College Parent Pages/ Helicopter Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

Hmmm. Cornell is really mild.
More political than anything child-centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore at an Ivy, so two years worth of material. My senior is going to a good school but much lower ranked. I have to admit the parent page bummed me out, the questions are very different.

In what way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

Th

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

Hmmm. Cornell is really mild.
More political than anything child-centered.

The Cornell one is terrible. It is completely hijacked by a certain group of people and they aggressively jump on anyone with a different viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college parent pages are nuts! I can’t get over how invested some moms are in their kids’ dorm decor.

The blue book thing is ridiculous. The Real ID…I can see college students not being on top of that as it just got rolled out and could be easy to miss.

“Just got rolled out”?? This has been talked about for more than a decade. Everyone has had more than ample time to get one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore at an Ivy, so two years worth of material. My senior is going to a good school but much lower ranked. I have to admit the parent page bummed me out, the questions are very different.

How so?

Ivy is mundane, summer sublets, birthday delivery suggestions, tutor recommendations.

Other is my kid got caught with alcohol in room, speeding ticket help, dorm decor, kid sick what do we do, etc. It’s a good school, just clearly less serious and more handholding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

Th

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

Hmmm. Cornell is really mild.
More political than anything child-centered.

The Cornell one is terrible. It is completely hijacked by a certain group of people and they aggressively jump on anyone with a different viewpoint.

Sounds exactly like DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

Th

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

You’re joking right?

In my experience, Ivy FB parent page truly is the worst for this sort of helicoptering. How do you think the kids got there in the first place without mama managing them every step of the way?

Hmmm. Cornell is really mild.
More political than anything child-centered.

The Cornell one is terrible. It is completely hijacked by a certain group of people and they aggressively jump on anyone with a different viewpoint.

Interesting. My son is at Auburn and the FB parents page admins absolutely shut down any political talk. Immediately. Some newbies tried around the election and it didn't last even an hour before it was removed. Which is nice because I am sure I don't share the same views as many of the parents. Honestly, the parents page gives me hope that people of different political views can get along when all is said and done. There are many lovely people on that page (and lovely kids at the school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is hard and you don't know what people are dealing with from the surface. Some students and parents have backgrounds of trauma or special needs and this pandemic and the arrested development it led to for many kids was hard on social growth and maturity.

Just how long can we get away with blaming the pandemic for parenting fails?

The pandemic was an adverse childhood event (ACE). Children with an ACE score of three or more tend to do poorly. So if a kid had a well adjusted childhood, the pandemic bumped their ACE score from zero to one. Those kids are still doing well. A child whose parents already divorced had an ACE score of one. The pandemic bumped that child’s ACE score to two. They’re still okay. But the child of divorce whose parent later got cancer now has an ACE score of 3, and that kid is likely to really struggle.

It’s not parenting fails, pp. More people in this generation are going to struggle. I think it will span from the college class of 2020 to about the class of 2040 or so. That’s the generation that was between ages 2 and 22 during lockdown. The pandemic was absolutely an ACE for my 3yo, but not for my 1yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is hard and you don't know what people are dealing with from the surface. Some students and parents have backgrounds of trauma or special needs and this pandemic and the arrested development it led to for many kids was hard on social growth and maturity.

Just how long can we get away with blaming the pandemic for parenting fails?

The pandemic was an adverse childhood event (ACE). Children with an ACE score of three or more tend to do poorly. So if a kid had a well adjusted childhood, the pandemic bumped their ACE score from zero to one. Those kids are still doing well. A child whose parents already divorced had an ACE score of one. The pandemic bumped that child’s ACE score to two. They’re still okay. But the child of divorce whose parent later got cancer now has an ACE score of 3, and that kid is likely to really struggle.

It’s not parenting fails, pp. More people in this generation are going to struggle. I think it will span from the college class of 2020 to about the class of 2040 or so. That’s the generation that was between ages 2 and 22 during lockdown. The pandemic was absolutely an ACE for my 3yo, but not for my 1yo.

Your 3 yo Covid child is 8 now. Doubtful that s/he has any recollection.

And if you believe the pandemic was such a major “ACE” for an entire generation what does that say about the fragile nature of these kids?

[Anonymous]

I feel like parenting took a massive shift in 2020 and did not recover.

I dropped mine off at college in fall of ‘18 and ‘19. They were ok.

But some parents who had their kids home in high school through covid never really let them go, mentally. And that intensity has carried forward. Those crazy posters just make me feel…profoundly normal.

My third and last is about to head off to his first dorm in August. He’d be mortified if I tried to “decorate” it. And he’d pretend not to know me if I posted about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like parenting took a massive shift in 2020 and did not recover.

I dropped mine off at college in fall of ‘18 and ‘19. They were ok.

But some parents who had their kids home in high school through covid never really let them go, mentally. And that intensity has carried forward. Those crazy posters just make me feel…profoundly normal.

My third and last is about to head off to his first dorm in August. He’d be mortified if I tried to “decorate” it. And he’d pretend not to know me if I posted about it.

I think you’re right. Sadly, my DH still refers to those Covid school years as some of the “best” for our family. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

This is all due to parent’s being in CONSTANT contact with their kids. If I had a problem or concern at college, I had to save it for the Sunday night call. By then, it was ancient history in my brain. When kids mention something (I need a blue book), this is when you ask, “What’s the plan?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sophomore at an Ivy, so two years worth of material. My senior is going to a good school but much lower ranked. I have to admit the parent page bummed me out, the questions are very different.

How so?

Ivy is mundane, summer sublets, birthday delivery suggestions, tutor recommendations.

Other is my kid got caught with alcohol in room, speeding ticket help, dorm decor, kid sick what do we do, etc. It’s a good school, just clearly less serious and more handholding.

DP. Interesting. I've got a similar situation, but opposite experience. T10 and a state school. T10 is crazy - so much helicoptering. Plus I had to prove my kid was admitted to school by forwarding their acceptance email. Which I didn't have and kid had deleted. I managed to get admitted but knew I was in for a wild ride. Lots of concern about "bad" food. My kid was like "you're not making me cook it and I don't have to clean up, plus lots of variety it's awesome!" To my kid isn't making any friends. Or my kid is failing a class with kids name and course name. I kinda understood the transportation ones, until there was a whole thread on how to hire a security car to take kids to the airport bc the school was in the "city." Other one was way more normal - questions about dorm outlets, were to park on parents weekend, freshman move out, etc. I think there was once some suspicion of food poisoning but turned out there was just a really bad stomach virus going around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is hard and you don't know what people are dealing with from the surface. Some students and parents have backgrounds of trauma or special needs and this pandemic and the arrested development it led to for many kids was hard on social growth and maturity.

Just how long can we get away with blaming the pandemic for parenting fails?

The pandemic was an adverse childhood event (ACE). Children with an ACE score of three or more tend to do poorly. So if a kid had a well adjusted childhood, the pandemic bumped their ACE score from zero to one. Those kids are still doing well. A child whose parents already divorced had an ACE score of one. The pandemic bumped that child’s ACE score to two. They’re still okay. But the child of divorce whose parent later got cancer now has an ACE score of 3, and that kid is likely to really struggle.

It’s not parenting fails, pp. More people in this generation are going to struggle. I think it will span from the college class of 2020 to about the class of 2040 or so. That’s the generation that was between ages 2 and 22 during lockdown. The pandemic was absolutely an ACE for my 3yo, but not for my 1yo.

Your 3 yo Covid child is 8 now. Doubtful that s/he has any recollection.

And if you believe the pandemic was such a major “ACE” for an entire generation what does that say about the fragile nature of these kids?

Say more about how you know nothing about child and adolescent development

[Anonymous]

I’m on a page that is very helpful (which is why I stay) but also has some parents helicoptering (adding entertainment value). I’ve seen posts asking how their DC and friends, all college students, can get downtown for an event. These are adults who should be able to figure out transportation for a fun non-school related activity. But mommy is asking the other mommies.