Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?

[Anonymous]

do you want this person in your family or not?

he is already in your kids' family. Are you ok with them being alone with him overnight?

is he scary when he drinks too much at night or just withdrawn and boring and not spending time with you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

Signed,
Someone who stayed with her high functioning husband too long and greatly regrets it.

Why do you regret it? Did his drinking get worse and worse?

[Anonymous]

Alcoholics lie, they will start drinking earlier in the day, drive while intoxicated, all of that. My DH did all that but eventually was one of the few who went to AA and stuck with it (many, many years now).

I agree with Al-Anon. If you don’t like one meeting, try another. You will find others like yourself. Talking to a lawyer is also a good idea.

I wish you the best-it’s an awful position to be in.

[Anonymous]

Just to be a counterweight here, I'm not sure there's enough information to make a decision this definitely. It sounds like he's doing this after the kids are in bed? So they never see him like this. Is it every night? Is the only point of contention /gaslighting about the drinking itself? Or does it entail other claims? I can see that this could be salvaged if some of these are one way.

[Anonymous]

I’d be surprised if it’s not affecting other areas of your life and during the day.

Al anon helped me realize what his drinking was going to me. I figured out that every single day something happened because of it. Then I couldn’t unsee it.

I’d suggest going to Al-anon, asking him to see a marriage counselor and getting your ducks in a row in case you decide to split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to be a counterweight here, I'm not sure there's enough information to make a decision this definitely. It sounds like he's doing this after the kids are in bed? So they never see him like this. Is it every night? Is the only point of contention /gaslighting about the drinking itself? Or does it entail other claims? I can see that this could be salvaged if some of these are one way.

OP here, he starts drinking daily at about 6:00 or when he gets home after work, whichever is earlier. He doesn’t get drunk until after the kids go to sleep but sometimes he would be drunk before their bedtime and talk to the kids non stop way past their bed time (like he gets chatty, at times he is mean to the kids but not often) He told me he only drinks beer but I often find vodka hidden in water bottles or weird places. So far the lying and gaslighting is only related to alcohol as far as I can tell.

[Anonymous]

How’s your sex life? It can’t be great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be surprised if it’s not affecting other areas of your life and during the day.

Al anon helped me realize what his drinking was going to me. I figured out that every single day something happened because of it. Then I couldn’t unsee it.

I’d suggest going to Al-anon, asking him to see a marriage counselor and getting your ducks in a row in case you decide to split.

Op here, can you give an example of “every day something happened because of it”?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, Mrs. Hedgseth.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It’s absolutely horrible. My brother is in rehab now at 57 and the end stages are horrific.
I can’t imagine if your husband was driving your kids around and got into a wreck.

It’s a horrible horrible life and I would not wish that on anyone.

A cheating husband would be better.

Sorry op.

[Anonymous]

I stayed till the kids went to college. It has not been easy. I wish you the strength to get therapy so you can better understand the situation. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Go to Al-Alon. It will help you clarify what you want to do. You will see how others navigate it. Some leave, some don't. But this is the first step of taking care of yourself. You need to do that. Making decisions will be easier. I wish you the best in a really tough situation.

[Anonymous]

Please don't let him drive your children or anyone else's children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to Al-Alon. It will help you clarify what you want to do. You will see how others navigate it. Some leave, some don't. But this is the first step of taking care of yourself. You need to do that. Making decisions will be easier. I wish you the best in a really tough situation.

Op here. Thank you so much! I am going to an Al-alon meeting! I know it won’t be magic fix it all quickly kind of thing, this is so hard, I feel mentally drained. This suffering is so painful.

[Anonymous]

Do high functioning alcoholic spouses in divorces get custody? Asking for a friend.