If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

[Anonymous]

I've been reading all kinds of anecdotal stories here about someone who knew someone who knew a tiger mom'd kid who Hopelessly Collapsed in College. I'm not interested in such third-hand gossip here, I want to hear from current or former tiger moms themselves.

You put your kid through everything from Kumon to prestige summer programs and now they're presumably at or graduated from an institution of no little prestige. How did it work out? Do you have any regrets? Advice?

Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading all kinds of anecdotal stories here about someone who knew someone who knew a tiger mom'd kid who Hopelessly Collapsed in College. I'm not interested in such third-hand gossip here, I want to hear from current or former tiger moms themselves.

You put your kid through everything from Kumon to prestige summer programs and now they're presumably at or graduated from an institution of no little prestige[b]. How did it work out? Do you have any regrets? Advice?

Thanks in advance!

you lost me here....is that a typo?

[Anonymous]

No little prestige = some prestige

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’ll get replies because there’s a school of adequate prestige out there for everyone. They’ll say they fell in love with Bucknell and can’t imagine a better choice.

[Anonymous]

I think I am a tiger mom, but most people would say I am not. I push my kids, but I don't think that Kumon or "prestigious" summer programs (which to be clear, I think have their own benefits but college admission chances are not one of them).

I push them when it comes to what I think matters. Grades, rigor, discipline in their ECs (they cannot quit their core activities and we do the supplemental outside of school stuff only if beneficial to improving). Also being a polite and kinds person is important for life and yes I also think it is helpful professionally and academically.

I'm also extremely loving. So that may not be your definition of a tiger mom. But, I know that if they work hard, they can get near perfect grades in demanding classes, so that's what I expect. Also important to parent the child you have. One of my kids will likely achieve "better" than the other. That's fine. I want that kid to do the best that they can do. Even if that's not a T10, T30 or whatever, that doesn't mean I'm not going to push him. I think it's the journey of pushing yourself in high school that reaps benefits for years to come. Not the college outcome.

[Anonymous]

It is telling that you did not ask, “how is their mental health?”

Or, “how is your relationship with them?”

OP wants to hear about the ROI on tiger-parenting, but sounds oblivious to the risks.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're not gonna hear about the train wrecks. Well, maybe second or third hand.

[Anonymous]

A true tiger mom would never admit that any failure by their children to meet or exceed expectations was attributable to their approach. No ragrets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a tiger mom, but most people would say I am not. I push my kids, but I don't think that Kumon or "prestigious" summer programs (which to be clear, I think have their own benefits but college admission chances are not one of them).

I push them when it comes to what I think matters. Grades, rigor, discipline in their ECs (they cannot quit their core activities and we do the supplemental outside of school stuff only if beneficial to improving). Also being a polite and kinds person is important for life and yes I also think it is helpful professionally and academically.

I'm also extremely loving. So that may not be your definition of a tiger mom. But, I know that if they work hard, they can get near perfect grades in demanding classes, so that's what I expect. Also important to parent the child you have. One of my kids will likely achieve "better" than the other. That's fine. I want that kid to do the best that they can do. Even if that's not a T10, T30 or whatever, that doesn't mean I'm not going to push him. I think it's the journey of pushing yourself in high school that reaps benefits for years to come. Not the college outcome.

+ 1 . Nice post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a tiger mom, but most people would say I am not. I push my kids, but I don't think that Kumon or "prestigious" summer programs (which to be clear, I think have their own benefits but college admission chances are not one of them).

I push them when it comes to what I think matters. Grades, rigor, discipline in their ECs (they cannot quit their core activities and we do the supplemental outside of school stuff only if beneficial to improving). Also being a polite and kinds person is important for life and yes I also think it is helpful professionally and academically.

I'm also extremely loving. So that may not be your definition of a tiger mom. But, I know that if they work hard, they can get near perfect grades in demanding classes, so that's what I expect. Also important to parent the child you have. One of my kids will likely achieve "better" than the other. That's fine. I want that kid to do the best that they can do. Even if that's not a T10, T30 or whatever, that doesn't mean I'm not going to push him. I think it's the journey of pushing yourself in high school that reaps benefits for years to come. Not the college outcome.

+1

This!

[Anonymous]

People have oddly accusatory ideas about what a Tiger Parent really entails. When intellectual, academically-inclined adults have kids with the same traits, then obviously that household might look to others as "Tiger Parentish", because they will place a high value on doing well in academic settings. If they have kids with varying traits, they need to be mindful of developing their children's talents, whatever they are, instead of insisting on the path they themselves excelled in.

The same goes for parents who used to be star athletes, or any other achievement parents dream of continuing in their offspring.

We're Tiger Parents, I suppose, in that we require straight As and classical music But we also want a best fit college and are not myopically focused on Ivies. We think learning is important for its own sake. Our version is to listen to and nurture our kids while having high academic expectations and foster love of learning. Seems to be going well so far for all our kids, in that they are all curious, intellectual people.

Our oldest has special needs and is doing well in college so far. We were careful to adjust our expectations to his particular needs. He is the most intellectual of our children, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
People have oddly accusatory ideas about what a Tiger Parent really entails. When intellectual, academically-inclined adults have kids with the same traits, then obviously that household might look to others as "Tiger Parentish", because they will place a high value on doing well in academic settings. If they have kids with varying traits, they need to be mindful of developing their children's talents, whatever they are, instead of insisting on the path they themselves excelled in.

The same goes for parents who used to be star athletes, or any other achievement parents dream of continuing in their offspring.

We're Tiger Parents, I suppose, in that we require straight As and classical music But we also want a best fit college and are not myopically focused on Ivies. We think learning is important for its own sake. Our version is to listen to and nurture our kids while having high academic expectations and foster love of learning. Seems to be going well so far for all our kids, in that they are all curious, intellectual people.

Our oldest has special needs and is doing well in college so far. We were careful to adjust our expectations to his particular needs. He is the most intellectual of our children, actually.

You sound - and I want to be clear I mean this sincerely - lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is telling that you did not ask, “how is their mental health?”

Or, “how is your relationship with them?”

OP wants to hear about the ROI on tiger-parenting, but sounds oblivious to the risks.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I am a tiger mom, but most people would say I am not. I push my kids, but I don't think that Kumon or "prestigious" summer programs (which to be clear, I think have their own benefits but college admission chances are not one of them).

I push them when it comes to what I think matters. Grades, rigor, discipline in their ECs (they cannot quit their core activities and we do the supplemental outside of school stuff only if beneficial to improving). Also being a polite and kinds person is important for life and yes I also think it is helpful professionally and academically.

I'm also extremely loving. So that may not be your definition of a tiger mom. But, I know that if they work hard, they can get near perfect grades in demanding classes, so that's what I expect. Also important to parent the child you have. One of my kids will likely achieve "better" than the other. That's fine. I want that kid to do the best that they can do. Even if that's not a T10, T30 or whatever, that doesn't mean I'm not going to push him. I think it's the journey of pushing yourself in high school that reaps benefits for years to come. Not the college outcome.

This is key for me. I'd like them to get into HYPS, but if they get into Bucknell I can be sure they'll knock it out of the park. That's not a knock on Bucknell, they're just very prepared and ready to succeed anywhere.

[Anonymous]

My parents were tiger parents. They pushed me to focus on my studies in high school and get into the best college that I can. I got a full ride to flagship T10 and studied business and engineering. The discipline and work ethics helped me succeed in college and in my career. I have no regrets and am grateful they pushed me.