What is the parenting secret of Orthodox Jewish families?

[Anonymous]

I sometimes see large Orthodox Jewish families out and about and the kids are so calm and presentable! Yesterday I saw a dad on his own with 6 kids that all appeared to be under 12, including two babies in a double stroller. The kids were all calm and happy, played with the babies, and stuck close to dad. Dad appeared a little weary (seems normal) but nothing like the extreme exhaustion I know I would project if I went out with six kids. I did not hear a single whine or argument from the kids or a single harsh word from the dad. Amazing! How do they do it?

[Anonymous]

Like Catholics, Mormons, and other religious groups with big families, they expect the older children (especially the older daughters, but sons too) to help. It’s a lot easier to handle a bunch of kids when the big ones change diapers, wipe noses, put on shoes, read books, etc.

[Anonymous]

What's up with all these posts about Other Children and how calm they are? What kind of hooligans are you around? Most kids I see are pretty calm.

[Anonymous]

Also bear in mind you’re seeing these kids on their best behavior. People always tell me my large family is so well behaved and that is, uh, not my impression…

[Anonymous]

Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

Could be! I also wonder if there are just better developed parenting skills in the community since most families are large, and children are considered a blessing so they are treated with more care? I obviously am also familiar with the criticisms of orthodox communities, but you never really hear of child abuse or neglect being a big part of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

Are you kidding? I live near a large orthodox community and the kids are on iPads constantly in their strollers. They aren’t Amish.

[Anonymous]

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also bear in mind you’re seeing these kids on their best behavior. People always tell me my large family is so well behaved and that is, uh, not my impression…

Aw give yourself more credit! But I am curious - do you take them all out yourself on outings? do you go to religious services?

I also come from a large religious family and I think we appeared pretty organized in public although the only place we went together indoors was church. I wonder if the needed discipline in public to manage a lot of kids at a religious service is part of the way the kids and parents “learn” the skills needed to appear so calm and orderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spare the rod, spoil the child.

I’m not familiar with the orthodox being big spankers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

Are you kidding? I live near a large orthodox community and the kids are on iPads constantly in their strollers. They aren’t Amish.

I think Haredim are actually pretty against tech and the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

Could be! I also wonder if there are just better developed parenting skills in the community since most families are large, and children are considered a blessing so they are treated with more care? I obviously am also familiar with the criticisms of orthodox communities, but you never really hear of child abuse or neglect being a big part of that.

Some would argue that forcing kids to perform parental duties for siblings is a form of abuse or neglect -- older daughters in Orthodox families do not really have childhoods because they will be helping to raise younger siblings from the age if 2 or 3. Also many Orthodox families home school or send to strict orthodox schools where girls do not receive adequate education. Orthodox communities also sometimes neglect what many of us would consider basic medical care for children.

To be clear -- not all Orthodox families are like this. But one of the major downsides to a very strict culture closed to outside influence is that it does allow for abuse and neglect to happen more easily.

[Anonymous]

Fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like Catholics, Mormons, and other religious groups with big families, they expect the older children (especially the older daughters, but sons too) to help. It’s a lot easier to handle a bunch of kids when the big ones change diapers, wipe noses, put on shoes, read books, etc.

+1. I saw a group at a playground yesterday and my first thought was "I bet they were really glad the first 2 kids were girls" because the older girls were doing a lovely job helping the little ones, while the two oldest boys ran around with sticks. Not that boys couldn't help, but the gender divisions are pretty strict with the way they are raised, so they wouldn't naturally be asked to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, they’ve probably never seen a screen/ipad in their life. Unless their mom is “influencer”

Could be! I also wonder if there are just better developed parenting skills in the community since most families are large, and children are considered a blessing so they are treated with more care? I obviously am also familiar with the criticisms of orthodox communities, but you never really hear of child abuse or neglect being a big part of that.

Some would argue that forcing kids to perform parental duties for siblings is a form of abuse or neglect -- older daughters in Orthodox families do not really have childhoods because they will be helping to raise younger siblings from the age if 2 or 3. Also many Orthodox families home school or send to strict orthodox schools where girls do not receive adequate education. Orthodox communities also sometimes neglect what many of us would consider basic medical care for children.

To be clear -- not all Orthodox families are like this. But one of the major downsides to a very strict culture closed to outside influence is that it does allow for abuse and neglect to happen more easily.

meh, I also had to do child care and it was the least of the issues in my big family. The educational neglect is probably the biggest concern. But I still feel like family life must have a lot of positives otherwise they wouldn’t sustain themselves.