Becoming invisible to men at 50

[Anonymous]

As someone who works in a male dominated field, I am surprised you haven’t acquired thicker skin. I have had men assume I am support staff and asking to bring coffee or addressing me as sweetheart, now that was truly mortifying. Being invisible is not so bad, if you bring value to the conversation the right people will recognize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say goodbye to pretty privilege. Welcome to the world of normal people.

This. I'm a 63 year old women and men talk to me at work events. You may have been previously skating by on your looks.
You need to work on your conversation game.

[Anonymous]

It’s been my experience that male dominated fields always have a few important, older and largely beloved women around to take care of them so I’m surprised.

[Anonymous]

You must have been really beautiful before so this is more shocking to you....I've had a plain face my whole life so no big letdown with aging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been my experience that male dominated fields always have a few important, older and largely beloved women around to take care of them so I’m surprised.

You're "surprised" that any woman in a male-dominated fields is not in the "mother hen" roll after age 45?

[Anonymous]

It was a relief to me not to be hit on by men in my 50s.

[Anonymous]

I am 51 and work in a male dominated profession. I haven’t noticed this. But I am very senior/well known in my industry so people seek me out. I am glad men don’t approach me to hit of me. That would be depressing at this point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and realizing how quickly I've become invisible to men and how little men want to have to do with me because i'm no longer attractive (I'm fit and well dressed and do a ton of maintenance etc but there is no really hiding that I'm 50). I was at a (primarily male, industry) cocktail event last night. I used to be able to chat about anything and could hold male attention. Now they look bored within a minute or two. I don't think I'm particularly boring--but I don't have youth or looks so whatever I say is boring to a large percentage of the male population.

I don't care about not having sex appeal (and in many ways that makes life easier) but I hate not being worth talking to unless I really assert myself or prove my intellectual ability right away. It's been really noticeable recently. I feel like I look the same as I did at 45 but the difference in conversation is MARKED. I shouldn't care but again it's not about the looks or the sex appeal. It's about being worthy to interact with. Sigh. I'm getting used to it but this is rough.

I’m 29 and get hit on by 50+ year old married men all the time. I’m seriously considering just dating an old guy. I have family money (don’t need to work) and I’m weirdly more attracted to old men anyway.

And I’m confused what you mean. I get spoken down to, patronized, and I’m never taken seriously in the workplace. I do have blonde hair and wear heavy makeup though. The old, matronly, and overweight women with homely appearances get taken way more seriously. No one ever listens to me or thinks that I’m intellectual, and it was even worse when I was early 20s

I barely work though (I do some work for my family, but any formal office job I quit after a few months). I have a trust fund, but I’m not that interested in traveling anymore and I get bored easily. And most normal people my age are incredibly jealous that they have to work for a living, live paycheck to paycheck, or stuck in some miserable marriage

Maybe you can go for young men. I had a 48 year old math teacher in high school that all the boys in my class were obsessed with. Some young guys have a weird attraction to old women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 51 and work in a male dominated profession. I haven’t noticed this. But I am very senior/well known in my industry so people seek me out. I am glad men don’t approach me to hit of me. That would be depressing at this point

When I was in my early 20s in a male dominated profession, I was constantly sxually harassed, leered at, patronized, and never taken seriously by men in their 50s

[Anonymous]

It's not your looks but your vibe. Be interested in others, relaxed, authentic and fun.

[Anonymous]

OP. This is all interesting. I think I have a fun, interesting, authentic vibe. I make close female friends extremely easily--I often have more interaction then I know what to do with in this regard--moms from school often text me to walk, go to coffee, etc. I probably have 5 super close local friends (the ones I'll know until I'm dead). So I do think I come off as authentic, deprecating, fun to other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50 and realizing how quickly I've become invisible to men and how little men want to have to do with me because i'm no longer attractive (I'm fit and well dressed and do a ton of maintenance etc but there is no really hiding that I'm 50). I was at a (primarily male, industry) cocktail event last night. I used to be able to chat about anything and could hold male attention. Now they look bored within a minute or two. I don't think I'm particularly boring--but I don't have youth or looks so whatever I say is boring to a large percentage of the male population.

I don't care about not having sex appeal (and in many ways that makes life easier) but I hate not being worth talking to unless I really assert myself or prove my intellectual ability right away. It's been really noticeable recently. I feel like I look the same as I did at 45 but the difference in conversation is MARKED. I shouldn't care but again it's not about the looks or the sex appeal. It's about being worthy to interact with. Sigh. I'm getting used to it but this is rough.

I’m 29 and get hit on by 50+ year old married men all the time. I’m seriously considering just dating an old guy. I have family money (don’t need to work) and I’m weirdly more attracted to old men anyway.

And I’m confused what you mean. I get spoken down to, patronized, and I’m never taken seriously in the workplace. I do have blonde hair and wear heavy makeup though. The old, matronly, and overweight women with homely appearances get taken way more seriously. No one ever listens to me or thinks that I’m intellectual, and it was even worse when I was early 20s

I barely work though (I do some work for my family, but any formal office job I quit after a few months). I have a trust fund, but I’m not that interested in traveling anymore and I get bored easily. And most normal people my age are incredibly jealous that they have to work for a living, live paycheck to paycheck, or stuck in some miserable marriage

Maybe you can go for young men. I had a 48 year old math teacher in high school that all the boys in my class were obsessed with. Some young guys have a weird attraction to old women

It's hard to believe you have any intellectual skills when your answer is so off the mark. Good thing you are rich; you'll need money for your inevitable dementia care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. This is all interesting. I think I have a fun, interesting, authentic vibe. I make close female friends extremely easily--I often have more interaction then I know what to do with in this regard--moms from school often text me to walk, go to coffee, etc. I probably have 5 super close local friends (the ones I'll know until I'm dead). So I do think I come off as authentic, deprecating, fun to other women.

NP. I don't mean this to come off snarky so please don't take it that way.

You have been operating under a misconception for many years - that many of your male colleagues were interacting with you at these events, not because of your professional capabilities/connections, but because of your appearance. Take note of those men. It's never too late to revise your opinion and act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

The fact that you misread OP’s post in such a biased way speaks volumes about you.

[Anonymous]

Fish in the right pool, OP. Guys in their 30s or 40s aren’t going to be physically attracted to you, but that shouldn’t surprise you.

Or, work on your conversational skills.

—I’m 62 and a guy in his early 50s asked me out. I don’t think he knew my age, though, because I don’t look it.