selling family home, kids are guilting us

[Anonymous]

oldest in last year of college, youngest in military. We have decided to down size, be mortgage free, and move to another area about an hour away from current location. My kids are very upset bc this is house they grew up in but honestly I feel its the best we can do for ourselves. House we currently have is huge, huge yard, huge pool, huge maintenance, medium payment. No one has used the pool now that my youngest is gone. I can't see them moving back home. I just hate the guilt.

[Anonymous]

Tell them to cut it out. They've made their opinion vocal, you've heard them, you're doing this for financial reasons and if they are that upset they can present you with an offer. Otherwise they need to grow up and deal with it. People downsize. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them to cut it out. They've made their opinion vocal, you've heard them, you're doing this for financial reasons and if they are that upset they can present you with an offer. Otherwise they need to grow up and deal with it. People downsize. That's life.

I have told them this. I just wish I did not feel so bad about it. Neighbors are helping, everyone is guilty us. Its crazy.

[Anonymous]

Unless one of them can take over mortgage, not much can be done.

[Anonymous]

or all big ongoing expenses like property tax, insurance, repairs etc if its paid off.

[Anonymous]

Can't at all feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or all big ongoing expenses like property tax, insurance, repairs etc if its paid off.

and the fact that we are getting older and tired of maintaining this home. It is a lot of work. It is very close to the ocean and hard to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't at all feel sorry for you.

not looking for petty

[Anonymous]

Have you acknowledged that this will be painful for them? Kids want to be able to come home, and to many people that means the house they grew up in. It might help to acknowledge that this might kind of suck for them. But explain that you are getting older and the house is too much for you. And make sure they know that the new place will still be their home.

If it makes you feel better, I know lots of families who moved - whose kids were at various stages and were upset - and the kids /adults always adjust.

[Anonymous]

OP, lots of angles to this. First, this gives you the opportunity to emphasize: they are adults now. Adults having relationships with other adults. Adults do not guilt others, to get their way. No one should but adults are held to a higher expectation. They can be sad, and have all kinds of sentimental feelings, sure. There is a limit, though, on expresses them. No one has to tolerate rude (if it gets to that) You also have a similar obligation to not talk on-and-on about how great this change is how excited you are. Just don't talk about it tooo much. You know it's a decision that hurts them, that's ok. Just be sensitive to that.

[Anonymous]

They'll be glad when they don't have to downsize you themselves like their friends are forced to.

[Anonymous]

I want to do this so bad but my DD with profound autism needs to stay here.

[Anonymous]

This happened to us about ten years ago with one of our kids who was 25 or so almost weeping. I’m convinced she was hoping we’d give it to her someday because it was a perfect family home. But we wanted to downsize in the same town and so we did and she got over it. Now she has her own perfect family home much nicer than the one we had. Don’t let the guilt get to you. They get over it.

[Anonymous]

Op here. No I have not talked to them about how it makes me or them feel. Thank you for that input. I will sit down with them and talk about our feelings as well as theirs. I am also sad to sell. So many amazing memories here and longest I have ever lived any where but we are excited for the next chapter and of course our next home will be their home too. No matter where I live, my kids are welcomed with open doors

[Anonymous]

Just sit them down and honestly explain your financial, health, retirement and aging issues. They'll still be sad but understand. Both my parents and husbands parents made the mistake of not downsizing and had to become dependent on their children and homes somehow went to the kids who paid zero dollars for care of parents. They could've downsized, not become dependent on anyone and actually benefited from their homes.