People treating my “big” 8-year-old as much older than she is

[Anonymous]

DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

I'm sorry, OP. A friend had a similar problem with her son. He legitimately had the size of a 5 or 6 year old at age 2. People judged behavior based on his size. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

I do your best to dress her and do her hair in ways that reflect her age. Try to avoid having her dress like a tween.

[Anonymous]

It'll even out. It sounds like she may hit puberty super early, but then in middle school many of her friends will catch up.

If someone seems to not realize her age, it's ok to say "Oh this is Larla, she's 8 and in 3rd grade." or whatever.

There's nothing you can do, so it's better to just head it off. And remind yourself that she's young too. No one was ever harmed by being allowed to be little a bit longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

I'm sorry, OP. A friend had a similar problem with her son. He legitimately had the size of a 5 or 6 year old at age 2. People judged behavior based on his size. It sucks.

My DD was like this, i had to preempt every interaction with "she is only 3"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do your best to dress her and do her hair in ways that reflect her age. Try to avoid having her dress like a tween.

She mostly wears colorful leggings and HA twirl dresses. Typical kid haircut, but people still assume she’s older. She’s about to size out of a lot of kids brands.

[Anonymous]

Cousin was over 6 foot in 3rd grade. Other kids weren’t bad, but some adults made for some tough moments. Worst was when showed age appropriate emotions, b/c some adults held judged him by 12-3 year old standards b/c of his height. Definitely make time for safe spaces at your home for your DC to be their age and as goofy or whatever they want to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousin was over 6 foot in 3rd grade. Other kids weren’t bad, but some adults made for some tough moments. Worst was when showed age appropriate emotions, b/c some adults held judged him by 12-13 year old standards b/c of his height. Definitely make time for safe spaces at your home for your DC to be their age and as goofy or whatever they want to me.

Treated as a *12-13 year old

[Anonymous]

I hear you. My 5’4 tall 11 year old in her school uniform was mistaken for a target employee last week. 🙄

[Anonymous]

We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for anyone who is outside the norm, because it's awful. When I was 11, I looked like a 20-year-old, and even got hit on by college boys. I'd take that previous advice and pre-empt it by saying, "She's 8" or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I would be more concerned that she is obese. 4’8” and 100 lbs puts her BMI in the 97th percentile for kids her same age, gender and height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

There's always a few like this in every school. I think everyone can remember back to middle school and high school where a few of the kids looked forever 30. You're not alone. Maybe ask your ped for resources for dealing with the social aspect.

[Anonymous]

My 7.5 year old is 4'6" and 75 pounds, so likely will be your DD's height next year, though slimmer (which makes her body look tall, but still clearly child like). She loves to tell people "I'm 7, but as big as a 9 year old!" I've found myself doing the same (i.e., "she's only 7, but is really tall for her age"), which really helps preempt the assumptions from other adults. That said, she has a friend that is a year older and sounds similar to your daughter, possibly even taller, and even I find myself having to check myself and talk to her like the 8 year old she is. It's really hard, particularly if she's a bit heavier and showing early puberty signs and looks older. I would make sure to reinforce and remind in context that she's only 8 ("oh sorry she interrupted, we're working on it but you know how 8 year olds are!") and definitely speak up if teachers and coaches/activity leaders that hold her to inappropriate standards. It may be a good few years before other kids start catching up to her in terms of physical development, so please do pay attention to her self image and make sure she doesn't fall into negative thinking. We talk a lot about how awesome it is to be big and strong, and how much I love her long legs and strong body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. My 5’4 tall 11 year old in her school uniform was mistaken for a target employee last week. 🙄

Never wear a red shirt to Target