People treating my “big” 8-year-old as much older than she is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

I use to be an educator and saw that first hand. Especially with Black & Latina girls who were physically developed. It was disheartening.

DD is white and so it’s not as emphasized as it would be for a taller, more developed Black or Brown child.

As far as expectations, I think many adults expect her to have the maturity and interest of a preteen. If she and her friends are running around or being too loud adults tend to correct her faster (even one’s who know her age). She gets a lot of, “you know better!” for pretty age appropriate and mild childhood misbehaviors (like talking out of turn).

Granted she is an extreme rule follower. She’s very sensitive to criticism and is a major people pleaser.

With strangers it’s just the assumption she’s older. At the park if she’s playing with 6-8 year olds their parents will ask her age. If we go to a clothing store the clerks tend to point her to a clothing, shoe area geared towards preteens not kids.

The biggest issue is my mother. It’s apparent she expects DD to act more mature than my brothers daughter who is only two months younger (petite, thin girl). Her standards for her are higher and she’ll get onto her for essentially being a child. It gets frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now 11 year old was showing signs of puberty at 8 years old. The doctor said that we didn’t want her to look much older than her peers because she would be treated differently in a negative way.

Three years later she’s growing normally and will remove the hormone blockers soon. She’s now 5’3” and about 105-110 lbs.

I really disagree with this. Not wanting a kid to “look different” is a terrible reason to interfere with their natural development. And it’s only the girls that people worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

I use to be an educator and saw that first hand. Especially with Black & Latina girls who were physically developed. It was disheartening.

DD is white and so it’s not as emphasized as it would be for a taller, more developed Black or Brown child.

As far as expectations, I think many adults expect her to have the maturity and interest of a preteen. If she and her friends are running around or being too loud adults tend to correct her faster (even one’s who know her age). She gets a lot of, “you know better!” for pretty age appropriate and mild childhood misbehaviors (like talking out of turn).

Granted she is an extreme rule follower. She’s very sensitive to criticism and is a major people pleaser.

With strangers it’s just the assumption she’s older. At the park if she’s playing with 6-8 year olds their parents will ask her age. If we go to a clothing store the clerks tend to point her to a clothing, shoe area geared towards preteens not kids.

The biggest issue is my mother. It’s apparent she expects DD to act more mature than my brothers daughter who is only two months younger (petite, thin girl). Her standards for her are higher and she’ll get onto her for essentially being a child. It gets frustrating.

OP,
I think you have lost sight of the bigger issue. Your child is clinically obese. Forget her looking older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned that she is obese. 4’8” and 100 lbs puts her BMI in the 97th percentile for kids her same age, gender and height.

Look at this person revealing their ignorance!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

I use to be an educator and saw that first hand. Especially with Black & Latina girls who were physically developed. It was disheartening.

DD is white and so it’s not as emphasized as it would be for a taller, more developed Black or Brown child.

As far as expectations, I think many adults expect her to have the maturity and interest of a preteen. If she and her friends are running around or being too loud adults tend to correct her faster (even one’s who know her age). She gets a lot of, “you know better!” for pretty age appropriate and mild childhood misbehaviors (like talking out of turn).

Granted she is an extreme rule follower. She’s very sensitive to criticism and is a major people pleaser.

With strangers it’s just the assumption she’s older. At the park if she’s playing with 6-8 year olds their parents will ask her age. If we go to a clothing store the clerks tend to point her to a clothing, shoe area geared towards preteens not kids.

The biggest issue is my mother. It’s apparent she expects DD to act more mature than my brothers daughter who is only two months younger (petite, thin girl). Her standards for her are higher and she’ll get onto her for essentially being a child. It gets frustrating.

OP,
I think you have lost sight of the bigger issue. Your child is clinically obese. Forget her looking older.

Have you examined the child? What credentials do you have that supersede her pediatrician?

Please answer.

[Anonymous]

Is 4’8 considered tall? My ds is 4’11 at 8 and he’s tall but not extraordinary and the girls overall seem to be taller than or equal to boys at this age.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you tell your mother directly that she is doing this to your DD? Be direct, give examples and address it in the moment every time until grandma gets it together.

Ignore the obesity police. You clearly have a doctor who has evaluated your DD and none of these DCUM medical opinions matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is 4’8 considered tall? My ds is 4’11 at 8 and he’s tall but not extraordinary and the girls overall seem to be taller than or equal to boys at this age.

You do not have an 8 year old, or you don’t know his height. 99th percentile at 8.5 years is 54.5” and 59” is way off the charts. And for girls, 99th is 54.8”. If your child was really 4’11” you’d be at an endocrinologist and would know these things.

[Anonymous]

Look, those stats are obese on the BMI scale, yes. But a good pediatrician will account for genetics and stability on their growth curve. Many girls put on weight before their puberty growth spurt, and that’s likely what OP’s daughter is doing. If OP’a pediatrician isn’t concerned, then it’s off topic and poor taste to keep harping on it.

OP can’t control how the world sees her daughter, but she can be a good advocate for her and an active parent in building her self esteem. 8 is still young enough where OP can help guide her friendships, so she should work on making connections with the kids and parents that get it, and help her find sports or activities where her size is an asset and she’s around other tall girls her age.

[Anonymous]

Most 8 year olds are still stick skinny. OP’s daughter probably weighs almost double her classmates and is a head taller than them.

Every grade seems to have a girl or boy who is super tall with a super tall father. My son had a girl in his 5th grade class who was 5’9”. She towered over the teacher and was taller than most moms. She was very pretty and seemed very comfortable in her skin. She had a 6’8” father and her mom was like 5’10”. Would not be surprised at all if she hit 6’ one day. My other son had a very awkward looking tall girl. I hate to call a girl ugly but she was not attractive at all and stood out in a very bad way. An extremely tall boy in every class also common. Someone has to be the tallest.

[Anonymous]

My other son had a friend who was 6’ in 6th grade. I remember his dad came to pick him up from my house and he must have been almost 7’ tall. I think he is the tallest person I have ever met, not including seeing athletes at an athletic event. The sister is 6’2” in high school. Both kids super athletic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

I use to be an educator and saw that first hand. Especially with Black & Latina girls who were physically developed. It was disheartening.

DD is white and so it’s not as emphasized as it would be for a taller, more developed Black or Brown child.

As far as expectations, I think many adults expect her to have the maturity and interest of a preteen. If she and her friends are running around or being too loud adults tend to correct her faster (even one’s who know her age). She gets a lot of, “you know better!” for pretty age appropriate and mild childhood misbehaviors (like talking out of turn).

Granted she is an extreme rule follower. She’s very sensitive to criticism and is a major people pleaser.

With strangers it’s just the assumption she’s older. At the park if she’s playing with 6-8 year olds their parents will ask her age. If we go to a clothing store the clerks tend to point her to a clothing, shoe area geared towards preteens not kids.

The biggest issue is my mother. It’s apparent she expects DD to act more mature than my brothers daughter who is only two months younger (petite, thin girl). Her standards for her are higher and she’ll get onto her for essentially being a child. It gets frustrating.

OP,
I think you have lost sight of the bigger issue. Your child is clinically obese. Forget her looking older.

Have you examined the child? What credentials do you have that supersede her pediatrician?

Please answer.

Plug her numbers into the children’s BMI calculator. She is in these obese category by significant amount. BMI over >85th percentile is considered obese and she is at 97th percentile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is 4’8 considered tall? My ds is 4’11 at 8 and he’s tall but not extraordinary and the girls overall seem to be taller than or equal to boys at this age.

You do not have an 8 year old, or you don’t know his height. 99th percentile at 8.5 years is 54.5” and 59” is way off the charts. And for girls, 99th is 54.8”. If your child was really 4’11” you’d be at an endocrinologist and would know these things.

DP here. My not even that tall 6yo daughter is about 4ft tall. Most kids are around her height and then there is a girl who is much taller and also looks older, which is what OP’s daughter is like as well. Your daughter probably looks around 10. I have a friend whose 6yo looks like he is 3-4. Who are these people who treat her differently? Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has two big parents. She will also be big. This should not be surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

I use to be an educator and saw that first hand. Especially with Black & Latina girls who were physically developed. It was disheartening.

DD is white and so it’s not as emphasized as it would be for a taller, more developed Black or Brown child.

As far as expectations, I think many adults expect her to have the maturity and interest of a preteen. If she and her friends are running around or being too loud adults tend to correct her faster (even one’s who know her age). She gets a lot of, “you know better!” for pretty age appropriate and mild childhood misbehaviors (like talking out of turn).

Granted she is an extreme rule follower. She’s very sensitive to criticism and is a major people pleaser.

With strangers it’s just the assumption she’s older. At the park if she’s playing with 6-8 year olds their parents will ask her age. If we go to a clothing store the clerks tend to point her to a clothing, shoe area geared towards preteens not kids.

The biggest issue is my mother. It’s apparent she expects DD to act more mature than my brothers daughter who is only two months younger (petite, thin girl). Her standards for her are higher and she’ll get onto her for essentially being a child. It gets frustrating.

OP,
I think you have lost sight of the bigger issue. Your child is clinically obese. Forget her looking older.

Have you examined the child? What credentials do you have that supersede her pediatrician?

Please answer.

Plug her numbers into the children’s BMI calculator. She is in these obese category by significant amount. BMI over >85th percentile is considered obese and she is at 97th percentile

If ignorance is bliss PP, you must be very happy. Instead of trying to diagnose someone you’ve never actually met or even seen over the internet, and attempting to second guess her actual pediatrician, perhaps you could put your skills to work researching the very well known drawbacks of using BMI as anything but a screening tool. Obesity is about fat. BMI doesn’t take into account different body types such as frame size and weight or muscles vs fat. Maybe you could plug in a donut or something instead of spreading your obsessions.

I apologize for the derail, but PP’s persistent comments need to be checked.