Dating and exclusivity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

Do men respect this?

NP. I don’t really understand the question. As a man with fairly permissive views on sex, I have no expectation for any woman that she would have either a more casual or a more restrictive take on sex in or out of a relationship in general, or with me in particular. In respecting all women, I say they should make their own choice about what they want irrespective of my feelings on the matter.

That’s evasive as hell. The question was not what the women want and feel. Are you saying you don’t feel like restricting your urges in a relationship or dating regardless how a woman feels ? Do you tell that to your female partners upfront that you will make your decisions irrespectively of her boundaries ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience if a man wants to be exclusive he will let you know.

I'm a man and agree with this. When I am into someone, I don't want her sleeping with other men. I also don't want to sleep with other women when I'm really into someone. However, I would not be asking for exclusivity before having sex. I want to know if there is compatibility there first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is hooking up why is it an issue? If you want a relationship then let him know that so you're exclusive. Say you won't have sex without a relationship.

The issue is that men on OLD have group sex, anal sex with multiple women without protection etc. Heard it from these men’s friends and my dermatologist . Of course it’s okay when some women are also ok with that. Maybe these women love BJs on communal Ds!
But there is something in between hookup and having sex with many people: just stopping this activity to have sex with one person. Then if things don’t work, move on to next person and so on.

This sounds like urban legend hyperbolic hysteria. Yes, it might happen, and maybe this happening if you’re on Feeld or some similar kind of place, but it’s certainly not every guy on OLD who is looking for a relationship. Many of them would argue they can’t get in person dates, much less a gang bang. If they really want that, there are lots of easier places.

Unfortunately, in my experience that is half of physically attractive/handsome men on match, League and eharmony. Yes, in a large urban city. It’s my experience, not rumors . I’m good looking and attract a lot of good looking men. Then it comes up a month into dating or so. I was told about swinger parties, threesomes, men wanted sex while not be available to me over the weekend, I discovered them living with someone already etc.

I think these men can’t find quality/attractive women on Feeld so they spill over to conventional sites. Or many men are married/partnered already and just look for a side chick

I'm a man and was propositioned by a date to go with her to a swingers party. Not my thing so I bailed. This is in NOVA, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience if a man wants to be exclusive he will let you know.

I'm a man and agree with this. When I am into someone, I don't want her sleeping with other men. I also don't want to sleep with other women when I'm really into someone. However, I would not be asking for exclusivity before having sex. I want to know if there is compatibility there first.

I mean do you not communicate your wants and needs before sex anyway? That should be part of the getting to know you process?

[Anonymous]

Sex first. You're 40. You've had sex. It's not like you're some young, immature thing that's going to be psychologically damaged by the act. A partner deserves to know that you have a healthy, ordinary view of sex. It's part of getting along. It's part of a quality relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

Well one is 6ft1 lean muscular very cute and funny. Intelligent but lacks the ambition I'm looking for. The other is very ambitious cute and a little introverted but he is social and normal very intelligent with a great job.

So you're a gold digger. Major turn off, poor guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience if a man wants to be exclusive he will let you know.

I'm a man and agree with this. When I am into someone, I don't want her sleeping with other men. I also don't want to sleep with other women when I'm really into someone. However, I would not be asking for exclusivity before having sex. I want to know if there is compatibility there first.

I mean do you not communicate your wants and needs before sex anyway? That should be part of the getting to know you process?

Not PP, but another man who agrees. I communicate my wants and needs but sex is important to me and if it doesn't click, it doesn't click. Even with effort. I can't know if I am really into someone without the sexual piece. It's part of the whole package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

Well one is 6ft1 lean muscular very cute and funny. Intelligent but lacks the ambition I'm looking for. The other is very ambitious cute and a little introverted but he is social and normal very intelligent with a great job.

So you're a gold digger. Major turn off, poor guy.

Didn't say any were wealthy anywhere in my comment

[Anonymous]

You have to find a guy who is, in principle, against promiscuity for himself.

If you think you’re just sooo amazing that this “quality” guy who is trying to bed you without exclusivity will suddenly drop all his current and potential lovers for you, you will be sorely disappointed. It’s either a part of his character or not. You won’t change how he is through “conversations”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience if a man wants to be exclusive he will let you know.

I'm a man and agree with this. When I am into someone, I don't want her sleeping with other men. I also don't want to sleep with other women when I'm really into someone. However, I would not be asking for exclusivity before having sex. I want to know if there is compatibility there first.

I mean do you not communicate your wants and needs before sex anyway? That should be part of the getting to know you process?

Not PP, but another man who agrees. I communicate my wants and needs but sex is important to me and if it doesn't click, it doesn't click. Even with effort. I can't know if I am really into someone without the sexual piece. It's part of the whole package.

So you would not stop having sex with other people while you figure that out? That’s OP’s question, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

Well one is 6ft1 lean muscular very cute and funny. Intelligent but lacks the ambition I'm looking for. The other is very ambitious cute and a little introverted but he is social and normal very intelligent with a great job.

So you're a gold digger. Major turn off, poor guy.

Didn't say any were wealthy anywhere in my comment

The one you dumped "lacked ambition".
The one you kept had " great job".
Kinda easy to figure out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience if a man wants to be exclusive he will let you know.

I'm a man and agree with this. When I am into someone, I don't want her sleeping with other men. I also don't want to sleep with other women when I'm really into someone. However, I would not be asking for exclusivity before having sex. I want to know if there is compatibility there first.

I mean do you not communicate your wants and needs before sex anyway? That should be part of the getting to know you process?

Not PP, but another man who agrees. I communicate my wants and needs but sex is important to me and if it doesn't click, it doesn't click. Even with effort. I can't know if I am really into someone without the sexual piece. It's part of the whole package.

May I ask if you “tryout” several women at a time, and how you approach this ? Like, one on Monday, another over the weekend ? And how many are usually tried out before you pick the one ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys who are ready to call someone a GF quickly are usually not very attractive or have other issues. A man never jumps into a long term relationship

Well one is 6ft1 lean muscular very cute and funny. Intelligent but lacks the ambition I'm looking for. The other is very ambitious cute and a little introverted but he is social and normal very intelligent with a great job.

So you're a gold digger. Major turn off, poor guy.

Didn't say any were wealthy anywhere in my comment

The one you dumped "lacked ambition".
The one you kept had " great job".
Kinda easy to figure out.

I didn't say I dumped any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex first. You're 40. You've had sex. It's not like you're some young, immature thing that's going to be psychologically damaged by the act. A partner deserves to know that you have a healthy, ordinary view of sex. It's part of getting along. It's part of a quality relationship.

What is hoot definition of ordinary view of sex? Do you expect a woman perform BJ on you befor le std testing and exclusivity talk? Or just have condomed PIV with women ti get a sense of there is chemistry ?

[Anonymous]

Why would i sleep with a guy who is already sleeping with other women? No thanks!

If you can’t stop sleeping with other women while we are getting to know each other (including sexually), you can move RIGHT along.

No one says you can’t part ways after sex or after whatever other notable event in a relationship—ever! Even if you get married, you can always leave! But don’t come into our relationship with a bunch of messy emotions, hormones and possibly STDs. That’s a terrible start pretty much guaranteeing a messy end.