Husband invited family without my consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the length of visit and where is everyone staying?

OP here. They will be arriving next Wednesday and staying until Sunday. They are all staying at our home.

Have DH find them an AB&B. And he is the host, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If grandma kills over next week without ever meeting her grandchild, a visit with in laws will be the least of your concerns.

Not OP, but I wouldn't regret not inviting her for one single second.

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't really get the problem.

If he is a helpful involved father.

If he doesn't help/there are health issues with you/the baby/your house is a mess or cramped and small or you and your DH aren't getting along- or his family/friends are a miss, this should be cancelled by him.

[Anonymous]

This is not remotely believable. Try harder OP. Everyone just made plans like this for 4th of July? Sure.

[Anonymous]

I’d be thrilled! Grandma can watch the baby while I sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not remotely believable. Try harder OP. Everyone just made plans like this for 4th of July? Sure.

OP here. We don’t often celebrate July 4 or New Years. We all find it to be a bunch of young drunk kids and idiots so we stay home. Same with his parents. Our friends are coming tomorrow, bot July 4.

[Anonymous]

It's his baby as much as yours. Suppose they could see -just the baby- without you. A little. And certainly they shouldn't stay with you.

[Anonymous]

I take it they're not people like my father, who started cleaning my house and cooking dinner when he arrived *from overseas* for the newborn visit. I appreciated him SO MUCH.

If they're the normal sort of people who get in the way, then you put your foot down and disinvite them. Yourself, if your idiot husband is too chicken to do that.

[Anonymous]

He "forgot to tell you"? Come on. They wanted it, he said yes, and he kept it a secret because he knew it would be hard for you and you wouldn't say yes if he asked. He is a weasel.

Tell him they have to get a hotel. If he "forgets" this, don't lift a finger to host them. He does all the work, or they do, but you do zero.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty weird not to let the grandparents see the baby ASAP. But totally ok to say they need to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Friends staying at your place? No no no no no.

For him to "forget" both friends and family invited is absurd. He is screwing you over because he is a people-pleaser. Draw some hard lines or life will be miserable. Time to stand up for yourself and your baby and tell him absolutely no houseguests without mutual advance consent.

[Anonymous]

Are you Graham Cracker's mom? You and your husband need to get on the same page and be a united front. You need to agree that you'll agree on houseguests before inviting them. He needs to tell them five days is WAY too long - they can either shorten it to one night or they can stay in a hotel he pays for or he can cancel and reschedule for the end. of the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a strange dynamic to me. You just had a son. So you will one day be the MIL excited to meet her grandchild. I am frankly surprised they have waited almost 3 weeks. I do think asking them to stay in a hotel is reasonable, but if you have room why not have them stay with you and have your husband be in charge of hosting duties? I have 4 children and my out of town in-laws met each of them within a few days of birth. I was grateful to have an extended family who embraced my children/their grandchildren. I think this is just part of the deal and all this boundary talk is why people have such difficult relationships with their in-laws. They are family. Their visit doesn't have to be perfect, but let them in. It truly takes a village.

They aren't family. They are extended family. Their job is to wait in the wings until they are asked to join, then they should join on the grounds that the FAMILY wants them.

The first sense of entitlement from them—the first sign that they think they have a right to force their way into your family, you push back. Set the boundary BEFORE they start forcing themselves in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty weird not to let the grandparents see the baby ASAP. But totally ok to say they need to stay in a hotel.

No, it's not. It's weird to not tell them about a baby being born or sending pictures. The idea that they have some right to see the baby is effed up. They wait, and when you're ready, you allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mad your husband arranged for his OWN PARENTS to meet his baby? Yes, you are TA. He probably should have mentioned it to you but it is completely reasonable to do this, and extremely unreasonable if you refused, unless there are real extenuating circumstances. You’re weeks post-partum, not days.

Now you’d be justified in being mad if they are sleeping at your house and he’s not going to do all the hosting. But no, you don’t get to block him indefinitely from introducing his child to his family/friends.

If your husband prioritizes his parents over his wife and child he's on the wrong page. His priorities just changed in a major way. He needs to understand that—his first thought should be the mother and the baby. Everyone else can wait. If they are wanted and if their visit doesn't impose, they should be allowed to come. But a multi-day visit from in-laws is a taxing enterprise when you dont have any children, or a baby or an entire total life rewrite. The OP is going through some big stuff, asking her to play hotel manager for a bunch of pushy distant relatives is not reasonable.