41M too old for LTR with me (26F)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH when he was 39 and I was 27. Now married 10+ years, so it can work.

But, our situation was a little different than yours. We were both never married and no kids. I had just finished grad school, and he was also a few years out of grad school (2 degrees, so took longer).

Age gap has not been a big deal, except he is now thinking about retirement and I am just entering the prime of my career.

It sounds like you and this guy are at different places in life, and that's a much bigger deal than the raw age gap.

Different in every aspect compared to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s less about the age gap than it is about who actually wants to sign up for an old divorcee with 3 kids? You can’t do any better than that?

This. You can likely do much better. It's less about the age gap than the fact that he has 3 kids. No to that. At your age, you can probably find someone with no kids who wants to have kids with you when you're ready for that again. If you want to date a 41 yo, date someone who is at least rich childless but wanting children. This situation, however, is no good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

A PhD candidate is dating someone who doesn’t know the difference between then and than?

Right? This guy is BS.

[Anonymous]

What's up with all the 20something single moms on here dating 40somethings so frequently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with all the 20something single moms on here dating 40somethings so frequently?

20 something yr old men don't want to date a 20s single mom. 40 something yr old men are. They either have kids themselves or they are desperate for a 20 something yr old such that they are willing to deal with a toddler again at 40 something.

[Anonymous]

Honestly…you do you. I think people meet and fall in love for reasons that have more to do with energy and karma than anything else. Your situation is not for everyone on this forum, and that’s fine.

The only thing I would say is to yes, finish your education. That’s YOUR karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

It’s the same for younger lesbians chasing after older lesbians online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's up with all the 20something single moms on here dating 40somethings so frequently?

Finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

You again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly…you do you. I think people meet and fall in love for reasons that have more to do with energy and karma than anything else. Your situation is not for everyone on this forum, and that’s fine.

The only thing I would say is to yes, finish your education. That’s YOUR karma.

Please go look up 'karma' so you know how to use it properly.

[Anonymous]

Those 3 kids will likely loathe you and your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH when he was 39 and I was 27. Now married 10+ years, so it can work.

But, our situation was a little different than yours. We were both never married and no kids. I had just finished grad school, and he was also a few years out of grad school (2 degrees, so took longer).

Age gap has not been a big deal, except he is now thinking about retirement and I am just entering the prime of my career.

It sounds like you and this guy are at different places in life, and that's a much bigger deal than the raw age gap.

I agree with this and I have had a similar experience. It's not the age gap specifically, but the rest of your differences that's perhaps a little too much. That being said, I'm not in your shoes, and if this meant to be, it's meant to be.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey, the world is your oyster. You are young, you are done with kids, your kid is past the daycare years. Now is the time to build a career, whether you choose to go to college or another route. You have tons of time and way less pressure to keep dating and find just the right fit. Don’t chain yourself to a middle aged guy with 3 kids. He has been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH when he was 39 and I was 27. Now married 10+ years, so it can work.

But, our situation was a little different than yours. We were both never married and no kids. I had just finished grad school, and he was also a few years out of grad school (2 degrees, so took longer).

Age gap has not been a big deal, except he is now thinking about retirement and I am just entering the prime of my career.

It sounds like you and this guy are at different places in life, and that's a much bigger deal than the raw age gap.

I agree with this and I have had a similar experience. It's not the age gap specifically, but the rest of your differences that's perhaps a little too much. That being said, I'm not in your shoes, and if this meant to be, it's meant to be.

DP. Ugh, the bold backtracked on what was a good post. Please don't feed some "soulmates!" rose-colored-glasses notion in OP's head (or anyone's, for that matter). "Meant to be" and butterflies have their place, and it's not a place where OP and this man will still be in even a few years' time. With kids involved on both sides, she needs to be more pragmatic than "meant to be."

To the OP: You said you don't want more kids. If you stay with him, you are automatically getting three more kids, all at once. Unavoidably. No take backs. He will always give them priority over you--which is as it should be, but...he will always give them priority over you.

Do you really want to be a mom of four? Even if you like his kids, OP, you will be shocked at how going from one to FOUR at once will rock your world -- yes, even if you and he only have his kids 50 percent of the time.

Say goodbye, get a degree, get the best possible job, focus on your kid and have fun with your kid while kid is still young enough to adore having your attention (it goes fast, OP). Put serious dating on hold for a while until you look back at this man and can say with clear eyes, "He was great, but the situation would not have worked."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rule of thumb is half plus seven, right? So 41 and 27.5, which means I think you're within the rough zone of reasonable age separation. DH and I have an 8 year gap that got us a lot of side-eye when we were younger but seems within the noise now that we're late 40s/early 50s.

Nope, no one more than 9 years apart. This study was done and came to that conclusion as if the gap is wider, “generational” differences, etc cause problems.