If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did read it, and my interpretation was that Amy Chua, in hindsight, realized the flaws of being a tiger mom (i.e., how she actually parented, not how she should've done it instead). To me, having very high expectations isn't what makes one a tiger parent. Anyone can do that. It's the strict disciplinarian part on top, as described in some of the anecdotes from her book.

My interpretation was that she acknowledged she made plenty of mistakes, but that she doesn't think everything about her parenting was wrong, and that there are some aspects that were good.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about the moms' perspective, but I went to school with some Asian and Asian American kids (I am also Asian American) whose parents pushed them into playing an instrument as a hobby, and perhaps after initially hating practice, they ended up loving music so much that they pursued classical music for undergrad and grad school. Some of the parents were supportive of this arts path, but some did not actually want their kids to pursue music as a career because it is impractical.

[Anonymous]

So what was it about Amy Chua that made her a Tiger Mom, as opposed to a run-of-the-mill very strict parent with high expectations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably thought of as a tiger mom. Expected my kids to get all As, play an instrument, etc., but that’s because they seemed easily capable of that. They did great in high school. We are also very close. DD is at a T25 getting lots of Bs, and I don’t love it, to be honest, but she’s happy and excelling at her intellectual extracurricular, so it’s fine. Younger kid is brilliant. And happy. We’ll see what happens to him.

To what do you attribute the differences in grades in high school and college? Does your DD go to a grade deflating college or do you think that high school was easier? Would you have preferred that your DD went to a not T25 but got all As or do you not care anymore?

[Anonymous]

I am not aware of anyone who admits being a true tiger parent, and I am not one , so I would not know. However, I am aware of many many snowplow parents: push teachers to let them into the highest level of something, complain about high school(or middle school) grading, complain about kid not getting first chair(and complain so much the head music teacher asks the actual first chair to give it up), write the essays for them because they say the kid cannot write them correctly, open and manage all the portals for them (after making them apply to 20 million super reaches)……the kids of Every . Single. One. Has floundered in college. Some only temporarily, some more severely and dropped out. Only one of them landed at a Top20, but the rest landed T30-40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what was it about Amy Chua that made her a Tiger Mom, as opposed to a run-of-the-mill very strict parent with high expectations?

The word Tiger refers to the fact that she was born in the Year of the Tiger, so it's a description of her personality. According to astrology, tigers are supposed to be "noble, fearless, powerful, authoritative, and magnetic." Even if she doesn't believe in astrology, the tiger sign fits her. She comes across as quite stubborn, determined, and hotheaded.

[Anonymous]

My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

Shouldn't a doctor be done with residency before their mid-30s? Even a neurosurgeon should be finished around the age of 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that you did not ask, “how is their mental health?”

Or, “how is your relationship with them?”

OP wants to hear about the ROI on tiger-parenting, but sounds oblivious to the risks.

Yep, my best friend was raised by a Tiger Mom, and didn't tell her mom when she got pregnant, miscarried, got fired for missing work during said miscarriage, her slight nervous breakdown at getting fired being an indicator of not being perfect and bragging material, etc. She barely talks to her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

Shouldn't a doctor be done with residency before their mid-30s? Even a neurosurgeon should be finished around the age of 33.

Minimum is very late 20's but mid 30's is extremely common.

[Anonymous]

The kid I know did not get into the elite college she wanted, or medical school for a couple of years. She just kept working and working and working until she finally got into (an obscure) medical school in the south. She never took breaks, never dated, or had fun (in the summers for example). I hope it is her dream (not theirs), because she has sacrificed a hell of a lot for this path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

I gather if the only parenting options are Tiger Mom or White Trash, that everyone on this thread will pick the former.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

Shouldn't a doctor be done with residency before their mid-30s? Even a neurosurgeon should be finished around the age of 33.

You win the prize for the most dumbass poster of the day.

Being done with residency in your mid 30s raises zero red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were tiger parents. They pushed me to focus on my studies in high school and get into the best college that I can. I got a full ride to flagship T10 and studied business and engineering. The discipline and work ethics helped me succeed in college and in my career. I have no regrets and am grateful they pushed me.

But what about the rest of your life. Do you have a life? Friends? Love? Or are you a weird, worker bee who never had an original thought or joy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL's sons, two of them, were best friends with a kid who lived across the street. SIL was absolutely vicious about calling the kid's mother a "tiger mom." (And yes, there was an element of racism, SIL is white and the kid's parents are from China.) The kid's parents pushed him very hard academically.

He is now a doctor, finishing up residency. SIL's sons are living in her house, unemployed, playing online video games all night and stealing from her debit card every chance they get. These kids are all mid-30s now.

Shouldn't a doctor be done with residency before their mid-30s? Even a neurosurgeon should be finished around the age of 33.

You win the prize for the most dumbass poster of the day.

Being done with residency in your mid 30s raises zero red flags.

High school = 18
plus 4 years college = 22
plus 4 years med school = 26
plus 3-7 years residency = 29-33

What is happening during those extra years if someone is mid-30s and still finishing residency? Especially if they're not pursuing neurosurgery or another of the rare specialities that takes 7 years after med school.