I Miss Being In Love

[Anonymous]

Op, I think you’re me. And possibly every married woman I know.

I very much identify with your feelings of hopelessness. Wanting to scream because I don’t want to just go through the motions of life. I actually insisted on therapy because I just couldn’t imagine doing this for 30 years. I felt trapped and the things that would go through my head as I thought about how to get out scared me.

We are in therapy so I’m grateful that he is willing to try. But I’ve also come to realize how different we are as people. I want to grow and I think he’s most comfortable with structure and routine.

Therapy has only underscored how differently we want to live life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.

Op here - Why do you find date nights, foreplay, and trying new things so hard? I’m sincerely baffled. Please explain. I’m desperate to understand DH and men like him better.

In my case stress took over my life. I have a well paid but very demanding and stressful position. And when stressed I tend to withdraw from everyone around me. It went on for years and I only went for therapy when I became severely depressed. By that time it was too late my wife long checked out from the marriage but when I was in my 30s I was more outgoing and sexual. Once I hit 40 I was hit by both stress and low libido. Men don’t do well with stress. We tend to withdraw from those around us. We refuse help until it’s too late. Our wives as result become frustrated and feel less loved.

When it comes to sex what does your husband like? Is he a boobs guy, a butt guy? Knowing his preferences look for sexy outfits that will enhance those features of you that he likes and that may be the trick. Men are very visual. I am a butt guy, sometimes just seeing seeing my wife in yoga pants without underwear on does the trick lol.

OP here — attracting his interest isn’t the problem. He’s always grabbing my butt (his idea of foreplay) and we have sex regularly. It’s just very selfish, unfulfilling sex entirely on his terms. He’s indifferent to sexy outfits, lingerie, sexting, toys, anything extra and gets anxious when I try to spice things up.

You are definitely not the issue. He is. And I usually forcefully defend on this forum because I feel like women don’t always understand us. I think he should see a sex therapist. If he agrees to it, you will be a happy wife again. Sex therapy is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.

Op here - Why do you find date nights, foreplay, and trying new things so hard? I’m sincerely baffled. Please explain. I’m desperate to understand DH and men like him better.

In my case stress took over my life. I have a well paid but very demanding and stressful position. And when stressed I tend to withdraw from everyone around me. It went on for years and I only went for therapy when I became severely depressed. By that time it was too late my wife long checked out from the marriage but when I was in my 30s I was more outgoing and sexual. Once I hit 40 I was hit by both stress and low libido. Men don’t do well with stress. We tend to withdraw from those around us. We refuse help until it’s too late. Our wives as result become frustrated and feel less loved.

When it comes to sex what does your husband like? Is he a boobs guy, a butt guy? Knowing his preferences look for sexy outfits that will enhance those features of you that he likes and that may be the trick. Men are very visual. I am a butt guy, sometimes just seeing seeing my wife in yoga pants without underwear on does the trick lol.

OP here — attracting his interest isn’t the problem. He’s always grabbing my butt (his idea of foreplay) and we have sex regularly. It’s just very selfish, unfulfilling sex entirely on his terms. He’s indifferent to sexy outfits, lingerie, sexting, toys, anything extra and gets anxious when I try to spice things up.

You are definitely not the issue. He is. And I usually forcefully defend on this forum because I feel like women don’t always understand us. I think he should see a sex therapist. If he agrees to it, you will be a happy wife again. Sex therapy is good.

OP here — Honestly, if we could get the sex on track, that would go a long way. As a man, how would you want to be asked to go to sex therapy? He gets very defensive about any therapy suggestion. The two times we went to marital counseling, he was on defense and went purely to mollify me. He wasn’t open to any learning at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.

Op here - Why do you find date nights, foreplay, and trying new things so hard? I’m sincerely baffled. Please explain. I’m desperate to understand DH and men like him better.

In my case stress took over my life. I have a well paid but very demanding and stressful position. And when stressed I tend to withdraw from everyone around me. It went on for years and I only went for therapy when I became severely depressed. By that time it was too late my wife long checked out from the marriage but when I was in my 30s I was more outgoing and sexual. Once I hit 40 I was hit by both stress and low libido. Men don’t do well with stress. We tend to withdraw from those around us. We refuse help until it’s too late. Our wives as result become frustrated and feel less loved.

When it comes to sex what does your husband like? Is he a boobs guy, a butt guy? Knowing his preferences look for sexy outfits that will enhance those features of you that he likes and that may be the trick. Men are very visual. I am a butt guy, sometimes just seeing seeing my wife in yoga pants without underwear on does the trick lol.

OP here — attracting his interest isn’t the problem. He’s always grabbing my butt (his idea of foreplay) and we have sex regularly. It’s just very selfish, unfulfilling sex entirely on his terms. He’s indifferent to sexy outfits, lingerie, sexting, toys, anything extra and gets anxious when I try to spice things up.

You are definitely not the issue. He is. And I usually forcefully defend on this forum because I feel like women don’t always understand us. I think he should see a sex therapist. If he agrees to it, you will be a happy wife again. Sex therapy is good.

OP here — Honestly, if we could get the sex on track, that would go a long way. As a man, how would you want to be asked to go to sex therapy? He gets very defensive about any therapy suggestion. The two times we went to marital counseling, he was on defense and went purely to mollify me. He wasn’t open to any learning at all.

Getting men to agree to any therapy let alone sex therapy is hard. So in this case that may prove a fruitless to try. He may end up resenting you. I exercise regularly. Whenever I do squats and deadlifts I get very very horny when I get home. Is it possible that being overweight is having an impact on his testosterone level? Have you asked him to join to the gym sometimes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.

Op here - Why do you find date nights, foreplay, and trying new things so hard? I’m sincerely baffled. Please explain. I’m desperate to understand DH and men like him better.

In my case stress took over my life. I have a well paid but very demanding and stressful position. And when stressed I tend to withdraw from everyone around me. It went on for years and I only went for therapy when I became severely depressed. By that time it was too late my wife long checked out from the marriage but when I was in my 30s I was more outgoing and sexual. Once I hit 40 I was hit by both stress and low libido. Men don’t do well with stress. We tend to withdraw from those around us. We refuse help until it’s too late. Our wives as result become frustrated and feel less loved.

When it comes to sex what does your husband like? Is he a boobs guy, a butt guy? Knowing his preferences look for sexy outfits that will enhance those features of you that he likes and that may be the trick. Men are very visual. I am a butt guy, sometimes just seeing seeing my wife in yoga pants without underwear on does the trick lol.

OP here — attracting his interest isn’t the problem. He’s always grabbing my butt (his idea of foreplay) and we have sex regularly. It’s just very selfish, unfulfilling sex entirely on his terms. He’s indifferent to sexy outfits, lingerie, sexting, toys, anything extra and gets anxious when I try to spice things up.

You are definitely not the issue. He is. And I usually forcefully defend on this forum because I feel like women don’t always understand us. I think he should see a sex therapist. If he agrees to it, you will be a happy wife again. Sex therapy is good.

OP here — Honestly, if we could get the sex on track, that would go a long way. As a man, how would you want to be asked to go to sex therapy? He gets very defensive about any therapy suggestion. The two times we went to marital counseling, he was on defense and went purely to mollify me. He wasn’t open to any learning at all.

The guys who are open to sex therapy are already GGG.

[Anonymous]

Do you think you could get him to read this article? https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/04/marriage-problems-fight-dishes/629526/

(You can google “divorced over dishes” if you don’t subscribe. It’s been reposted a lot.)

The overall message is that people don’t see why leaving dishes around is a big deal, and maybe it’s not, but the refusal to listen, to make easy adjustments, to respect what your partner is saying matters A LOT.

[Anonymous]

OP’s husband could be intimidated by his wife’s sexual openness and does not know how to go about it.

OP, does he give you oral? We men love it when our women get turn on when we give them head. It could be an easy new thing for him to try if he is not doing it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s husband could be intimidated by his wife’s sexual openness and does not know how to go about it.

OP, does he give you oral? We men love it when our women get turn on when we give them head. It could be an easy new thing for him to try if he is not doing it already.

Any man in 2024 old enough to be married 12 years who has not tried oral…yikes

[Anonymous]

^^PP and good sex will positively impact other aspects of your marriage. He will start enjoying more time with you, trying new things etc

And also hiking is a really really good activity for couples to do together. But he must be willing to meet you half way though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s husband could be intimidated by his wife’s sexual openness and does not know how to go about it.

OP, does he give you oral? We men love it when our women get turn on when we give them head. It could be an easy new thing for him to try if he is not doing it already.

Op — He says going down on me makes his jaw sore. I kid you not. There were years when we had little sex and he seemed fine masturbating. Ugh, who am I kidding? The sex is hopeless.

[Anonymous]

Of all the posts recently posted by woman this one is the best. Many of us who complain about our wives or who feel under appreciated are not talking about wives like you. You are asking for the simplest things and yet this guy is not stepping up. I hope he gets better. Divorce sucks. Keep trying, don’t listen to the women who will telll you to divorce him asap. But don’t try forever either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s husband could be intimidated by his wife’s sexual openness and does not know how to go about it.

OP, does he give you oral? We men love it when our women get turn on when we give them head. It could be an easy new thing for him to try if he is not doing it already.

Any man in 2024 old enough to be married 12 years who has not tried oral…yikes

Op — I could count on both hands and have fingers left how many times he’s gone down on me. No kidding. He’s terrible at it and seems so put out that it’s honestly better he not go down. I used to go down on him every time because I actually enjoy it. That only changed last year when I decided someone this selfish in bed doesn’t deserve my effort, frankly. He seems Ok with that, so….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s husband could be intimidated by his wife’s sexual openness and does not know how to go about it.

OP, does he give you oral? We men love it when our women get turn on when we give them head. It could be an easy new thing for him to try if he is not doing it already.

Op — He says going down on me makes his jaw sore. I kid you not. There were years when we had little sex and he seemed fine masturbating. Ugh, who am I kidding? The sex is hopeless.

Does he expect oral?

[Anonymous]

I get it...I'm currently overseas with my family. Getting ready to take the kids on an adventure while my husband sits on his phone because he's under the weather. He admitted this trip that he simply isn't a traveler (at least anywhere with a language barrier) while I am the type to jump into learning the language and "go native". He would be happy never to travel again. Not a reason to break up a family of course. But a lot of husband's are boring and it's just as bad as a wife being fat.

[Anonymous]

Simple solution. Next time he asks for sex deny him. Keep denying him until he realizes that something is not right. At that point explain to him how unhappy you are and how you feel under appreciated and not loved enough. When a woman tells her man that he is not showing enough love it affects him deeply. We will push back on many things, but a sad wife telling us that we are not showing her enough love somehow affect us and get us to listen.