Becoming invisible to men at 50

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and realizing how quickly I've become invisible to men and how little men want to have to do with me because i'm no longer attractive (I'm fit and well dressed and do a ton of maintenance etc but there is no really hiding that I'm 50). I was at a (primarily male, industry) cocktail event last night. I used to be able to chat about anything and could hold male attention. Now they look bored within a minute or two. I don't think I'm particularly boring--but I don't have youth or looks so whatever I say is boring to a large percentage of the male population.

I don't care about not having sex appeal (and in many ways that makes life easier) but I hate not being worth talking to unless I really assert myself or prove my intellectual ability right away. It's been really noticeable recently. I feel like I look the same as I did at 45 but the difference in conversation is MARKED. I shouldn't care but again it's not about the looks or the sex appeal. It's about being worthy to interact with. Sigh. I'm getting used to it but this is rough.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. Focus on the few good people who don't evaluate women based on their looks/youth.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

Why be a jerk?
Feel better about yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

Why be a jerk?
Feel better about yourself?

I think that PP made good points. NP

[Anonymous]

I'm 56 and let my hair go gray 8 years ago and I don't find this to be true at all. Maybe that's what you are expecting so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe you are letting your age bother you and you don't smile much anymore.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always been invisible to men so I have no concrete advice - BUT - lots of people have noted that in this area, people, in general, are always looking past you to find the next best person or their friends to talk to. Maybe it’s not you.

[Anonymous]

It’s karma for all those men who were invisible to you when you were 20.

[Anonymous]

Are you single? Recently divorced or widowed?

I don't understand your need for male attention in the way you describe it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s karma for all those men who were invisible to you when you were 20.

Plus 1000+ !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you single? Recently divorced or widowed?

I don't understand your need for male attention in the way you describe it?

It's a work event in a completely male dominated industry. I'm not sure I could be more clear-I'm not looking for romantic attention at all. I've noticed a change in how I'm interacted with at work events and this is what has been difficult. It's not every male but it's noticeable. I'm still the same smart, competent colleague I always have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you were never interesting but hot enough so men were willing to overlook that.

Maybe you encountered a bunch of jerks.

Maybe you’re attractive but are a bore.

Either way, why not talk to other women? The fact that you’re trying to hold mens’ attention speaks volumes.

Why be a jerk?
Feel better about yourself?

The poster was kind of rough, but I agree with the underlying sentiment. I have never been particularly eye catching, so I had to work on being a good conversalist. If people talk to you because you are pretty, then you don't have to work on the other stuff as much. So it's time to shift focus on figure out how to up your cocktail chatter.

[Anonymous]

Say goodbye to pretty privilege. Welcome to the world of normal people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you single? Recently divorced or widowed?

I don't understand your need for male attention in the way you describe it?

It's a work event in a completely male dominated industry. I'm not sure I could be more clear-I'm not looking for romantic attention at all. I've noticed a change in how I'm interacted with at work events and this is what has been difficult. It's not every male but it's noticeable. I'm still the same smart, competent colleague I always have been.

Do you chat with the homely looking men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 56 and let my hair go gray 8 years ago and I don't find this to be true at all. Maybe that's what you are expecting so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe you are letting your age bother you and you don't smile much anymore.

Gray hair isn't ugly. A lot of young people dye their hair gray.