Becoming invisible to men at 50

[Anonymous]

I’m 50 and I feel I understand what you are saying. I’ve aged nicely and gradually got used to less and less make attention. But I got hair extensions a few months ago and boom, it’s like going back 20 years, suddenly I am way more interesting to talk to again.

[Anonymous]

Botox also helps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and realizing how quickly I've become invisible to men and how little men want to have to do with me because i'm no longer attractive (I'm fit and well dressed and do a ton of maintenance etc but there is no really hiding that I'm 50). I was at a (primarily male, industry) cocktail event last night. I used to be able to chat about anything and could hold male attention. Now they look bored within a minute or two. I don't think I'm particularly boring--but I don't have youth or looks so whatever I say is boring to a large percentage of the male population.

I don't care about not having sex appeal (and in many ways that makes life easier) but I hate not being worth talking to unless I really assert myself or prove my intellectual ability right away. It's been really noticeable recently. I feel like I look the same as I did at 45 but the difference in conversation is MARKED. I shouldn't care but again it's not about the looks or the sex appeal. It's about being worthy to interact with. Sigh. I'm getting used to it but this is rough.

That's liberating not worrisome. If you must, focus on 60+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and realizing how quickly I've become invisible to men and how little men want to have to do with me because i'm no longer attractive (I'm fit and well dressed and do a ton of maintenance etc but there is no really hiding that I'm 50). I was at a (primarily male, industry) cocktail event last night. I used to be able to chat about anything and could hold male attention. Now they look bored within a minute or two. I don't think I'm particularly boring--but I don't have youth or looks so whatever I say is boring to a large percentage of the male population.

I don't care about not having sex appeal (and in many ways that makes life easier) but I hate not being worth talking to unless I really assert myself or prove my intellectual ability right away. It's been really noticeable recently. I feel like I look the same as I did at 45 but the difference in conversation is MARKED. I shouldn't care but again it's not about the looks or the sex appeal. It's about being worthy to interact with. Sigh. I'm getting used to it but this is rough.

I’m 29 and get hit on by 50+ year old married men all the time. I’m seriously considering just dating an old guy. I have family money (don’t need to work) and I’m weirdly more attracted to old men anyway.

And I’m confused what you mean. I get spoken down to, patronized, and I’m never taken seriously in the workplace. I do have blonde hair and wear heavy makeup though. The old, matronly, and overweight women with homely appearances get taken way more seriously. No one ever listens to me or thinks that I’m intellectual, and it was even worse when I was early 20s

I barely work though (I do some work for my family, but any formal office job I quit after a few months). I have a trust fund, but I’m not that interested in traveling anymore and I get bored easily. And most normal people my age are incredibly jealous that they have to work for a living, live paycheck to paycheck, or stuck in some miserable marriage

Maybe you can go for young men. I had a 48 year old math teacher in high school that all the boys in my class were obsessed with. Some young guys have a weird attraction to old women

Does your last paragraph kean you think 48 is an old woman?

[Anonymous]

Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

[Anonymous]

48 is certainly not young!!

[Anonymous]

OP - I am not young and actually I have found it liberating in a way. Now, if people hang on my words, they are actually interesting. This can happen becasue I am successful at my work and well known.

I used to waste time at these events with people who were just flirting and wanted my attenti on for reasons that had nothing to do with work.

I get you that at parties or bars or social occasions it sucks to not be beautiful. But I'd recommend not bringing that to your job. I want to be remembered and respected for my accomplishments in my work, not my figure.

[Anonymous]

54 and not experiencing that at all. Always have a crowd around me. I always had guy friends in my youth.

I plan to be those grand dams that everyone still loved hanging around--without the long cigarette--but with the martini or g&t.

We also hang out with neighbors in their 30s and they call to invite us over or to dinner.

We used to get invited to dinner by 50-60 year olds in our old neighborhood at that age and they were fun and had great stories.

My 20-30 something nephews also love coming over to our house and bring friends.

Be interesting. OR those guys at your work event could just be a bunch of douches. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

Sounds like your pretty privilege disappeared. Your looks are still good and something that women aspire to - well groomed, all of the right clothes, natural yet aging beauty. But the instinctive sexual attractiveness to males is gone; as you are in that post-menopausal age range. Now you are just another normal human to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s karma for all those men who were invisible to you when you were 20.

This. But the men just sort of ignore you. For men in their 20s, the women are much worse to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

Sounds like your pretty privilege disappeared. Your looks are still good and something that women aspire to - well groomed, all of the right clothes, natural yet aging beauty. But the instinctive sexual attractiveness to males is gone; as you are in that post-menopausal age range. Now you are just another normal human to them.

OP. Yes, I think this is probably true. I was never super confident or comfortable in my sexuality as a young person and I dressed the opposite of sexy (i was a huge fan of overalls in my early 20s) and skirted around life with my head mostly down. But even so I got a decent amount of privilege thrown my way and I could generally date the most attractive man in a room if I showed interest. Ironically I finally grew into my self and gained confidence in my 40s and then my looks faded. i think i'm a good conversationalist, a great friend, a decent wife and mother. But the pretty privilege is gone. I think in some ways it's easier to never have had it. It's hard to be invisible when you are used to be visible. It's also sobering to realize the real role of sexual attractiveness to how some others value you despite everything else you bring to the table a woman, colleague, employee, or person.

[Anonymous]

I’m currently at a conference. There are 74 men and 6 women in the room. I’m 50. I haven’t found conversation with my male colleagues different. I’m not invisible. If I have something to say, I say it. At the cocktail hour I walked around and talked to mostly men about work and non work topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. This is all interesting. I think I have a fun, interesting, authentic vibe. I make close female friends extremely easily--I often have more interaction then I know what to do with in this regard--moms from school often text me to walk, go to coffee, etc. I probably have 5 super close local friends (the ones I'll know until I'm dead). So I do think I come off as authentic, deprecating, fun to other women.

Seems like the conversational style and topics would be different with the group you describe above and your mostly male professional colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

Sounds like your pretty privilege disappeared. Your looks are still good and something that women aspire to - well groomed, all of the right clothes, natural yet aging beauty. But the instinctive sexual attractiveness to males is gone; as you are in that post-menopausal age range. Now you are just another normal human to them.

OP. Yes, I think this is probably true. I was never super confident or comfortable in my sexuality as a young person and I dressed the opposite of sexy (i was a huge fan of overalls in my early 20s) and skirted around life with my head mostly down. But even so I got a decent amount of privilege thrown my way and I could generally date the most attractive man in a room if I showed interest. Ironically I finally grew into my self and gained confidence in my 40s and then my looks faded. i think i'm a good conversationalist, a great friend, a decent wife and mother. But the pretty privilege is gone. I think in some ways it's easier to never have had it. It's hard to be invisible when you are used to be visible. It's also sobering to realize the real role of sexual attractiveness to how some others value you despite everything else you bring to the table a woman, colleague, employee, or person.

Humblebrag.