What is the parenting secret of Orthodox Jewish families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like Catholics, Mormons, and other religious groups with big families, they expect the older children (especially the older daughters, but sons too) to help. It’s a lot easier to handle a bunch of kids when the big ones change diapers, wipe noses, put on shoes, read books, etc.

+1. I saw a group at a playground yesterday and my first thought was "I bet they were really glad the first 2 kids were girls" because the older girls were doing a lovely job helping the little ones, while the two oldest boys ran around with sticks. Not that boys couldn't help, but the gender divisions are pretty strict with the way they are raised, so they wouldn't naturally be asked to.

At risk of being a gender essentialist … sometimes girls really like to interact with and mother their younger sibs. I wasn’t like that to an extreme but I definitely really loved taking care of my baby sister born when I was 12. And my 8 year old sister was extremely close to the baby and was constantly playing school etc.

Same. My parents were very anti gender roles and would have loved to dress me in unisex/boy clothing. I showed them! I only wore pink and dresses (still do). I was beyond thrilled to take care of my younger siblings (8 years younger). I was a nanny throughout high school and college. Sometimes it’s not how you’re raised, sometimes people just gravitate towards certain things. I see this with my own kids. I have one girl who is a tomboy and the other wants to be a princess. It’s nothing I did. Not all kids resent taking care of others, but I know some do of course. My son has lots and lots of chores and does the same ones as my girls. I’m not raising a boy who watches women work while he sits.

To answer op, I think the people who have large families know how to take care of them and also like kids. The same can’t be said for most moms. Also, none of those families practice gentle/permissive parenting. Even if they don’t spank, bad behavior is NOT accepted.

My permissive parenting friends let their kids do anything. The other day at a playdate my friends two kids started jumping on her couch and she let them. I told my kids no, don’t get up there too. The friend was shocked and said they weren’t hurting anything. Ffs. Kids need to learn how to respect everything.

“Friends” lol.

[Anonymous]

The number of posts normalizing and promoting violence against children is disturbing. Free countries don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with all these posts about Other Children and how calm they are? What kind of hooligans are you around? Most kids I see are pretty calm.

Most kids are definitely not calm or well behaved. Volunteer at school.

[Anonymous]

changing diapers, putting on shoes, cleaning up is not parenting as an older kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:changing diapers, putting on shoes, cleaning up is not parenting as an older kid.

Agreed. And yet it makes it much easier for the parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fear.

This was my guess. Fear of God. “He’s watching you hit your sister” “you’ll go to hell!”

[Anonymous]

They have kids very young. So not only do the parents have more youthful energy, but a lot of SN that are associated with AMA or old sperm are less prevalent. They also have lots of aunts and young grandmas as their village, much like the Mormons.

[Anonymous]

The older children help and grow up a lot faster in that way. There are benefits to that but also downsides (the eldest girl always ends up being a caretaker to the little ones, for instance).

Everyone thinks other people’s kid are better behaved than their own, though. With some exceptions. You don’t see the meltdowns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also bear in mind you’re seeing these kids on their best behavior. People always tell me my large family is so well behaved and that is, uh, not my impression…

Aw give yourself more credit! But I am curious - do you take them all out yourself on outings? do you go to religious services?

I also come from a large religious family and I think we appeared pretty organized in public although the only place we went together indoors was church. I wonder if the needed discipline in public to manage a lot of kids at a religious service is part of the way the kids and parents “learn” the skills needed to appear so calm and orderly.

I think this is part of it too. We switched from a non-denominational Christian church to a Catholic Church when my oldest was in first grade. It wasn’t immediate, but there was definitely a change in the kids’ behavior over the next year or so. When your family has to figure out how to be calm and obedient for an hour a week, it kind of spills over into the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:changing diapers, putting on shoes, cleaning up is not parenting as an older kid.

Agreed. And yet it makes it much easier for the parents!

Yup and with more kids, the kids are more indpenedent at earlier ages. My sister has 7 ages 16, 15, 13, 11, 9, 7 and 4 and that's how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Yep
Abuse the child, lead by fear. Same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:changing diapers, putting on shoes, cleaning up is not parenting as an older kid.

Agreed. And yet it makes it much easier for the parents!

Yup and with more kids, the kids are more indpenedent at earlier ages. My sister has 7 ages 16, 15, 13, 11, 9, 7 and 4 and that's how it is.

My kids are exactly the opposite. The older ones were more independent at younger ages. My youngest is baby'd by the older ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think being serious about religion requires a lot of self- discipline. So it could be that religious parents have self-discipline and their children are more likely to be self-disciplined as well.
The other aspect is that these families have a strong culture and exist a little bit outside of mainstream American culture. So while I am sure they are influenced by parenting trends in pop culture, they likely also receive a lot of community support for parenting more or less like their parents did.

If all the women have 8 kids - what kind of support would be available? Oh, I'll watch 16 kids while you get your hair done?

Getting their hair done? Tell me you know nothing about Orthodox Judaism without telling me you know nothing about Orthodox Judaism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like Catholics, Mormons, and other religious groups with big families, they expect the older children (especially the older daughters, but sons too) to help. It’s a lot easier to handle a bunch of kids when the big ones change diapers, wipe noses, put on shoes, read books, etc.

+1. I saw a group at a playground yesterday and my first thought was "I bet they were really glad the first 2 kids were girls" because the older girls were doing a lovely job helping the little ones, while the two oldest boys ran around with sticks. Not that boys couldn't help, but the gender divisions are pretty strict with the way they are raised, so they wouldn't naturally be asked to.

I have 5, the first 3 are boys and then 2 toddler girls. The boys are awesome with their sisters, stroller pushing, preparing food, making them laugh. My third onward were socialized at a younger age bc we HAD to get out to games, school assemblies, practices, etc in a way not necessary with my oldest 2. I am Catholic and after my fifth intentionally sought out other Catholic families for friendship. Also my grandmother had 10 so I grew up with lots of cousins and love children. She was also a big cheerleader of not sweating the small stuff. We need more cheerleaders, less Kumon anxiety.

[Anonymous]

They parent in traditional ways (kids have responsibilities not iPads) and they have traditional gender roles. Same applies to big Mormon & catholic families.