Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?

[Anonymous]

Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband? married for a long time, 2 young children. His drinking got worse over the years, he's in total denial, because he's doing well career wise, and is very involved with the kids, he's pretty awesome during the day, he doesn't think he should or need to change. Main issue for me is he is a totally different person at night after drinking, and he lies/gaslight in my face about how much or what he's been drinking. His dad, grandparents, uncles are all high functioning alcoholics, at this point, I don't think he will ever ever change.

[Anonymous]

Truly only you can answer that question.

What does he do as a "totally different person" after drinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly only you can answer that question.

What does he do as a "totally different person" after drinking?

I know, I am here for some validation/understanding and just to vent.

He acts like a drunk person, and if I tell him he had too much to drink, he would lie, he would say "I haven't had any alcohol today" "zero","I had nothing to drink today", all while he is obviously drunk. The other day, I can see a vodka bottle hidden behind HVAC duct, I said, I can see your vodka bottle (he claims he ONLY drinks beer), and even at that point, he chose to lie, he said "what vodka bottle, I don't drink vodka", and then I pulled the bottle out in front of him, and he said "that is from looong time ago".

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. This is really sad for you and your children. It does sound like he has a serious problem. I don't have great advice but wanted to just offer support and say I am listening.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I do not have my mom's support to divorce my husband. My dad was drunk a lot too, and my dad never did any housework or took care of me. To my mom, my husband is way better than my dad, therefore she doesn't think it's a big deal if the only problem with this man is his drinking. Really?! I have no husband at night, he's never present at night, that's not enough reason?

[Anonymous]

Something to think about - do you ever have to be out of town or gone overnight and he is responsible for the kids? Are you comfortable leaving him in charge at night -if an emergency arises can he handle it?

[Anonymous]

I'd go to Al-Anon, and may be talk to an attorney to better understand options.

[Anonymous]

For my children, I would not stay with an alcoholic. It will mess them up for life.

[Anonymous]

Leave if you can. You and your kids deserve better. He will lie to you about anything and everything. He will steal money from you and put you and your children in danger.

[Anonymous]

I’d second the suggestion to go to Al-anon. You need a community to parse this with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave if you can. You and your kids deserve better. He will lie to you about anything and everything. He will steal money from you and put you and your children in danger.

OP again, he haven't gotten to that point yet, he might eventually. At this point, he's still reliable financially, he is successful in his career. This complicates things for me, because no one else (including my mom) understands my pain, they see him as a successful, hardworking and loving person. They don't see him at night, or all the lies he told me in my face. I feel really lonely in this.

[Anonymous]

I used to have a high functioning alcoholic husband.

I now have just an alcoholic husband. And I had to get a protective order against him.

I stayed for religious reasons, but he's rapidly running into even the tiny area of leaving that my religion allows.

[Anonymous]

IMO its better to get out when he's financially stable. Before there's an incident that jeopardizes your future or his earnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave if you can. You and your kids deserve better. He will lie to you about anything and everything. He will steal money from you and put you and your children in danger.

OP again, he haven't gotten to that point yet, he might eventually. At this point, he's still reliable financially, he is successful in his career. This complicates things for me, because no one else (including my mom) understands my pain, they see him as a successful, hardworking and loving person. They don't see him at night, or all the lies he told me in my face. I feel really lonely in this.

Can you get to Al-Anon by hiring babysitters for the kids? I'm the PP with an alcoholic husband and there's no way for me to logistically go except during the workday / school day. But if you can, people there understand your pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd go to Al-Anon, and may be talk to an attorney to better understand options.

+1

If it were me, I would leave.