Reply to I Miss Being In Love

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a divorced dad currently in therapy. I have learned so much about what women really want and I will be honest I don’t think o will ever be in a relationship again. Women think that what they want from us is simple, but the reality is that it’s not so simple. Keeping a woman happy is hard, really hard. I tip my hat off to men who are doing it.[/quote]
Op here - Why do you find date nights, foreplay, and trying new things so hard? I’m sincerely baffled. Please explain. I’m desperate to understand DH and men like him better.[/quote]

In my case stress took over my life. I have a well paid but very demanding and stressful position. And when stressed I tend to withdraw from everyone around me. It went on for years and I only went for therapy when I became severely depressed. By that time it was too late my wife long checked out from the marriage but when I was in my 30s I was more outgoing and sexual. Once I hit 40 I was hit by both stress and low libido. Men don’t do well with stress. We tend to withdraw from those around us. We refuse help until it’s too late. Our wives as result become frustrated and feel less loved.

When it comes to sex what does your husband like? Is he a boobs guy, a butt guy? Knowing his preferences look for sexy outfits that will enhance those features of you that he likes and that may be the trick. Men are very visual. I am a butt guy, sometimes just seeing seeing my wife in yoga pants without underwear on does the trick lol. [/quote]
OP here — attracting his interest isn’t the problem. He’s always grabbing my butt (his idea of foreplay) and we have sex regularly. It’s just very selfish, unfulfilling sex entirely on his terms. He’s indifferent to sexy outfits, lingerie, sexting, toys, anything extra and gets anxious when I try to spice things up. [/quote]

You are definitely not the issue. He is. And I usually forcefully defend on this forum because I feel like women don’t always understand us. I think he should see a sex therapist. If he agrees to it, you will be a happy wife again. Sex therapy is good.[/quote]
OP here — Honestly, if we could get the sex on track, that would go a long way. As a man, how would you want to be asked to go to sex therapy? He gets very defensive about any therapy suggestion. The two times we went to marital counseling, he was on defense and went purely to mollify me. He wasn’t open to any learning at all.[/quote]

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