41M too old for LTR with me (26F)?
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Anonymous
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I'm a 26F with a 3 y/o DC from a previous relationship. About 6 months ago via OLD I met a 41M (divorced with 3 DCs). I think he's great, we've really enjoyed spending time together, and at first I thought this would be casual but it's turned into a serious relationship. I don't have any desire to get married quickly or have any more kids. But I'm kind of getting the side eye from some friends and family about the age gap, and also the education gap - I never finished college but he has a graduate degree. We're exclusive but we haven't discussed anything like moving in together.
Do you think this is fine or am I going to look back on this as a mistake? |
Anonymous
| It’s less about the age gap than it is about who actually wants to sign up for an old divorcee with 3 kids? You can’t do any better than that? |
Anonymous
| It's a mistake. You are so young. Get your shit together for yourself and your child and do better. Don't settle for being a 40 something divorced dad's plaything. |
Anonymous
| Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar. |
Anonymous
| OP, if I were you, I'd focus on myself and my kid, and get a college degree first and find a good job. Dating is secondary, and dating a 40 something divorced dad of 3 is really not all that. |
Anonymous
| I think it's fine. Just be sure to get a prenup. Say it's to protect HIS assets since he's so much older. That doesn't preclude you ever inheriting. It just sets out terms and conditions for both partners in the event the marriage ends. |
Anonymous
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I met my DH when he was 39 and I was 27. Now married 10+ years, so it can work.
But, our situation was a little different than yours. We were both never married and no kids. I had just finished grad school, and he was also a few years out of grad school (2 degrees, so took longer). Age gap has not been a big deal, except he is now thinking about retirement and I am just entering the prime of my career. It sounds like you and this guy are at different places in life, and that's a much bigger deal than the raw age gap. |
Anonymous
| The rule of thumb is half plus seven, right? So 41 and 27.5, which means I think you're within the rough zone of reasonable age separation. DH and I have an 8 year gap that got us a lot of side-eye when we were younger but seems within the noise now that we're late 40s/early 50s. |
Anonymous
| Way too old. Yuck |
Anonymous
| The "divorced with 3 kids" thing is what I would be wary of (instead of fixating on age and education). Especially since you have your own kid. |
Anonymous
Are you joking ? If he’s 58 then she should be 36? That’s 22 years difference no woman would want it unless he’s loaded |
Anonymous
Well, now we know that these divorced men with multiple kids are dating 20 smth women with babies outside wedlock and no college degrees /=means. Good luck with that ! I’m not envious: wouldn’t date a guy with 3 kids even as a 44 yo woman |
Anonymous
| You are so young! Why waste your youth on a 40 year old divorcee? I think maybe security is the answer here. And that’s fine, it just seems like such a waste. |
Anonymous
| Is he loaded ? |
Anonymous
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There are too many negatives here: age gap, divorcee, too many kids etc.
And you don't even want more kids. So what's the rush? Wait and find someone with whom you'd have to make less compromises. |