How much effort towards your appearance does your spouse expect?

[Anonymous]

I recently stepped it up. Really stepped it up! Lost 25 lbs, bought sexier, more stylish clothes, lingerie, etc., started wearing makeup and taking excellent care of my skin (I previously never had).

DH didn’t care much. He told me I was always the most beautiful woman he ever saw. If anything he gets annoyed if I delay leaving the house while I put on makeup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked."

Wow. I'm a 50-something woman and I'm floored by this. You're actually encouraging him to leave you for someone else because you can't be bothered to spend 15 minutes on basic grooming and primping a day? I can put on eyebrow pencil, mascara, face lotion with a bit of tint and SPF, and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes to wax and/or tweeze my brows once a week. It takes maybe 10 minutes every other day to dry and style my hair in a basic way.

Some of you should watch old episodes of What Not to Wear to see the examples of outfits that are just as comfortable and easy to put on in the morning as sweatpants.

Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently stepped it up. Really stepped it up! Lost 25 lbs, bought sexier, more stylish clothes, lingerie, etc., started wearing makeup and taking excellent care of my skin (I previously never had).

DH didn’t care much. He told me I was always the most beautiful woman he ever saw. If anything he gets annoyed if I delay leaving the house while I put on makeup.

I’m sure he appreciates the effort. I know I definitely would but it’s wrong to say “I’m so glad you finally look like you care about yourself”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked."

Wow. I'm a 50-something woman and I'm floored by this. You're actually encouraging him to leave you for someone else because you can't be bothered to spend 15 minutes on basic grooming and primping a day? I can put on eyebrow pencil, mascara, face lotion with a bit of tint and SPF, and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes to wax and/or tweeze my brows once a week. It takes maybe 10 minutes every other day to dry and style my hair in a basic way.

Some of you should watch old episodes of What Not to Wear to see the examples of outfits that are just as comfortable and easy to put on in the morning as sweatpants.

Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.

I think where it gets difficult is when people change significantly. Men are often looks oriented so it would be hard if OP spouse expects a girly girl with perfect nails, hair, makeup, and heels and suddenly she gains 30 pounds and lives in sweats and crocs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL

I don't care what my husband thinks. I am who I am and he doesn't get a vote on that.

5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked.

My body is clean. My hair is clean. My clothes are clean and match. My mouth is clean. Well sometimes I do use dirty words.

His appearance ? He needs makeup. LMAO !!

Ha ha. Reminds me of the time before we got married, when I dolled up my boyfriend with make-up. He looked hilarious!!! And also he refused to go out to dinner with make-up.

To this day (more than 20 years later) he remembers that episode.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently stepped it up. Really stepped it up! Lost 25 lbs, bought sexier, more stylish clothes, lingerie, etc., started wearing makeup and taking excellent care of my skin (I previously never had).

DH didn’t care much. He told me I was always the most beautiful woman he ever saw. If anything he gets annoyed if I delay leaving the house while I put on makeup.

Heh my husband also seems to like best when I am in sweatpants and a ponytail. It does make it hard to know what it even means to put in some effort. I feel like mostly I dress for myself (and, honestly, for other women). I am NOT a high maintenance person - mascara is my only makeup - but I do like clothes. And skincare stuff. Can't quite justify any of it by saying it's for my spouse - it's for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked."

Wow. I'm a 50-something woman and I'm floored by this. You're actually encouraging him to leave you for someone else because you can't be bothered to spend 15 minutes on basic grooming and primping a day? I can put on eyebrow pencil, mascara, face lotion with a bit of tint and SPF, and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes to wax and/or tweeze my brows once a week. It takes maybe 10 minutes every other day to dry and style my hair in a basic way.

Some of you should watch old episodes of What Not to Wear to see the examples of outfits that are just as comfortable and easy to put on in the morning as sweatpants.

Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.

I think where it gets difficult is when people change significantly. Men are often looks oriented so it would be hard if OP spouse expects a girly girl with perfect nails, hair, makeup, and heels and suddenly she gains 30 pounds and lives in sweats and crocs.

I'd agree, the 180 is definitely the concern. But pp said "you cant be bothered to spend X hours doing Y thing to keep your husband happy" and that's inappropriate imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ExW letting herself go was one of a number of symptoms of us drifting further and further apart. Atypical of most men, I sought marriage counseling for us; she wasn’t interested. Eventually, I left and later remarried. To my knowledge, she’s never dated since that time. Perhaps she just wanted to be on her own.

If my DH leaves me I’m going to live in a cottage by the edge of the woods doing crafts and cooking and other witch things in perfect bliss with some extra weight tucked into long cotton dresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked."

Wow. I'm a 50-something woman and I'm floored by this. You're actually encouraging him to leave you for someone else because you can't be bothered to spend 15 minutes on basic grooming and primping a day? I can put on eyebrow pencil, mascara, face lotion with a bit of tint and SPF, and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes to wax and/or tweeze my brows once a week. It takes maybe 10 minutes every other day to dry and style my hair in a basic way.

Some of you should watch old episodes of What Not to Wear to see the examples of outfits that are just as comfortable and easy to put on in the morning as sweatpants.

Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.

I think where it gets difficult is when people change significantly. Men are often looks oriented so it would be hard if OP spouse expects a girly girl with perfect nails, hair, makeup, and heels and suddenly she gains 30 pounds and lives in sweats and crocs.

Women are looks-oriented too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"5 plus years ago I quit wearing makeup. He said I liked when you got all fixed up. I just told him if he didn't like my look he could either stop looking at me or find someone else that cared what he liked."

Wow. I'm a 50-something woman and I'm floored by this. You're actually encouraging him to leave you for someone else because you can't be bothered to spend 15 minutes on basic grooming and primping a day? I can put on eyebrow pencil, mascara, face lotion with a bit of tint and SPF, and lipstick in less than 5 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes to wax and/or tweeze my brows once a week. It takes maybe 10 minutes every other day to dry and style my hair in a basic way.

Some of you should watch old episodes of What Not to Wear to see the examples of outfits that are just as comfortable and easy to put on in the morning as sweatpants.

Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.

That PP made me laugh. If you really loved your husband, you would pencil in your eyebrows for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly, when it comes to illness the expectations are different. If spouses are healthy, I think expectations are warranted.

I don’t think this is clear at all. I haven’t seen it play out this way in real life anyway.

Pardon, I should have said to me, clearly, the expectations are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently stepped it up. Really stepped it up! Lost 25 lbs, bought sexier, more stylish clothes, lingerie, etc., started wearing makeup and taking excellent care of my skin (I previously never had).

DH didn’t care much. He told me I was always the most beautiful woman he ever saw. If anything he gets annoyed if I delay leaving the house while I put on makeup.

I’m sure he appreciates the effort. I know I definitely would but it’s wrong to say “I’m so glad you finally look like you care about yourself”

He was always a gentleman about my weight but I know he’s glad I lost it.

The other stuff… he pretty obviously could not care less. He does seem to like if I get a manicure/pedicure for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

"Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style."

I'm the person who wrote that and I've got the thickest hair of anyone I know in DC, and it falls below my shoulders. Get a good cut and style that doesn't take forever to do every other day. Learn how to use dry shampoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH doesn’t care but I care. I’ve lost weight recently and I feel so much better and am more confident. I have to do a lot of public speaking and leading meetings for my job so being comfortable with myself makes a difference. OP do what you want but make sure you aren’t going to be uncomfortable or unhealthy.

How did you lose the weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style.
If you want to live like this, totally fine! But please don't disparage women who feel differently.Not all women want to spend time doing eyebrow pencils and lipstick. And my long thick hair takes way longer than 10 minutes to dry and style."

I'm the person who wrote that and I've got the thickest hair of anyone I know in DC, and it falls below my shoulders. Get a good cut and style that doesn't take forever to do every other day. Learn how to use dry shampoo.

Cool. Not all of us have the same hair. No way my thick hair dries AND looks nice in 10 minutes.