Husband invited family without my consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My husband has invited his family at inopportune times, without consulting me first, but would never have done that for a newborn visit.

What's the problem exactly, besides that you weren't consulted? Is it your level of fatigue? Messy house? Fear of newborn contracting something? Needing to be a host and make small talk?

Tell him off for not consulting you.
Then decide whether you prefer canceling or letting these people come and see you in all your unprepared glory - or as much as of it as your husband can't clean up all by himself. Personally, I would not lift a finger in the house, or lift a finger when they come. They would have to get their own drinks and step over the full diaper Genie on the way to the kitchen. I would breast feed right there in front of them, disheveled and absorbed in my baby. They would have to wash their hands and faces thoroughly before touching my baby.

You choose, OP. There is no wrong option, except the one where you run around doing things for guests.

OP here. Our son is just over 2 weeks old. I’m healing from birth, we are still working on getting comfortable with breastfeeding, and lack of sleep is an issue for us. I don’t really want guests at all while I’m still healing. I do feel like everyone will want to be in my face and the babies face the entire time and I’m bro ready for any of it.

PP you replied to. Thanks. In that case, you make your husband call everyone back to cancel, and if he so much as implies that you're being unreasonable, you tear him a new one.

[Anonymous]

This is too soon. I’m having a baby soon and would be furious if people were invited to stay in our home. You need to heal. Your health comes first.

[Anonymous]

OP, it would be reasonable to accommodate a visitor who stayed in a hotel, for one night, and popped over to see the baby for two one-hour visits.

Wednesday through Sunday in your home? His parents and your BIL? While baby is two weeks old? No. Way.

[Anonymous]

Your mad your husband arranged for his OWN PARENTS to meet his baby? Yes, you are TA. He probably should have mentioned it to you but it is completely reasonable to do this, and extremely unreasonable if you refused, unless there are real extenuating circumstances. You’re weeks post-partum, not days.

Now you’d be justified in being mad if they are sleeping at your house and he’s not going to do all the hosting. But no, you don’t get to block him indefinitely from introducing his child to his family/friends.

[Anonymous]

Guests at two weeks is a no unless you’re enthusiastic. Surprise guests is insane. Your husband should be ashamed of himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mad your husband arranged for his OWN PARENTS to meet his baby? Yes, you are TA. He probably should have mentioned it to you but it is completely reasonable to do this, and extremely unreasonable if you refused, unless there are real extenuating circumstances. You’re weeks post-partum, not days.

Now you’d be justified in being mad if they are sleeping at your house and he’s not going to do all the hosting. But no, you don’t get to block him indefinitely from introducing his child to his family/friends.

If they were staying at a hotel I’d tell her to suck it up. But see above. They’re not.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell him to retract the invitation. You will be sleep deprived and emotional; not a good time for house guests AT ALL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the length of visit and where is everyone staying?

OP here. They will be arriving next Wednesday and staying until Sunday. They are all staying at our home.

Oh HELL no! With a newborn?! Unless your relationship is such that they'll be cooking, cleaning, and doing everything they can to support you, they stay in a hotel.

And you and your husband need to have a chat and get on the same page. I can appreciate his enthusiasm, but men tend to run pretty clueless about both recovery from childbirth and general household/entertaining requirements.

Not the AH, nor is he, but this is likely to be a hot mess unless those folx are showing up specifically to support YOU (in which case, you should've been consulted in advance).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mad your husband arranged for his OWN PARENTS to meet his baby? Yes, you are TA. He probably should have mentioned it to you but it is completely reasonable to do this, and extremely unreasonable if you refused, unless there are real extenuating circumstances. You’re weeks post-partum, not days.

Now you’d be justified in being mad if they are sleeping at your house and he’s not going to do all the hosting. But no, you don’t get to block him indefinitely from introducing his child to his family/friends.

+100

[Anonymous]

I think you and your husband have a communication issue. My husband would've loved to have all of his family come and visit immediately. But he knew that I was a HELL MTHRFKN no to that. I let in-town family visit in the first few weeks, but that was it. It was scheduled through me and only for a few hours at a time. It's odd that these things are not discussed and clarified from the start. I don't mean to blame you, OP. It sucks; I hope you can have your dh cancel the whole thing.

I should add that I would be OK with my out of town in-laws coming in the first few weeks, but only if I was part of the planning process. My husband knew that.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should set the time together, you need rest and should advocate this to him and his family

[Anonymous]

This is a strange dynamic to me. You just had a son. So you will one day be the MIL excited to meet her grandchild. I am frankly surprised they have waited almost 3 weeks. I do think asking them to stay in a hotel is reasonable, but if you have room why not have them stay with you and have your husband be in charge of hosting duties? I have 4 children and my out of town in-laws met each of them within a few days of birth. I was grateful to have an extended family who embraced my children/their grandchildren. I think this is just part of the deal and all this boundary talk is why people have such difficult relationships with their in-laws. They are family. Their visit doesn't have to be perfect, but let them in. It truly takes a village.

[Anonymous]

If grandma kills over next week without ever meeting her grandchild, a visit with in laws will be the least of your concerns.

[Anonymous]

You allowed your own family to see their grandchild but don’t want to extend that to his family?

Yeah, that’s messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If grandma kills over next week without ever meeting her grandchild, a visit with in laws will be the least of your concerns.

If the dog hadn’t stopped to sh¡t he would have caught the rabbit.
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