People treating my “big” 8-year-old as much older than she is

[Anonymous]

I’ve always had the same problem with my super sized children. I don’t know the solution but I do find myself constantly letting people around us know my kids’ ages (including even sometimes their teachers-my DS has a late summer birth bday and we sent him to school on time, but because of redshirting he’s the youngest in his class, but physically one of the largest). I’m constantly like, “DS just turned 6! I know he looks older than he is ”. I try to be friendly about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

I have a friend whose 10yo daughter looks like she is in kindergarten. My friend doesn’t like when her DD plays with the younger kids. 10yo has friends who look like they are in middle school and definitely in puberty.

It should all even put by middle school.

There was a girl in my son’s grade who was super tall. She must have been 5’6” in 4th grade and maybe 5’8” at the end of elementary. She stopped growing and is normal tall height in high school.

Blake Lively and Tyra Banks got teased as kids for being tall.

[Anonymous]

My now 11 year old was showing signs of puberty at 8 years old. The doctor said that we didn’t want her to look much older than her peers because she would be treated differently in a negative way.

Three years later she’s growing normally and will remove the hormone blockers soon. She’s now 5’3” and about 105-110 lbs.

[Anonymous]

What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

I have a friend whose 10yo daughter looks like she is in kindergarten. My friend doesn’t like when her DD plays with the younger kids. 10yo has friends who look like they are in middle school and definitely in puberty.

It should [b]all[i] even put by middle school.[/b]

There was a girl in my son’s grade who was super tall. She must have been 5’6” in 4th grade and maybe 5’8” at the end of elementary. She stopped growing and is normal tall height in high school.

Blake Lively and Tyra Banks got teased as kids for being tall.

No it doesn't. A student in DS's grade was 5'10" when she finished 5th grade, in 10th grade she is still taller than most, including boys. A close friend's daughter is taking after her father who is has stats similar to OP's former husband. She's in 9th grade and taller/bigger than many boys, even the athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

I have a friend whose 10yo daughter looks like she is in kindergarten. My friend doesn’t like when her DD plays with the younger kids. 10yo has friends who look like they are in middle school and definitely in puberty.

It should [b]all[i] even put by middle school.[/b]

There was a girl in my son’s grade who was super tall. She must have been 5’6” in 4th grade and maybe 5’8” at the end of elementary. She stopped growing and is normal tall height in high school.

Blake Lively and Tyra Banks got teased as kids for being tall.

No it doesn't. A student in DS's grade was 5'10" when she finished 5th grade, in 10th grade she is still taller than most, including boys. A close friend's daughter is taking after her father who is has stats similar to OP's former husband. She's in 9th grade and taller/bigger than many boys, even the athletes.

And PP we're not talking about "super tall" It's kids who look like mini-adults because of their overall size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

My 11 year old the one on hormone blockers, her closest friends, about five of the, are Latina and mixed race Black. They all have are about the same height as my daughter but they all have their period and are fully developed.

When you say it’s not ok, what can be done? These girls aren’t sexualized as far as I know because they don’t dress in tight clothes with skin showing. With the baggy sweatshirts the girls all look the same.

[Anonymous]

OP, has your DH passed away? You referred to him in the past tense. That can actually impact early puberty in girls as can being overweight, it affects hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the expectations or ways she is treated older?
This happens a lot with black girls, they look older ahead of white girls so get treated differently. Sexualized at a young age etc. it’s not ok.

My 11 year old the one on hormone blockers, her closest friends, about five of the, are Latina and mixed race Black. They all have are about the same height as my daughter but they all have their period and are fully developed.

When you say it’s not ok, what can be done? These girls aren’t sexualized as far as I know because they don’t dress in tight clothes with skin showing. With the baggy sweatshirts the girls all look the same.

DP here. I think this really depends on your child's community. We live in the city and my white DD goes to a predominately Latino and Black school, and many girls start developing in middle elementary. Even if my DD started developing at age 8, she still wouldn't be the first or only girl to get her period in fourth or fifth grade. If you live somewhere with less diversity and most girls don't start developing until a few years later, then yes, the social impacts with peers would be different.

[Anonymous]

^

https://news.berkeley.edu/2010/09/17/puberty/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9203728/

Given how young she is, I'd take steps to stabilize her weight so she can grow into it and perhaps do organic dairy, a friend found that helped slow signs of early puberty in her DD. Being so tall and having very early puberty is going to be super hard for her. If she has lost her dad, it' will just compound emotional challenges and she may be vulnerable to male attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

I have a friend whose 10yo daughter looks like she is in kindergarten. My friend doesn’t like when her DD plays with the younger kids. 10yo has friends who look like they are in middle school and definitely in puberty.

It should [b]all[i] even put by middle school.[/b]

There was a girl in my son’s grade who was super tall. She must have been 5’6” in 4th grade and maybe 5’8” at the end of elementary. She stopped growing and is normal tall height in high school.

Blake Lively and Tyra Banks got teased as kids for being tall.

No it doesn't. A student in DS's grade was 5'10" when she finished 5th grade, in 10th grade she is still taller than most, including boys. A close friend's daughter is taking after her father who is has stats similar to OP's former husband. She's in 9th grade and taller/bigger than many boys, even the athletes.

They say kids all even out by third grade reading. Of course there are super advanced students and kids with special needs. It is just a saying that kids will get to where they should be by that age.

5’10” is obviously very tall. As a petite female, I would love to tower over people. My 14yo DS who is currently 5’6” would love to be 5’10”.

[Anonymous]

Some girls just look older. This is the case in elementary, middle and high school, college and even adulthood.

My friend’s daughter is 9 and she is average height but she acts like a tween/teen and dresses older. She doesn’t like babyish clothing.

I clearly remember a girl in 4th grade who got breasts. She looked older, like she was in high school but she was in elementary. Poor girl used to hold her shirt out so we wouldn’t notice. This is like thirty years later and I still remember her clearly with her big boobs. She was on the heavier side and she must have had like C cups in 4th grade. Pretty sure her boobs weee bigger in 4th grade than when I was 21.

There are 6th graders who look like teens. Middle schoolers who look like they are in high school. Some 40 year old women looked very old while others could pass as 30.

Your 8yo probably looks 10. Who cares? As long as she has friends, it shouldn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We're short, Asian and young-looking and we've all had the opposite problem. People thought I was a teen mother when I was pregnant with my first in grad school. My 13 year old daughter is taken for an 8 year old. For the longest time, I was not taken seriously at work.

People who are outside of the norm will always have a harder time. Try to tolerate it, since you can't change it.

Same here. I’m not Asian but short and young looking. In high school looking like I was in elementary school so I feel your DD’s pain. Best to have some ready responses because unfortunately it does not get better. I just learned to accept and deal with it. Even as an adult in the work place with over 10 years experience some colleagues and clients thought I was just out of college and very disrespectful when I tried to give work related advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, has your DH passed away? You referred to him in the past tense. That can actually impact early puberty in girls as can being overweight, it affects hormones.

Yes. He did. She was very young. Her peditrician isn’t concerned about precocious puberty because he thinks she’s still a few years away from menstruating. I was 11 and i imagine she’ll be 10 or 11.

I really just think she’s built like her dads side of the family.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, my heart goes out to both of you.