College Parent Pages/ Helicopter Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

[Anonymous]

Try not judging. My one is very independent and the other well will see. People
know their kids and are trying to help them.
I remember growing up how many kids dropped out of school and really had hard lives. This was an era where parents, for the most part, didn’t know how to support their kids. Yes you hear crazy stories where parent is staying down so weird yes but for the most part parents are providing safety net for kids who need it. No shame in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

that's great, but not all kids are mature enough to be independent in HS.

I have two kids: one is like what you describe, the other is not. Both were late bloomers, but personality has a lot to do with it.

Most 18 yr olds are not very mature. I was at 18. I did everything myself, but that was because I had to since my parents didn't speak any English, and I was first gen. I had zero support and help navigating the college process and within college (large state school). It would've been helpful if I had some support. Sure, it made me super independent, but it also made me anxious and stressed. I'm glad I can be there for my kids. That's not to say that I am a helicopter or a snow plow parent, but I will make sure that they are aware of important things and are able to handle issues, though I don't post it on FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

Also, many MS kids are NOT ready for full independence. Had I left my ADHD/anxiety ridden 11 yo to fend for themselves in MS, I'd most likely still have a kid age 26 living in my basement working PT jobs randomly. Instead, we got them the therapy they needed in late ES, continued thru MS and into HS and got them help for their lack of EF. I stayed involved thru most of HS to ensure they didn't fall off track. But the key was, I expected them to become more independent, as appropriate for their level of development. I had them learn to stand up for themselves and let them take the fall for not Turning in HW assignments in MS/HS (by HS it rarely happened).
Know what: they attended a T100 university with good merit, graduate in 4 years with a 3.5 gpa (killed by first year of a different major), started a job immediately and has been there 4+ years now doing well.

Had I not helped in MS/HS and helped them learn how to manage it all, they might not have succeeded. Even the first year of college was a challenge, as it is for many ADHD/low EF kids.

[Anonymous]

There's an LSU mom who used to share posts from the parent FB group on tiktok. It was hilarious, but I don't think it was a constant stream of those posts.

[Anonymous]

It really is school dependent. I have 3 kids in college right now. One parent page is crazy AF all the time. It is private T10 and definitely reflects the kids at the school. One at a flagship in the Midwest where there is zero activity at all. And one out West at flaship and the parents are pretty normal.

I will say that the only thing that I have noticed they have in common is parents from the NE and usually NJ think their kids are the only children who go out of state to school and require their mothers to figure out lots of things for them from urgent care to seeing if there is a local Mom to bring their kids baked goods because they had a bad day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time I scroll the parent FB page at DC's school, I shake my head in wonder. How do some of these people get out of bed every morning without mama standing right there?

Today, a frantic parent is posting that "we" don't have a blue book for DS's exam an hour from now. Can one of your kids please find one and take it to him? He'll meet you anywhere on campus!

Yesterday, there were posts of student meltdowns at the airport because they "forgot" they needed Real ID to fly and they didn't allow enough time for extra security. How dare the TSA delay these students, who are crying that they just want to go home?

I wish I was making this up.

The only way they learn is when the apron strings are cut and they, you know, learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college parent pages are nuts! I can’t get over how invested some moms are in their kids’ dorm decor.

The blue book thing is ridiculous. The Real ID…I can see college students not being on top of that as it just got rolled out and could be easy to miss.

It didn't just get rolled out, it has been a thing for many years, and frankly, most jurisdictions should have had it in place when these kids got their first drivers licenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst was a mom on one of my kids college parents FB group who disclosed her kids major depression and begged for friends. I feel for the kid but the posting was horrifying.

Mom of 3DC, one graduate, one graduating senior, one freshman: never joined any of these groups on purpose.

I had heard enough ahead of 1st going to college.

Know of a mom who has been actively engaged in DS college FB group: she has attempted to micromanage roommates selection (anyone want to be the 3rd in DS off campus apartment? He’s really quiet and not a partier!), even roadtrips (DS driving to Tech …I do not want him to drive solo).

I know because she talks about this all the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

Fwiw big state universities tend to give less info and it can be confusing. They simply enroll too many to spoonfeed you everything along the way so being on top of details is crucial. Ivies you pay 80k+ for the privilege of having things made easier. And still, plenty of intense parents there who worked hard every step of the way so their kids could get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

I will 100% come and make sure I get the security deposit back because it is my money!

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How dare these kids be kids with caring parents.

"Caring parents" do not try to solve every problem that their young adult creates for themselves.

Caring parents don’t send kids out into the world incapable of acting like adults. If your kid can’t text friends to find a blue book or call the airline and reschedule if they miss their flight, maybe they should stay home at community college. I am not saying leave them completely alone. Here is how my parents would have handled it -

Me - texts mom, OMG I forgot about RealID and I may miss my flight because TSA is backed up!
Mom - stay in line and hope for the best. Be prepared to hustle - bathroom and food can wait. If you do miss your flight, call the airline and see if you can get on the next flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is school dependent. I have 3 kids in college right now. One parent page is crazy AF all the time. It is private T10 and definitely reflects the kids at the school. One at a flagship in the Midwest where there is zero activity at all. And one out West at flaship and the parents are pretty normal.

I will say that the only thing that I have noticed they have in common is parents from the NE and usually NJ think their kids are the only children who go out of state to school and require their mothers to figure out lots of things for them from urgent care to seeing if there is a local Mom to bring their kids baked goods because they had a bad day.

OP here. Interesting observation. I would agree that at DCs school, parents from that area proliferate the page and yes are the worst in terms of being overbearing. I never noticed that before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

Fwiw big state universities tend to give less info and it can be confusing. They simply enroll too many to spoonfeed you everything along the way so being on top of details is crucial. Ivies you pay 80k+ for the privilege of having things made easier. And still, plenty of intense parents there who worked hard every step of the way so their kids could get in.

+1 DS is at VT and I have occasionally forwarded him info I see on the parent page just as an FYI. Most of the time, he's on top of it but sometimes it's useful information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How dare these kids be kids with caring parents.

"Caring parents" do not try to solve every problem that their young adult creates for themselves.

And then they blame everyone else instead of themselves or their own kid!