If you "tiger mom'd" your kids, how did they turn out in college (and beyond)

[Anonymous]

I went to HYP and still won't forgive my tiger parents. They robbed me of happiness in my formative years that wasn't fully regained until my 40s.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a black-and-white thing where you are either a tiger parent or not a tiger parent. There are many traits that vary on a continuous spectrum; for example being strict to being lax, having high expectations to having no expectations, giving too much attention vs. neglect, etc.. It's terrible if you go overboard, but it's also terrible if you do nothing to nurture your kid or set expectations. Most people don't know that Amy Chua realized that she went overboard in her tiger parenting with her second kid, and that she acknowledges making mistakes, because so few people actually read the book.

[Anonymous]

You really expect an accurate assessment from a tiger mom?

[Anonymous]

I tend to think of the world as a spectrum or continuum on most things, but tiger parenting is not one of them.

Isn't the whole idea behind tiger parenting that you don't moderate or compromise on anything? It's like pregnancy, either you are or aren't. Sure, you can try to incorporate 80 percent of tiger parenting or try to pick and choose, but that's not really tiger parenting anymore IMO.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably thought of as a tiger mom. Expected my kids to get all As, play an instrument, etc., but that’s because they seemed easily capable of that. They did great in high school. We are also very close. DD is at a T25 getting lots of Bs, and I don’t love it, to be honest, but she’s happy and excelling at her intellectual extracurricular, so it’s fine. Younger kid is brilliant. And happy. We’ll see what happens to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think of the world as a spectrum or continuum on most things, but tiger parenting is not one of them.

Isn't the whole idea behind tiger parenting that you don't moderate or compromise on anything? It's like pregnancy, either you are or aren't. Sure, you can try to incorporate 80 percent of tiger parenting or try to pick and choose, but that's not really tiger parenting anymore IMO.

I guess it depends on your definition of tiger parenting. If you read the original book, it was actually a memoir, complete with admissions of mistakes, and an acknowledgement that she has a fiery temper by nature. The book, as I read it, was definitely not meant to be a how-to guide for harassing and alienating your kids until they become successful. I enjoyed the memoir, but I hate how it has come to represent a stereotype for most Asian mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you’ll get replies because there’s a school of adequate prestige out there for everyone. They’ll say they fell in love with Bucknell and can’t imagine a better choice.

Bucknell is prestigious and sends a ton of grads to The Street where they make huge salaries, but it's not a school where the typical tiger mom'd square will thrive. Getting the most out of Bucknell requires not only making good grades but also, and perhaps more important, successfully navigating the social and Greek scene, networking, and making connections. A kid who spent their formative years practicing for violin competitions and studying seven hours at night under the looming gaze of an oppressive tiger mom probably won't have the skills to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading all kinds of anecdotal stories here about someone who knew someone who knew a tiger mom'd kid who Hopelessly Collapsed in College. I'm not interested in such third-hand gossip here, I want to hear from current or former tiger moms themselves.

You put your kid through everything from Kumon to prestige summer programs and now they're presumably at or graduated from an institution of no little prestige. How did it work out? Do you have any regrets? Advice?

Thanks in advance!

I tried my best but mine just aren't the type who could be tamed. They refused to attend Kumon, summer programs and SAT prep. However, they succeeded nonetheless so it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, kids of my circle's tiger moms seem to be doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, kids of my circle's tiger moms seem to be doing well.

I don't doubt it. And when they get married, many of them will choose to spend holidays with their spouse's families who are interested in them as human beings and not just what they can achieve.

[Anonymous]

Amy chia's kids graduated from Harvard and harvard/yale (?) law schools and are now prosecutors i think? one lives in Miami and another one in Oregon.

[Anonymous]

I did read it, and my interpretation was that Amy Chua, in hindsight, realized the flaws of being a tiger mom (i.e., how she actually parented, not how she should've done it instead). To me, having very high expectations isn't what makes one a tiger parent. Anyone can do that. It's the strict disciplinarian part on top, as described in some of the anecdotes from her book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably thought of as a tiger mom. Expected my kids to get all As, play an instrument, etc., but that’s because they seemed easily capable of that. They did great in high school. We are also very close. DD is at a T25 getting lots of Bs, and I don’t love it, to be honest, but she’s happy and excelling at her intellectual extracurricular, so it’s fine. Younger kid is brilliant. And happy. We’ll see what happens to him.

What would getting a bunch of As do for her, unless she's getting a grad degree? College is the best time to stop grade grubbing every five seconds and actually learn a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Current student. I track one of my high school friends who was tiger parented all the time. She got into a guaranteed med school program, so doing well, but a raging alcoholic and constantly parties, since she now has freedom. Her mom of course doesn't know anything, because she'll only tell her that she has a full transcript of As (she doesn't).

[Anonymous]

The Tiger Mom child I know went to a top 10 and totally floundered first year. Was on academic probation and had to take remedial summer school class. Tiger Mom wasn’t happy. 2nd year in turned things around and made dean’s list.