Dating and exclusivity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I complied with a request like OP's before having sex with my last gf. She and I had gotten to know each other over many months after a mutual friend introduced us. She was a great match in many ways but we turned out not to be a great match sexually. I guess I'm glad I tried but i wish I knew what the sex would be like before I jumped onto such a serious relationship. Half the time we'd start to kiss and nothing would happen on my end without a lot of effort. We just didn't have good chemistry. I finally broke up with her after several months. Knowing what I know now, I wish we had stayed ",just friends."

You should have sex sooner (1-2 months into seeing a woman). Waiting many months was your mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

That sounds crazy and hasn't been my experience but I am picky. The men I talked to wanted exclusivitely right away..I'm also an attractive woman. However these men are never verbal about wanting exclusivity. They assume it then get annoyed when they know I'm dating just dating no sex more than one man. Why they don't outright ask me to be their girlfriend is beyond me. Is asking someone to be their girlfriend not in anymore?

Believe me they do sleep with other women unless you have right of access to each others premises on continuous and consistent basis. Thus they don’t ask you to be GF- they already have a FWB or a GF!

Well one referred to me as his girlfriend without asking me to be. The other guy assumed exclusivity and when he found out I was dating others he stepped back and said he wanted one on one and to contact him when I was ready and that he highly preferred talking to one person only. He was only 30.

I’ve come across such men, too. But that’s too much pressure when a guy is ready to put a ring on it within 6 months. I’m wealthy and always question their true intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I complied with a request like OP's before having sex with my last gf. She and I had gotten to know each other over many months after a mutual friend introduced us. She was a great match in many ways but we turned out not to be a great match sexually. I guess I'm glad I tried but i wish I knew what the sex would be like before I jumped onto such a serious relationship. Half the time we'd start to kiss and nothing would happen on my end without a lot of effort. We just didn't have good chemistry. I finally broke up with her after several months. Knowing what I know now, I wish we had stayed ",just friends."

So if she wasn't communicating about her sexual needs and you about yours how could it be a great match in other ways?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

That sounds crazy and hasn't been my experience but I am picky. The men I talked to wanted exclusivitely right away..I'm also an attractive woman. However these men are never verbal about wanting exclusivity. They assume it then get annoyed when they know I'm dating just dating no sex more than one man. Why they don't outright ask me to be their girlfriend is beyond me. Is asking someone to be their girlfriend not in anymore?

Believe me they do sleep with other women unless you have right of access to each others premises on continuous and consistent basis. Thus they don’t ask you to be GF- they already have a FWB or a GF!

Well one referred to me as his girlfriend without asking me to be. The other guy assumed exclusivity and when he found out I was dating others he stepped back and said he wanted one on one and to contact him when I was ready and that he highly preferred talking to one person only. He was only 30.

I’ve come across such men, too. But that’s too much pressure when a guy is ready to put a ring on it within 6 months. I’m wealthy and always question their true intentions.

I'm not wealthy, a minority, but attractive. I prefer their take over the promiscuity that is instantly a turnoff for me by most guys on old..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

OP, several times you’ve referred to “quality” men and women. Do you think that “quality” people have no kinks or the like?

As you seem to be screening mostly by physical attractiveness, and seem to keep running into this situation, perhaps it’s time to change your metrics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

That sounds crazy and hasn't been my experience but I am picky. The men I talked to wanted exclusivitely right away..I'm also an attractive woman. However these men are never verbal about wanting exclusivity. They assume it then get annoyed when they know I'm dating just dating no sex more than one man. Why they don't outright ask me to be their girlfriend is beyond me. Is asking someone to be their girlfriend not in anymore?

Believe me they do sleep with other women unless you have right of access to each others premises on continuous and consistent basis. Thus they don’t ask you to be GF- they already have a FWB or a GF!

Well one referred to me as his girlfriend without asking me to be. The other guy assumed exclusivity and when he found out I was dating others he stepped back and said he wanted one on one and to contact him when I was ready and that he highly preferred talking to one person only. He was only 30.

I’ve come across such men, too. But that’s too much pressure when a guy is ready to put a ring on it within 6 months. I’m wealthy and always question their true intentions.

I'm not wealthy, a minority, but attractive. I prefer their take over the promiscuity that is instantly a turnoff for me by most guys on old..

Is it just me who can’t understand what you wrote ?

[Anonymous]

Op, I’d recommend making it clear you are dating because you want to be in an exclusive relationship. Also ask for written proof of current std testing and say you aren’t co for table sleeping with someone unless it’s exclusive and old profiles have been taken down. Also don’t sleep with a guy after just a few dates. I tend to date a guy for a least a couple months before sex

The vast majority of guys I’ve dated are fine with this. I’ve only had one guy leave me because of this and in retrospect he was just looking for sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

That sounds crazy and hasn't been my experience but I am picky. The men I talked to wanted exclusivitely right away..I'm also an attractive woman. However these men are never verbal about wanting exclusivity. They assume it then get annoyed when they know I'm dating just dating no sex more than one man. Why they don't outright ask me to be their girlfriend is beyond me. Is asking someone to be their girlfriend not in anymore?

Believe me they do sleep with other women unless you have right of access to each others premises on continuous and consistent basis. Thus they don’t ask you to be GF- they already have a FWB or a GF!

Well one referred to me as his girlfriend without asking me to be. The other guy assumed exclusivity and when he found out I was dating others he stepped back and said he wanted one on one and to contact him when I was ready and that he highly preferred talking to one person only. He was only 30.

I’ve come across such men, too. But that’s too much pressure when a guy is ready to put a ring on it within 6 months. I’m wealthy and always question their true intentions.

I'm not wealthy, a minority, but attractive. I prefer their take over the promiscuity that is instantly a turnoff for me by most guys on old..

Is it just me who can’t understand what you wrote ?

Which sentence couldn't you understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

OP, several times you’ve referred to “quality” men and women. Do you think that “quality” people have no kinks or the like?

As you seem to be screening mostly by physical attractiveness, and seem to keep running into this situation, perhaps it’s time to change your metrics.

I’m not OP but I just date men who are about same level as myself by attractiveness. No, I won’t lower my standards as I want to crave physically for my man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I complied with a request like OP's before having sex with my last gf. She and I had gotten to know each other over many months after a mutual friend introduced us. She was a great match in many ways but we turned out not to be a great match sexually. I guess I'm glad I tried but i wish I knew what the sex would be like before I jumped onto such a serious relationship. Half the time we'd start to kiss and nothing would happen on my end without a lot of effort. We just didn't have good chemistry. I finally broke up with her after several months. Knowing what I know now, I wish we had stayed ",just friends."

So sex shouldn't require much, or any "effort"? I wonder how much you actually communicated with each other about sex. I mean specific and direct communication, as in, telling each other what to do, asking each other about preferences, and actually enjoying figuring things out together. So many people -- both men and women -- just expect it to happen magically and expect the other person to be "a great match sexually" but don't want to work at sex. And if you actually like, or dare I say love, the other person, well, the "working" on figuring out the best sex between you isn't work at all. When sex is THE end goal and top priority of course you just move on if it's not what you deem ideal. When the relationship as a whole is the priority, sex reflects and supports (not rules) the relationship, and you're both willing to make that "effort."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

That sounds crazy and hasn't been my experience but I am picky. The men I talked to wanted exclusivitely right away..I'm also an attractive woman. However these men are never verbal about wanting exclusivity. They assume it then get annoyed when they know I'm dating just dating no sex more than one man. Why they don't outright ask me to be their girlfriend is beyond me. Is asking someone to be their girlfriend not in anymore?

Believe me they do sleep with other women unless you have right of access to each others premises on continuous and consistent basis. Thus they don’t ask you to be GF- they already have a FWB or a GF!

Well one referred to me as his girlfriend without asking me to be. The other guy assumed exclusivity and when he found out I was dating others he stepped back and said he wanted one on one and to contact him when I was ready and that he highly preferred talking to one person only. He was only 30.

I’ve come across such men, too. But that’s too much pressure when a guy is ready to put a ring on it within 6 months. I’m wealthy and always question their true intentions.

I'm not wealthy, a minority, but attractive. I prefer their take over the promiscuity that is instantly a turnoff for me by most guys on old..

Is it just me who can’t understand what you wrote ?

Yes just you. She is not wealthy. She is a minority. She is attractive. She prefers guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly rather than guys that she meets on online dating sites who are looking to sleep around.

[Anonymous]

Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’d recommend making it clear you are dating because you want to be in an exclusive relationship. Also ask for written proof of current std testing and say you aren’t co for table sleeping with someone unless it’s exclusive and old profiles have been taken down. Also don’t sleep with a guy after just a few dates. I tend to date a guy for a least a couple months before sex

The vast majority of guys I’ve dated are fine with this. I’ve only had one guy leave me because of this and in retrospect he was just looking for sex

+1

This PP puts it well. Make it clear that you are dating with the goal of an exclusive relationship, and make it clear up front. This screens out the guys who have no interest in you as a person but who just want to get laid as soon as possible after contacting you through OLD.

Dating a few times, then having to bring up "I want a relationship/exclusivity/STD test results/OLD profile gone" only when he's on date 3 (or whatever) and clearly expecting sex that night or very soon, is a waste of your time and his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

Do men respect this?

NP. I don’t really understand the question. As a man with fairly permissive views on sex, I have no expectation for any woman that she would have either a more casual or a more restrictive take on sex in or out of a relationship in general, or with me in particular. In respecting all women, I say they should make their own choice about what they want irrespective of my feelings on the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

Well one is 6ft1 lean muscular very cute and funny. Intelligent but lacks the ambition I'm looking for. The other is very ambitious cute and a little introverted but he is social and normal very intelligent with a great job.