College Parent Pages/ Helicopter Parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids in college and I joined the parent facebook pages for both schools. Neither of them have that level of helicopter parenting.

It's a lot of seeking graduation tickets, questions about parents weekend, and advice on hotels for parents to stay at near campus.

Same, for the most part. There is the occasional cross-the-line IMO post and around August-Sept there's a flurry of overinvolved parents. I've never posted myself but have found it occasionally helpful. Two best things were a compiled list of off campus housing options, which I sent to DS for him to then figure it out. And, someone mentioned an undergrad research program in DS's major. It was probably mentioned to him at the start of 1st year but he hadn't taken notice. Again, I just let him know about it and he followed up. It ended up being one of his best experiences and really contributed to internship search success.

[Anonymous]

UMD is the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How dare these kids be kids with caring parents.

LOL no. They're deranged.

+1

If your kid is enrolled in college, they should be capable of getting the supplies they need, ideally more than 2 hours before an exam.

These parents are the same ones who show up to job interviews with their kids or are calling the bosses when kid is out sick (yes, this shit actually happens).

[Anonymous]

Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids in college and I joined the parent facebook pages for both schools. Neither of them have that level of helicopter parenting.

It's a lot of seeking graduation tickets, questions about parents weekend, and advice on hotels for parents to stay at near campus.

Be thankful you don't!!

I've been on 3 pages, and all of them have helicopter parents. It's highly entertaining. My favorite was "bacon-gate". Parent complaining the main dining hall was "out of bacon and when would it be back". 400+ responses of "have your adult student ask someone, it's not that hard".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

I will 100% come and make sure I get the security deposit back because it is my money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college parent pages are nuts! I can’t get over how invested some moms are in their kids’ dorm decor.

The blue book thing is ridiculous. The Real ID…I can see college students not being on top of that as it just got rolled out and could be easy to miss.

The REAL ID really cannot be easy to miss! It's been in the works for 20+ years, and has been postponed multiple times.
If you read any news source in the last 6 months, it's been available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I feel this way about the “Adult Children” forum on DCUM too. Anytime a thread pops up there I want to respond “stay out of it.”

I know these parents are trying to be helpful, but sheesh don’t you remember being 24? You did NOT want or respect unsolicited advice from your mommy!!

I think the issue is often they DO want the advice. I see it with my own kids. At their ages my parents knew almost nothing about my life, I was independent, did what I wanted, used my own money and it was plenty. Because everything from high school to college admissions to the work world and cost of living have become higher stakes and more complicated (I say this as a public school/in-state university mom so not an "elite" perspective) these kids have a lot to figure out that we did not have to figure out and turn to parents more, and parents panic that if they do not help their kids will be screwed.

So you wait for your kids to ask you. Or you provide basic information like you have been doing for 18+ years. My 26 yo functions fully on their own and is financially independent for 4 years now. But when they encounter something new, they text/call if they have questions. You can only teach them so much growing up, sometimes there is a question about a new item (think signing a lease, which healthcare is best to select at your job, how to invest your 401K, etc). But we wait for our kids to ask us. Because often times, learning thru mistakes is the best route.

For example: when kid graduated college and move 2 hours away from college for job (all still 2K from home), I suggested areas to look for apartments, but then I let my kid do the ground work and ultimately select the place to live. They ultimately selected where I would have, town and apartment complex. But they had to arrive at that conclusion themselves, otherwise it was "mom trying to tell me what to do".
All I did was make suggestions when they asked me---such as "it's a cold area, yes you really might want the apartment with a heated garage space, and also an inside garage will lower your auto insurance rates" or "you are 22, wouldn't it be nice to have a W/D in your apartment and not have to run to the basement and share with the entire building at 7pm after a long day at work" or "you can always uber/lyft into the main city for bars/restaruants, but do you really want a 30min+ commute versus a 10-12 min commute on a daily basis", etc. So I stated those key ideas ONCE and then let my kid do the work.
They ultimately literally picked my Favorite place...with great management and have been there for 4+ years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

Yeah, no way in hell am I cleaning a college kids apartment/house---especially one that 4 guys have lived in for 2+ years. If you want your deposit back, you clean it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't laugh about it at a dinner party. I joked about a legion of mom's joining a thread about cleaning up their student's apartments to get the security deposits back, and my friend said she'd done it and offered an explanation (and surely told everyone I was a jerk).

I gifted one security deposit to my kid and said that was the only one they'd ever get.

The blue book is crazy!

I will 100% come and make sure I get the security deposit back because it is my money!

You tell your kid you want your deposit back. If they don't actually get the deposit back, it's on them to earn the money to pay you back. That's how adulting works

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:UMD is the worst.

I'm on that FB page. I have seen a few personal posts about depression and roommate issues. Most seem anonymous though. I feel for those kids and the parents. Both my kids have gone through a hard time socially at some point in their lives, but it's tougher when you are not at home with no parental support. And as a parent, it's tough to watch them go through that. My kid at UMD went through some roommate issues recently. They did handle it themselves. Even so, I don't think I would out them on FB.

But, how would you know if it's the "worst"? I'm assuming you are not on multiple FB parent groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMD is the worst.

I'm on that FB page. I have seen a few personal posts about depression and roommate issues. Most seem anonymous though. I feel for those kids and the parents. Both my kids have gone through a hard time socially at some point in their lives, but it's tougher when you are not at home with no parental support. And as a parent, it's tough to watch them go through that. My kid at UMD went through some roommate issues recently. They did handle it themselves. Even so, I don't think I would out them on FB.

But, how would you know if it's the "worst"? I'm assuming you are not on multiple FB parent groups.

They’re all bad. And none of this is good for the students. It’s all about the parents and their continued need to be relevant in their kids daily lives.

[Anonymous]

I have four kids, the youngest is just finishing up freshman year, so I've been on many schools' parent pages and they are all the same.

A lot of times I will read one parent's panicked post about something terrible that happened to their kid (usually a student not being aware of some policy or a communication breakdown.) I'll text my kid "Hey--you're taking X class right now, right? Did you know that...." And my kid will just respond with "Oh yeah, that happened and i just figured it out and now there's no problem."

[Anonymous]

My kid is a Freshmen in college. I have never had Facebook. I don't follow any of that. I do see the general university webpage on Insta--and announcements there.

I never checked my kids' Canvas school sites since the first year in MS. They were independent. HS----they showed up and came home and all was good. They are completely independent.

I was turned off on the tour for our state school which was filled with NoVA parents and the truly idiotic over-bearing questions. Kid is at a school that draws from all over, including Internationally, and the times we have had move-in, parent orientation, school tour and gone to visit the parents seem very chill and hands-off. fwiw, it's ivy so don't know if it is the independence these kids have to make it there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UMD is the worst.

I'm on that FB page. I have seen a few personal posts about depression and roommate issues. Most seem anonymous though. I feel for those kids and the parents. Both my kids have gone through a hard time socially at some point in their lives, but it's tougher when you are not at home with no parental support. And as a parent, it's tough to watch them go through that. My kid at UMD went through some roommate issues recently. They did handle it themselves. Even so, I don't think I would out them on FB.

But, how would you know if it's the "worst"? I'm assuming you are not on multiple FB parent groups.

They’re all bad. And none of this is good for the students. It’s all about the parents and their continued need to be relevant in their kids daily lives.

That seems a bit harsh. I think it's more that the parents are just worried about their kids. I'm an older parent, so maybe it's because I don't crowd source or put every question/concern in my head on social media, but I do worry about my kids. I do confirm with them if they knew xyz, and if they didn't then I tell them to sort it out. I may ask them about stuff, but I don't fix their issues for them.

Like the living situation.. they had issue this year with their roommates, so they had to figure out where they want to live next year, find new roommates, contact housing, etc.. They just let me know when the lease email is coming my way as the guarantor, and I sign it.