Becoming invisible to men at 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

It doesn't speak volumes that she want to be able to engage with a variety of people, including men. I attend work coctail parties all the time and I'm in a male dominated field. I know exactly how OP feels. I sometimes feel invisible too, like no matter what I say these guy just want to look past me. It hurts!! Not everyone is like that I I try to focus on those folks.

OP, what I've been trying to do is to ensure I make other women of all ages feel seen in alm social settings. It's my drop in the bucket to humanity.

[Anonymous]

It's a more of a contrast of their eyes getting lit as a young, fertile, pretty woman joins in.
But hey, that used to be me!

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

[Anonymous]

Listen, not everyone has a high tolerance for women in midlife. Some of you are weak.
"No man ever was glorious, who was not laborious."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, not everyone has a high tolerance for women in midlife. Some of you are weak.
"No man ever was glorious, who was not laborious."

What does this even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

I'm right there with you, pp. As soon as we retire, I'm going completely gray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

I'm right there with you, pp. As soon as we retire, I'm going completely gray.

My mom did that and she's getting a lot of lesbian gaze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

Sounds like your pretty privilege disappeared. Your looks are still good and something that women aspire to - well groomed, all of the right clothes, natural yet aging beauty. But the instinctive sexual attractiveness to males is gone; as you are in that post-menopausal age range. Now you are just another normal human to them.

OP. Yes, I think this is probably true. I was never super confident or comfortable in my sexuality as a young person and I dressed the opposite of sexy (i was a huge fan of overalls in my early 20s) and skirted around life with my head mostly down. But even so I got a decent amount of privilege thrown my way and I could generally date the most attractive man in a room if I showed interest. Ironically I finally grew into my self and gained confidence in my 40s and then my looks faded. i think i'm a good conversationalist, a great friend, a decent wife and mother. But the pretty privilege is gone. I think in some ways it's easier to never have had it. It's hard to be invisible when you are used to be visible. It's also sobering to realize the real role of sexual attractiveness to how some others value you despite everything else you bring to the table a woman, colleague, employee, or person.

Humblebrag.

OP does give the impression of being quite full of herself and lacking self-awareness, hence the Schadenfreude in these comments.

+1 Same with the responses from people basically saying "You slobs just don't understand the struggles of aging pretty people."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

I'm right there with you, pp. As soon as we retire, I'm going completely gray.

My mom did that and she's getting a lot of lesbian gaze.

I'm really enjoying the lesbian gaze. Been giving it out as well, and I've only been appreciated for it. Wondering why I didn't notice and start participating sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

+1
Pushing 50 and can’t be bothered with the type of men OP is talking about. Happily socializing with women and with ppl who care about having good convos, not looking to get laid.
Of course, it helps that I’m not in a male-dominated field. If that’s the case, I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

I'm right there with you, pp. As soon as we retire, I'm going completely gray.

My mom did that and she's getting a lot of lesbian gaze.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, it's been wonderful not to have the male gaze anymore! It's one reason I've let my gray hair grow in for the time being.

I'm right there with you, pp. As soon as we retire, I'm going completely gray.

My mom did that and she's getting a lot of lesbian gaze.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

I thought women wanted to be left alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

Because she was at an event with mostly men, which she said in her post.

[Anonymous]

If men aren’t interested in conversing with you - despite you being smart, interesting and a good conversationalist - simply because you are no longer young / good looking, that’s on them. But hopefully that’s a small sliver of the men out there. Lean into the fact that you are experienced and smart and screw anyone who dismisses you due to looks!

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps it is your attitude and demeanor that’s changed even more than your appearance and that is causing your colleague’s attention to wander. If you’re so self aware and thinking that it is all about your appearance, you could come off as self conscious and less easy to converse with than when you previously felt powerful and sexy and in charge of things?