selling family home, kids are guilting us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

[Anonymous]

They're not going to want to clean out that giant house when you die. You are doing right by them by downsizing. I really wish my in laws had done this instead of leaving literal rooms full of boxes and knick knacks. They will understand when they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

OP's kids will be out of college. They won't have a two week long winter break and long summer break to deal with. OP is timing this perfectly. You are far too invested in your child's best friend's life, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I won't lie... I occasionally drive past each of my (divorced) parents former homes and feel nostalgic. So many memories wrapped up in those houses. But your kids will get over it. You will have so much less stress by downsizing. Don't feel guilty. It's ok for everyone to acknowledge that it's sad saying goodbye to a home.

I drive past my childhood home, which is about an hour away, every few years or so. I have such fond memories of growing up there. I have the house saved to my favorites list on Redfin to track if it goes on the market. I doubt I would buy it, but I would certainly schedule a tour to see the inside one last time, and I would love it if my dad is still alive to tour it with me. About ten years ago, during a driveby, I took a picture of the house and street sign and have them framed and hanging in my foyer. I also have a painting of my grandparent's house framed and hanging in my living room.

So, as you can see, I am highly sentimental and nostalgic!

However, op's kids need to get over it. Encourage them to do memory lane drivebys, take pictures, etc. Memories are a wonderful thing, but life goes on, and their well-done upbringing is complete. The parents don't owe them a burdensome house to hold on to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you acknowledged that this will be painful for them? Kids want to be able to come home, and to many people that means the house they grew up in. It might help to acknowledge that this might kind of suck for them. But explain that you are getting older and the house is too much for you. And make sure they know that the new place will still be their home.

If it makes you feel better, I know lots of families who moved - whose kids were at various stages and were upset - and the kids /adults always adjust.

This. How much smaller is the new house? Can they still sleep over when they visit? Or would it be a studio or a 1 bedroom, with basically no place for them at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oldest in last year of college, youngest in military. We have decided to down size, be mortgage free, and move to another area about an hour away from current location. My kids are very upset bc this is house they grew up in but honestly I feel its the best we can do for ourselves. House we currently have is huge, huge yard, huge pool, huge maintenance, medium payment. No one has used the pool now that my youngest is gone. I can't see them moving back home. I just hate the guilt.

Tell them to get over it and do what you want.

The nerve of them. The ungrateful shits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Empathy is dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Empathy is dead?

When t comes to whiny 21+ year olds, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Empathy is dead?

When t comes to whiny 21+ year olds, absolutely.

Really? That seems the age when you truly want to help them lock down thar ability if you haven’t yet.

It’s possible to keep with the plan and listen to their 21 year old selves work through these emotions. Seems basic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Empathy is dead?

When t comes to whiny 21+ year olds, absolutely.

Really? That seems the age when you truly want to help them lock down thar ability if you haven’t yet.

It’s possible to keep with the plan and listen to their 21 year old selves work through these emotions. Seems basic.

Oh my god, stop babying your adult children. Wow. Just Wow.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this when I was in college. It’s totally fine now (I’m in my 30s with my own house and kids) but it sucked until I was 25 or so. Your early 20s can be tough, it would have been nice to come home to a familiar place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Yeah...it's obvious you're the youngest. "The house they built for me"--like the rest of the family doesn't matter. All about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

For the moment, perhaps you should put your emotions on the backburner and acknowledge theirs. This is hard for a lot of folks. DC's college BFF now going through this - understands why parents needed to downsize from a very HCOL city to a less expensive town about an hour away. But it still hurts - she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one.

My parents moved halfway across the country when I was in college studying abroad. I didn't get to say bye to the house they built for me (I was the youngest, they needed more space). I got over it pretty darn quickly. I visited my childhood hometown occasionally and stayed with friends until eventually I lost touch with most people and those I didn't lose touch with ended up spread out all over the country. OP's kids won't even be in college anymore when their parents move - they won't be coming home and staying home for long periods of time anymore now that they are adults.

You sound like the person who lives her life vicariously through her children. Get a life, you are going to need one now that your children are grown.

Did they leave a forwarding address ?

[Anonymous]

she comes home from college and knows no one, absolutely no one

My parents sold as I was graduating HS. It jump-started my adult life. Not a bad thing. Where did I want to live, summers and after college graduation? Time to get a little more serious about my life and where it was going. Not what they could provide me.