Husband invited family without my consent

[Anonymous]

I had our sweet baby boy an earlier this month. We had local family meet him in the hospital and our extended family got to meet him over FaceTime. We had discussed family eventually but to meet him but didn’t have any set plans. My husband drops the bomb today that he forgot to mention to me that he invited people over for this weekend ( friends) and his family ( parents + brother) plan to come meet our son at the end of next week. I’m pretty furious. He looked genuinely surprised that I was upset by all of this. Would I be an Ahole if I called and canceled? Should I just shut up and have them come?

[Anonymous]

He has to figure it out and get them a hotel and arrange for them to meet the baby once like the locals. No houseguests.

[Anonymous]

Not the a-hole.

It is unbelievably important when you have kids to set up the boundaries—and turn them into barriers if necessary—early and often.

It's YOUR family and your husband's first priority is YOUR family. Extended family can wait until it's convenient.

DO NOT LET THEM BULLY YOU. It will only get worse.

[Anonymous]

I disagree, I do think your the ahole. It's a weekend.

[Anonymous]

What’s the length of visit and where is everyone staying?

[Anonymous]

Make them stay in a hotel and husband is responsible for feeding/entertaining the guests. But I’m going against the grain here and going to say that not making some accommodation to have grandparents meet a grandchild in the first month is weird. If your parents in law aren’t helpful make your husband put them to work. But your child is THEIR family. If they were so awful you would have mentioned it in your original post. You need to not think of yourself as the queen of the universe because you’re not. People wonder why families don’t work any more.

Your DH should have discussed it with you, though.

[Anonymous]

My husband has invited his family at inopportune times, without consulting me first, but would never have done that for a newborn visit.

What's the problem exactly, besides that you weren't consulted? Is it your level of fatigue? Messy house? Fear of newborn contracting something? Needing to be a host and make small talk?

Tell him off for not consulting you.
Then decide whether you prefer canceling or letting these people come and see you in all your unprepared glory - or as much as of it as your husband can't clean up all by himself. Personally, I would not lift a finger in the house, or lift a finger when they come. They would have to get their own drinks and step over the full diaper Genie on the way to the kitchen. I would breast feed right there in front of them, disheveled and absorbed in my baby. They would have to wash their hands and faces thoroughly before touching my baby.

You choose, OP. There is no wrong option, except the one where you run around doing things for guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the length of visit and where is everyone staying?

OP here. They will be arriving next Wednesday and staying until Sunday. They are all staying at our home.

[Anonymous]

If you can, wait until baby is 6 weeks before exposing to lots of germs. If baby is less than 6 weeks and gets a fever, you are looking at a hospital visit and spinal tap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make them stay in a hotel and husband is responsible for feeding/entertaining the guests. But I’m going against the grain here and going to say that not making some accommodation to have grandparents meet a grandchild in the first month is weird. If your parents in law aren’t helpful make your husband put them to work. But your child is THEIR family. If they were so awful you would have mentioned it in your original post. You need to not think of yourself as the queen of the universe because you’re not. People wonder why families don’t work any more.

Your DH should have discussed it with you, though.

OP here. They are not awful but I’m still healing from childbirth and learning how to be a mom. Our son is just a little over 2 weeks old. It’s hasn’t been that long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband has invited his family at inopportune times, without consulting me first, but would never have done that for a newborn visit.

What's the problem exactly, besides that you weren't consulted? Is it your level of fatigue? Messy house? Fear of newborn contracting something? Needing to be a host and make small talk?

Tell him off for not consulting you.
Then decide whether you prefer canceling or letting these people come and see you in all your unprepared glory - or as much as of it as your husband can't clean up all by himself. Personally, I would not lift a finger in the house, or lift a finger when they come. They would have to get their own drinks and step over the full diaper Genie on the way to the kitchen. I would breast feed right there in front of them, disheveled and absorbed in my baby. They would have to wash their hands and faces thoroughly before touching my baby.

You choose, OP. There is no wrong option, except the one where you run around doing things for guests.

Because people like that will not stop encroaching. STOP THEM BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

They have no business being there, if they are truly interested the will be THRILLED to wait for your okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My husband has invited his family at inopportune times, without consulting me first, but would never have done that for a newborn visit.

What's the problem exactly, besides that you weren't consulted? Is it your level of fatigue? Messy house? Fear of newborn contracting something? Needing to be a host and make small talk?

Tell him off for not consulting you.
Then decide whether you prefer canceling or letting these people come and see you in all your unprepared glory - or as much as of it as your husband can't clean up all by himself. Personally, I would not lift a finger in the house, or lift a finger when they come. They would have to get their own drinks and step over the full diaper Genie on the way to the kitchen. I would breast feed right there in front of them, disheveled and absorbed in my baby. They would have to wash their hands and faces thoroughly before touching my baby.

You choose, OP. There is no wrong option, except the one where you run around doing things for guests.

OP here. Our son is just over 2 weeks old. I’m healing from birth, we are still working on getting comfortable with breastfeeding, and lack of sleep is an issue for us. I don’t really want guests at all while I’m still healing. I do feel like everyone will want to be in my face and the babies face the entire time and I’m bro ready for any of it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I know he didn’t have an ill intentions. He’s super excited to show our son to people and have them meet him. It’s an exciting time but it’s just not the right time. I would have said no had he talked to me first. Maybe at 1 month but not now.

[Anonymous]

It's once you have a child that you find out what a nutjob your wife really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's once you have a child that you find out what a nutjob your wife really is.

OP here. Why does this make me a nut job?