41M too old for LTR with me (26F)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a mistake. You are so young. Get your shit together for yourself and your child and do better. Don't settle for being a 40 something divorced dad's plaything.

You are definitely the plaything and about to take in childcare for 3 more kids.

[Anonymous]

Take it from someone who married a dude 9 years older and that's pushing it. NO. This guy is going to be the crypt keeper in a few years and you'll be in your prime. Don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly…you do you. I think people meet and fall in love for reasons that have more to do with energy and karma than anything else. Your situation is not for everyone on this forum, and that’s fine.

The only thing I would say is to yes, finish your education. That’s YOUR karma.

Please go look up 'karma' so you know how to use it properly.

PP here and i am using the term properly.

Karma is the fulfillment of your soul’s journey through earthly experiences, and the growth you take from those from one life to the next. If you’re thinking it’s revenge or getting what’s coming to you, like most people on this forum think, you’re flat out wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

This reminds me of a couple that I saw a at a bar in 14th St, she was in her 20s, he was probably in his 60s and not attractive at all. I have no idea What issue that woman had, but something must have been wrong with her.

Lol this might have been my friend- she recently got married at 28 to a 57yo with 3 adult kids. Granted she was single, childless and has no desire to become a parent but man were we (her friends) confused why she chose a man with kids so close to her age. She is normal/pretty and pleasant, and he is not even loaded, just a small business owner!

[Anonymous]

As married woman about that age with three kids, I really encourage you to, yes, explore this relationship but also to think very deeply about what YOU envision for YOUR life (not you imagining yourself in his). 26 is very young, and you have so much to do and to see and to learn, and choosing to stay with this man (and marry?) will take you on a very specific path that will demand your devotion, patience, and perseverance. Marriage, kids, stepkids etc is all a very beautiful part of life, but it’s all also very hard, and you’re only young once (!), and your life is kind of open right now. Choose carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s less about the age gap than it is about who actually wants to sign up for an old divorcee with 3 kids? You can’t do any better than that?

She is also a divorcee with kids. She isn't any great prize. At 44 his kids are probably almost grown and he probably has a stable career. I'd say he is actually a better catch than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s less about the age gap than it is about who actually wants to sign up for an old divorcee with 3 kids? You can’t do any better than that?

She is also a divorcee with kids. She isn't any great prize. At 44 his kids are probably almost grown and he probably has a stable career. I'd say he is actually a better catch than she is.

Mid 40s in DC? At least 2 of those kids are under 10.

[Anonymous]

at 43 I married a 27 year old who by all accounts was totally over the moon to get married to me. After the marriage she decided to start posting on instagram/facebook/etc. and after that, boy did the crap start rolling in. There was a lot of negative talk from other women and it really got under her skin. So much so that she got very unhappy and started second guessing her decision. The feedback was consistently "she's a gold digger" "He must have money" "ick, he is so old" "you are so pretty, couldn't you do better?" etc. etc. etc. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that kind of feedback. She became very self conscious about us and she eventually left the marriage.

about a year after the divorce she called me up and said "I really was happy to marry you but there were people causing problems."

What I can say is that (1) women appear to be very influenced by peer pressure (2) other women can't just let other women be happy.

Consider the following:
1. Men in their 20 - 30 have a very high libido which typically far exceeds their wives. That cools off in the 40 and 50 so an age gap can help equal out libido differences.
2. Men in their 40 and 50 are a little more easy-going which can really help when dealing with kids.
3. In the 40's a man is more readily able to conclude that he can be satisfied in the relationship and commit.

In my experience I was "running and gunning" so hard in my 20 and 30 that I didn't have time to reflect or contemplate life.

So many women complain about wanting a man who is both successful and thoughtful yet they often group-think themselves out of those them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh honey, the world is your oyster. You are young, you are done with kids, your kid is past the daycare years. Now is the time to build a career, whether you choose to go to college or another route. You have tons of time and way less pressure to keep dating and find just the right fit. Don’t chain yourself to a middle aged guy with 3 kids. He has been there, done that.

This is BS. She is young but the world isn’t her oyster lol. She’s undereducated and has baggage ie her kid. Do you really think she has the money or free time to go to college or do something other than a menial job? This 41 year old might be one of the better options she has going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

Don't take it personal. We are talking about some other guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 43 I married a 27 year old who by all accounts was totally over the moon to get married to me. After the marriage she decided to start posting on instagram/facebook/etc. and after that, boy did the crap start rolling in. There was a lot of negative talk from other women and it really got under her skin. So much so that she got very unhappy and started second guessing her decision. The feedback was consistently "she's a gold digger" "He must have money" "ick, he is so old" "you are so pretty, couldn't you do better?" etc. etc. etc. I'm sure she wasn't expecting that kind of feedback. She became very self conscious about us and she eventually left the marriage.

about a year after the divorce she called me up and said "I really was happy to marry you but there were people causing problems."

What I can say is that (1) women appear to be very influenced by peer pressure (2) other women can't just let other women be happy.

Consider the following:
1. Men in their 20 - 30 have a very high libido which typically far exceeds their wives. That cools off in the 40 and 50 so an age gap can help equal out libido differences.
2. Men in their 40 and 50 are a little more easy-going which can really help when dealing with kids.
3. In the 40's a man is more readily able to conclude that he can be satisfied in the relationship and commit.

In my experience I was "running and gunning" so hard in my 20 and 30 that I didn't have time to reflect or contemplate life.

So many women complain about wanting a man who is both successful and thoughtful yet they often group-think themselves out of those them.

Were you also a divorced 43yo with 3 kids to take care of when you married a 27yo? If yes, I'd say she was lucky to get out before it was too late. OTOH if you were a single 43yo with no kids, I don't think your experience has anything to do with OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Divorced men with minor kids usually try to link up with another woman quickly because they realize that they can't handle home and childcare by themselves. Can't or don't want to, that is.

This man with a boatload of kids is looking for a nanny, preferably one who is young and hot. Does he have serious money and a nice house in a good school district? Might be a solid move for a baby mama like you with no education and no real prospects. Not an insult, just being real. If you can't make the money, might as well marry it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

Yes easy on the app because you likely have zero skills in person. A never ending bottomless pit of easy sex for you with little self exploration as to why you’re not up to snuff for a woman your own age. Laughable at best.

All men with options will go for women a decade or more younger once they hit middle age. The only older guys who date older women are the ones who can’t get a 20-30 something. Look at all the celebrities and ultra wealthy men, they almost exclusively date young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

Yes easy on the app because you likely have zero skills in person. A never ending bottomless pit of easy sex for you with little self exploration as to why you’re not up to snuff for a woman your own age. Laughable at best.

All men with options will go for women a decade or more younger once they hit middle age. The only older guys who date older women are the ones who can’t get a 20-30 something. Look at all the celebrities and ultra wealthy men, they almost exclusively date young women.

Try again. Men with money and influence can buy a young partner, most others have to scramble, many can’t even pair up.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. We actually live in a different metro area (not DC). To answer some of the questions - he is not rich but he has a good professional job. OTOH I'm probably underemployed, working for my mom in a small family business (which is its own annoyance). His kids are significantly older than mine (the oldest will be graduating HS in a couple years). He gets along with his ex and he only has his kids 2 days a week. Physically he's in great shape (but is losing a little hair at the back) and we're very compatible there. And to the poster who said I must be fat - I'm not - I've had a kid but haven't let myself go at all. Still get plenty of attention when I'm out.