Ugh- text from my daughter at lunch

[Anonymous]

My DD was similar. She joined a club and started talking to a loud extrovert. That one connection was enough for her to be less shy and find her lunch people.

Her school (private) will also help make connections if they notice students eating alone but they wait a few weeks to give the kids time.

It's going to work out. Continue to gently encourage her.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have time to read the replies but what my DD did in this situation was get friendly/talking with someone in the class right before lunch. Often leads to walking together to lunch and sitting together. Other kids tend to be more open to this early in the school year since they are figuring out who has what lunch period etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop texting. Parents should not text or engage when their kids are at school! Leave them to figure it out.

Not the question or your business. You also have no idea if this was in the hall or some other place where it is allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when teen parents whose kids have never experienced social issues try to lecture the rest of us. /s.

It's quite obvious you have no idea what we are talking about.

+100

I have two social butterflies but one who struggles so badly. It breaks my heart. My struggler is in HS and really only has one friend, and that friend is in a different lunch period this year. He is stressing about what to do- has no other friends to sit with. In the past, he has had luck with spotting some boys he knows from class/has chatted with at least a little in class— but have to be careful with that and make sure it is other quiet/less popular boys (as opposed to accidentally springing self on a popular group and being humiliated).

So OP maybe some quieter girls from class that seem friendly-ish?

[Anonymous]

Could she avoid the cafeteria for now and sit in the library or outdoors busying herself studying or paperwork etc? And in the meantime 1chat with other kids in her classes and try to scope things out (who’s who- and who might be open to casual friendship) a bit?

[Anonymous]

You know, it’s ok to sit by yourself. She doesn’t need you to make her feel bad about being friendless. That’s just extra pressure.

[Anonymous]

I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

This is a really good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

If your kid really likes to read, a paper book is better. It gives an entry to another bookish kid to say "oh, I read that one. it's really good."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

This is a really good idea.

Thanks, my life as a quiet kid inspired the idea. I also was made to feel shame that I was sitting alone in the beginning. I now know that it takes time for me to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's first day of high school! Let her figure out.

This. I was that painfully shy kid. I was also new in 9th grade. I pitifully ate lunch in a bathroom stall until I found one classmate I could glom onto at lunch after getting friendly enough with her. And that’s how I found my friend group. Your daughter will find hers. You’re mom and she’s turning to you for comfort, not asking you to fix this (you can’t!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

If your kid really likes to read, a paper book is better. It gives an entry to another bookish kid to say "oh, I read that one. it's really good."

Yeah, I wanted to do that but I got push back from my kids. I essentially bribed them with a cool Kindle cover to try my idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love it when teen parents whose kids have never experienced social issues try to lecture the rest of us. /s.

It's quite obvious you have no idea what we are talking about.

People on here are sometimes so rude and judgy I wonder how the heck THEY have any friends?? Lol.

I get telling mom it’s best to back off and try to just support and not solve, but we can be nice when we say it. My kids don’t struggle socially but I did when I was young. And so I’m always extra triggered when my kids experience even a bit of this. It brings me back to sad teen days.

We can give advice and not be total d*cks about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my kids in with a Kindle on the first day and told them if it so happens thst they sit alone at lunch, maybe they could view it as some downtime instead of seeing it as a failure on their part to connect.

But I said keep your eyes open when you are going in or if you see someone you know and cannot with them. They used the Kindle for a week or so at which time they started sitting with people they met in their classes. Now the Kindle gathers dust. But I'm keeping it if they need it when starting high school.

This is a really good idea.

What?! That is a terrible idea. It’s ok to sit alone. Sitting alone and looking at a phone or kindle isn’t exactly making you approachable, in fact opposite. God forbid you sit alone and don’t “look busy” with something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop texting. Parents should not text or engage when their kids are at school! Leave them to figure it out.

Not the question or your business. You also have no idea if this was in the hall or some other place where it is allowed.

I disagree. It's good advice to stop texting during the day. And yes, it is related to the question. OP asked about tough love. Why bother with tough love (whatever that means to OP) if you can't refrain from texting back before the school day has ended?