Becoming invisible to men at 50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men still talk to me at 50+. Not sure what your issue is. Maybe your clothes are super frumpy? Wearing not enough makeup? Unattractive hairstyle?

A nice hair cut and color, a little make up, and a nice figure flattering outfit can really help you out.

OP. Nope. I get compliments from women all the time--from friends and even strangers (clerks, etc). I have lots of friends. I'm fit. Decent hair which I color very regularly (although it is nothing like the shiny, lush hair of my teen years--sigh) Light make-up. Nice clothing---I wear a lot of dresses worn by women 30+ (so not body-con and/or strapless but not dowdy)--shop higher end brands at Bloomingdales, etc.

Sounds like your pretty privilege disappeared. Your looks are still good and something that women aspire to - well groomed, all of the right clothes, natural yet aging beauty. But the instinctive sexual attractiveness to males is gone; as you are in that post-menopausal age range. Now you are just another normal human to them.

OP. Yes, I think this is probably true. I was never super confident or comfortable in my sexuality as a young person and I dressed the opposite of sexy (i was a huge fan of overalls in my early 20s) and skirted around life with my head mostly down. But even so I got a decent amount of privilege thrown my way and I could generally date the most attractive man in a room if I showed interest. Ironically I finally grew into my self and gained confidence in my 40s and then my looks faded. i think i'm a good conversationalist, a great friend, a decent wife and mother. But the pretty privilege is gone. I think in some ways it's easier to never have had it. It's hard to be invisible when you are used to be visible. It's also sobering to realize the real role of sexual attractiveness to how some others value you despite everything else you bring to the table a woman, colleague, employee, or person.

Humblebrag.

OP does give the impression of being quite full of herself and lacking self-awareness, hence the Schadenfreude in these comments.

[Anonymous]

I think most of the people on this thread are wayyy under 50 and have no clue. Op I am 55 and right there with you. Also it gets worse - it’s when the women start ignoring you too that it gets truly depressing, like not only are you undesirable to clients but so much so they don’t want to be associated with you or their brand associated with you either . Seriously - mostly unintended and subconscious but it happens. I am in public relations and it is def a young woman’s field. I get majorly overlooked for assignments and I know for a fact after 25!years in the field that it is because I no longer « look the part »

[Anonymous]

"A huge fan of overalls." I rest my case with my original statement about you, OP.

[Anonymous]

My gf is 67 and she obviously doesn’t look the way she did 20-30 years ago, but she is a very joyful, dynamic, energized, fun person. So she attracts — magnetically. OP sounds like she wants to be able to attract attention like a pretty picture stationary on the wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A huge fan of overalls." I rest my case with my original statement about you, OP.

What was your case? This is anonymous, we cannot tie you to your comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the people on this thread are wayyy under 50 and have no clue. Op I am 55 and right there with you. Also it gets worse - it’s when the women start ignoring you too that it gets truly depressing, like not only are you undesirable to clients but so much so they don’t want to be associated with you or their brand associated with you either . Seriously - mostly unintended and subconscious but it happens. I am in public relations and it is def a young woman’s field. I get majorly overlooked for assignments and I know for a fact after 25!years in the field that it is because I no longer « look the part »

I have been posting. I am 50 and a lawyer in DC, not a field known for beauty. But yes if you or OP are in PR or pharmaceutical sales or another field that is notorious for hiring young and beautiful, that discounts experience in favor of youth, then yes I see it. But I have to wonder, didn’t you benefit when youth (but not experience) was on your side? Didn’t you see this day coming?

[Anonymous]

It just sounds you were in bad company. Don't let it get to you.

[Anonymous]

I have experience this at purely social events, but not at events related to work. For work related events, I find people are still focused on what you have done and what you might be able to do for them professionally.

OP, what line of work are you in? Is it something like being a realtor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of the people on this thread are wayyy under 50 and have no clue. Op I am 55 and right there with you. Also it gets worse - it’s when the women start ignoring you too that it gets truly depressing, like not only are you undesirable to clients but so much so they don’t want to be associated with you or their brand associated with you either . Seriously - mostly unintended and subconscious but it happens. I am in public relations and it is def a young woman’s field. I get majorly overlooked for assignments and I know for a fact after 25!years in the field that it is because I no longer « look the part »

Yep. And they're predictably shifting blame to the woman. Just wait until it hits you. I was recently at the yearly gathering of my 6 closest girl friends (we are 51-52). These women are successful and dynamic (I can objectively say this). We were laughing about our new super power of invisibility.

[Anonymous]

It is about sex appeal. That is what makes you attractive to them. Without it, yeah, it is a lot harder to hold male attention

[Anonymous]

I think most of the people on this thread are wayyy under 50 and have no clue. Op I am 55 and right there with you. Also it gets worse - it’s when the women start ignoring you too that it gets truly depressing, like not only are you undesirable to clients but so much so they don’t want to be associated with you or their brand associated with you either .

I am the PP who said I have only experienced this socially and not at work. I am 53, have salt and pepper hair, and am slightly overweight. In a work context, I really think this is going to vary based on your field. I am an attorney at a law firm.

[Anonymous]

I'm 55 and don't find this to be true. I'm dating a 47 year old.

[Anonymous]

OP I think I understand. I also work in a male dominated field and pretty privilege is a double edged sword but very real. In addition , depending on the field, you can fairly easily be extremely beautiful for that crowd. I am reasonably good looking but in a conference in my field I would generally feel like the most attractive woman or up there (largely because there were not a lot of women there and it’s not a field where looks are emphasized). Anyway I think I’ve noticed my aging more at work related events than anywhere else for that reason. It just is what it is. It’s not the end of the world to be invisible to people who go by appearances.

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and worry about this. I genuinely think I am interesting and nice but I realize that a lot of the attention I get at work, which involves a lot of networking, is because of how I look. In 10 years will this change? Probably. And will that change my experience and enjoyment of work? Probably. Something to consider.

I bet you're beautiful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 55 and don't find this to be true. I'm dating a 47 year old.

I don't think this proves anything. I'm not in the 50+ dating market but my friends who are find dates (sometimes with a younger man--I mean past 45 a few years either way is pretty much the same age) but also comment on feeling invisible at-large.