending him podcasts about improving relationships and he was madly in love with someone else.
His therapist told him that my wanting to work on the marriage put pressure on him to build up walls and compartmentalize his life with her and with me. His fragile psyche had to split in two because of the perceived pressure I was putting on him to improve our relationship when really all he wanted me to do was to take care of the kids, cook dinner and leave him alone to play on his phone with his girlfriend for hours in the bathroom.

He lacks any sort of grit and capacity for accountability, his therapist was an enabler and did nothing but help him formulate excuses for amoral behavior by cloaking them in psychology terms. He would come home from therapy and couldn’t wait to rattle off these sentences that sounded just like Instagram memes.

And what did you learn about yourself that doesn’t paint you as the martyred victim?

Not a victim, I just had an extended brush with a person with faulty wiring who is fast becoming a tangential character in the story of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

No guilt or fear. I don’t really even feel like I’m leading a “double life.” I have a wife and an AP. It’s the same life.

Because you are a fkd-up compartmentalizer.

Your wife on the other have will definitely feel like she was in another universe when she learns the truth. It is so disorienting and messes with your head for life. You don’t know up from down for a long time afterwards. You question everything and trust no one. It’s very traumatic.

+1 every vacation, holiday, family event, kid’s birthday is ruined for me during that time. You search pictures, emails, voice mails and can’t believe the double face lies. It ruined memories for me completely. Very happy memories got washed out when I found out spouse was cheating during those times. It’s just awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

No guilt or fear. I don’t really even feel like I’m leading a “double life.” I have a wife and an AP. It’s the same life.

What is AP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

Way more hos on this forum that think it’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

No guilt or fear. I don’t really even feel like I’m leading a “double life.” I have a wife and an AP. It’s the same life.

A trash bag is a trash bag in any neighborhood.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

Where do you place those other behaviors? Are they unacceptable but less so or more so than cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:H did it for 18 months, his garbage therapist commended him for his compartmentalization skills.
I knew it most of the time it was going on, the children noticed his personality shift. Likely because of the stress of living many lies he couldn’t withstand the slightest inconvenience without having an existential meltdown and tantrum.
Just be honest and leave

Same with the enabling therapist!

I don’t think it’s fair to assume we know the entire context of that therapist’s comment. I immediately thought s/he was introducing some levity to the situation when he was describing his state of mind during the affair. Or even just a neutral comment because it was probably true.

The whole time I was suggesting marriage improvement clinics, intimacy building board games, sending him podcasts about improving relationships and he was madly in love with someone else.
His therapist told him that my wanting to work on the marriage put pressure on him to build up walls and compartmentalize his life with her and with me. His fragile psyche had to split in two because of the perceived pressure I was putting on him to improve our relationship when really all he wanted me to do was to take care of the kids, cook dinner and leave him alone to play on his phone with his girlfriend for hours in the bathroom.

He lacks any sort of grit and capacity for accountability, his therapist was an enabler and did nothing but help him formulate excuses for amoral behavior by cloaking them in psychology terms. He would come home from therapy and couldn’t wait to rattle off these sentences that sounded just like Instagram memes.

Cheating is absolutely abhorrent. Having said that, you probably have a major flaw(s) for him to behave like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still love her. We lasted close to two years. Love of my life and soul mate. Surely she is over me now. I still think of her when I open my eyes.

How did it start? How did it end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

LOL, which is funny because something like 50% of people commit adultery. Actions speak louder than words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

You are no judge. I will be judged by one and I’ll meet him some day.
🖕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

You are no judge. I will be judged by one and I’ll meet him some day.
🖕

Cardinal sin. You will meet the one with horns. Have fun in hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel you live a double life? What about the guilt or the fear?

I had numerous affairs over several years. I didn’t think about it.

You are dysfunctional. Lacking character and empathy.

Who are you to judge others?

I can judge a morally wrong behavior and ascribe characteristics to a person that lies.

I’m not alone. Americans place cheating on a spouse dead last on a list of acceptable behaviors, behind abortion, cohabitation, pornography, out-of-wedlock births and divorce, among others. A puny 6 percent say adultery is acceptable, according to polls.

You are no judge. I will be judged by one and I’ll meet him some day.
🖕

Cardinal sin. You will meet the one with horns. Have fun in hell.

NP. It’s a nice thought that people you are angry with will go to hell. But hell doesn’t exist. It’s a childish fantasy. Channel your energy into living a good life and don’t be so fearful and rigid. Good luck to you.