People treating my “big” 8-year-old as much older than she is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

My daughter was about 4’8” in 3rd grade and she wasn’t the only one. She didn’t reach 100 lbs until she was past 5’ tall. She was in the tall end of normal. If she was over 5’ at 8 years old I would get it .

She's 3" taller and 40 lbs heavier than my 5th grade girl. That's a lot of weight and I think a bigger delta than her height.

Read it carefully. The 100 lbs is when she grew over 5’. Your daughter is on the other side of the chart.

OP's daughter is 4'8" and over 100lbs. You need to go reread the OP. I wasn't talking about your daughter.

I maintain that the OP's daughter's weight is a bigger issue than her height. And that's something that can be influenced with more activity and a healthy diet.

Interesting assumption to read into "around 100 pounds," but sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8.5 and in 3rd grade. She has always been off the charts in height and 95+ percentile for weight since in the womb.

I’m average size (5’6” & 145 pounds) and her father was a very big man (6’6” and usually around 285-300 pounds). His entire family is the same. Big and tall.

DD is 4’8” already and around 100 pounds. Doctor is not concerned about either as she’s been consistently on the same curve and she’s not overweight.

She eats healthy and plays sports. She doesn’t have an athletic build but excels in the sports she’s interested in (swimming and softball).

She also looks much older despite her personality and interests being like your average 3rd grader. She’s starting to have some signs of puberty but nothing concerning yearly. People often guess she’s 10 or 11 and I’ve noticed if she’s in a group or her peers other adults and even kids often have expectations of her beyond the rest of her classmates. Like they just assume she’s more mature because she looks physically mature.

It’s pretty frustrating and I feel like she’s not allowed to be a little girl. She just wants to play horses and Barbies.

My daughter was about 4’8” in 3rd grade and she wasn’t the only one. She didn’t reach 100 lbs until she was past 5’ tall. She was in the tall end of normal. If she was over 5’ at 8 years old I would get it .

She's 3" taller and 40 lbs heavier than my 5th grade girl. That's a lot of weight and I think a bigger delta than her height.

Read it carefully. The 100 lbs is when she grew over 5’. Your daughter is on the other side of the chart.

OP's daughter is 4'8" and over 100lbs. You need to go reread the OP. I wasn't talking about your daughter.

I maintain that the OP's daughter's weight is a bigger issue than her height. And that's something that can be influenced with more activity and a healthy diet.

Interesting assumption to read into "around 100 pounds," but sure.

Close enough. It's a message board not a sworn statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now 11 year old was showing signs of puberty at 8 years old. The doctor said that we didn’t want her to look much older than her peers because she would be treated differently in a negative way.

Three years later she’s growing normally and will remove the hormone blockers soon. She’s now 5’3” and about 105-110 lbs.

I really disagree with this. Not wanting a kid to “look different” is a terrible reason to interfere with their natural development. And it’s only the girls that people worry about.

The doctor didn’t say anything about looking different. It was about being fully developed with a C cup bra and hips in the 3rd grade while managing a period. People would not treat her like a child but she would still act like an child and it would affect her mental health. It’s called Central Precocious Puberty. There are tests involved to determine whether it is necessary to block puberty until age 11 or 12.

More girls are affected by this but boys are treated too. Most cases have no reason found but puberty is starting earlier on average, but sometimes it’s even earlier caused by diet or obesity or ethnicity or genetics.

puberty at 8 is early but within normal range. my DS started to show signs of puberty at 8 and nobody ever suggested it was a problem. This is just something people do to girls based on fear of sexuality, as well as the marketing of puberty supression drugs.

Surely you realize that “beginning to show signs” and being a fully developed adolescent with a C cup are not the same.

— DP

that sounds like a scare tactic. but yes - I think it’s healthier to let a girl develop normally than interfere with her hormones because you are scared of breasts. ask yourself why the number of girls dx’d with “precocious puberty” is many times higher than boys. it’s because we are not scared of boys secondar sex characteristics.

It’s not just about breasts. I’m not an endocrinologist so I can’t explain it well but there are many medical reasons and one of them includes mental health. The mental health aspect of so many medical issues are no longer ignored. My daughter was skinny so if we didn’t do hormone blockers she would develop very noticeable breasts at 9 years old along with her period and a growth spurt. The endocrinologist said it would be detrimental to her to have an adult body and acting like the child that she was.

It worked well and at 11 years old she is just starting puberty. I know girls go through this at 8 or 9 but I chose to do what was best for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do your best to dress her and do her hair in ways that reflect her age. Try to avoid having her dress like a tween.

This is so judgmental. There's no indication that OP's child doesn't dress and do her way in an age appropriate way. You're making her point for her - making assumptions about a little girl who looks older than her age, so of course she probably dresses older than her age. You're exactly the type of person poor OP and her daughter have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

People here are being such jerks!! OP didn't ask you any questions about her child's health, she asked how to deal with a-holes like the ones who are responding here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being the tallest girl in elementary is hard. Being overweight/obese as a child is hard. Being both is brutal. Extra weight contributes to early puberty too. I would seriously look at what you can do to get her to a healthier weight so puberty is less likely to come early and for her general health and well being.

OP’s daughter has large parents. She is going to be large. I would try to have her eat very healthy. Her weight is definitely high for an 8 year old, even for a tall 8 year old.

[Anonymous]

Just bc a kid is in the 97% for height doesn’t mean they have to be in the same percentile for weight. I agree with a pp stabilize her weight and as she grows it won’t be as much of a problem.

[Anonymous]

People like you posters are the problem - you're the exact same jerks that OP and her daughter have to deal with in real life. I've seen maybe two answers in 7 pages that are even remotely helpful. No wonder OP hasn't come back. Bunch of a-hoooles here.

[Anonymous]

8 seems to be the age where kids start to all look very different. My DC is of compact size, and the girls in his class look gigantic in comparison. There are kids who are of even more compact size than DC which surprised me. We are a heterogeneous society and we all look different, more or less.

I would avoid medication like puberty blockers if it’s not medically necessary.

[Anonymous]

Opposite issue with my son, who is 12 but the size of an 8 year old. It’s really tough at times, so I empathize with you OP. I don’t think too much can be done though, and luckily eventually her peers will catch up with her.

[Anonymous]

My 11-year-old is 5'6", so I can relate. We host a fair amount of kids or take them to age-appropriate activities (time at parks, rock climbing, rollerskating, book events for tweens, standup paddleboarding, board games etc.) She dresses age-appropriately but it is a challenge and not always particularly high-end stuff (H&M jeans, juniors sizes found online @ Belk or Macys etc.) I think you have to give them space to be kids free of others' intervention (mixed-age and group settings helped us) and also say something when you feel adults are expecting too much. Good luck!