Midlife mental health in toilet, deep self loathing, feeling hopeless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lift weights

When people say this, what do they mean exactly? Like start body building? Hire a personal trainer? Join a gym?

There are personal training locations that are not a gym. Not PP, but I too starting doing this and it helps. Part of it is the encouragement (smiles with "Perfect! Great job!, etc"), and part of it is the increased muscle mass leads to better circulation and reduces glucose swings that mess with hormones.

[Anonymous]

How do you find these?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lift weights

When people say this, what do they mean exactly? Like start body building? Hire a personal trainer? Join a gym?

There are personal training locations that are not a gym. Not PP, but I too starting doing this and it helps. Part of it is the encouragement (smiles with "Perfect! Great job!, etc"), and part of it is the increased muscle mass leads to better circulation and reduces glucose swings that mess with hormones.

I’ve started boxing and I love it. I’m the oldest one there (59) and can’t do a lot of the core work they do as a cool down but I can punch a bag really, really hard. It’s given me something to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Please enroll in one of these programs and practice the breath/ meditation everyday. It has changed my life for the better.

https://members.us.artofliving.org/us-en/course?courseType=SKY_BREATH_MEDITATION

Watch this Ed Mylett’s interview with the founder - https://youtu.be/wPQJz__rdHo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lift weights

When people say this, what do they mean exactly? Like start body building? Hire a personal trainer? Join a gym?

There are personal training locations that are not a gym. Not PP, but I too starting doing this and it helps. Part of it is the encouragement (smiles with "Perfect! Great job!, etc"), and part of it is the increased muscle mass leads to better circulation and reduces glucose swings that mess with hormones.

I’ve started boxing and I love it. I’m the oldest one there (59) and can’t do a lot of the core work they do as a cool down but I can punch a bag really, really hard. It’s given me something to look forward to.

OP here and this sounds appealing. As well as anything wear I could get really, really strong. Anyone have ideas other than boxing for this? I’m going to look into local boxing gyms but want to explore my options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lift weights

When people say this, what do they mean exactly? Like start body building? Hire a personal trainer? Join a gym?

There are personal training locations that are not a gym. Not PP, but I too starting doing this and it helps. Part of it is the encouragement (smiles with "Perfect! Great job!, etc"), and part of it is the increased muscle mass leads to better circulation and reduces glucose swings that mess with hormones.

I’ve started boxing and I love it. I’m the oldest one there (59) and can’t do a lot of the core work they do as a cool down but I can punch a bag really, really hard. It’s given me something to look forward to.

OP here and this sounds appealing. As well as anything wear I could get really, really strong. Anyone have ideas other than boxing for this? I’m going to look into local boxing gyms but want to explore my options.

PP here, I go to Title Boxing, there are several in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please enroll in one of these programs and practice the breath/ meditation everyday. It has changed my life for the better.

https://members.us.artofliving.org/us-en/course?courseType=SKY_BREATH_MEDITATION

Watch this Ed Mylett’s interview with the founder - https://youtu.be/wPQJz__rdHo

These courses sound interesting and beneficial, and also the logistics of taking a three day meditation course that is two hours each day, as a mom with a full time job, is too much. Even though they are online! One hour, maybe if it was on my lunch hour. Two days, if it was over a weekend. But I was flipping through the scheduling options and nope, my life dies not involve that kind of flexibility and free time. And I work for myself! But I still have clients and meetings and lots of child commitments. Can’t do it.

I need solutions that assume I have pretty limited time and bandwidth.

[Anonymous]

There’s a great book called The Midnight Library that’s pretty good on this issue (regrets, etc). I went through a midlife phase/crisis/blah period for a few years and it helped me start to come out of it. Also weights. I know it sounds crazy, but lifting weights just helps with everything. Plus HRT and an SSRI. Use all the tools!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please enroll in one of these programs and practice the breath/ meditation everyday. It has changed my life for the better.

https://members.us.artofliving.org/us-en/course?courseType=SKY_BREATH_MEDITATION

Watch this Ed Mylett’s interview with the founder - https://youtu.be/wPQJz__rdHo

These courses sound interesting and beneficial, and also the logistics of taking a three day meditation course that is two hours each day, as a mom with a full time job, is too much. Even though they are online! One hour, maybe if it was on my lunch hour. Two days, if it was over a weekend. But I was flipping through the scheduling options and nope, my life dies not involve that kind of flexibility and free time. And I work for myself! But I still have clients and meetings and lots of child commitments. Can’t do it.

I need solutions that assume I have pretty limited time and bandwidth.

There are numerous apps that provide guided meditations, usually cheap or free and ranging from 10 minute to longer sessions. Also YouTube and podcasts are available for guided meditations and also yoga videos on YouTube. There are lots of on demand and free resources for these things I encourage you to spend a few minutes searching you’ll find something that fits your needs.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately (with the exception of being a parent-I don't have kids) I really, really relate. Thank you OP and thanks to everyone else for posting-it truly made me feel less alone today.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for posting, OP. I don't have much advice, but I can also really, really relate.

What has helped so far is brisk walking. I'm lucky enough to be near Sligo Creek, so walking so close within the woods with the sounds of a creek is relaxing. Walking just helps give some perspective. I'm also trying to focus on my health: a regular sleep routine, more fruits/vegs, and watching my levels of stress.

I agree with the previous posters who mentioned entering a new phase. I feel oddly old...wasn't I just 45? That didn't seem so old. Didn't I have more time to figure it all out? At the same time, I want to try a ton of new things and enjoy life more. It's a frustrating mix of hope and regret. I'm treating it like a period of grief, mourning the loss of dreams and hopes that no longer seem possible b/c of my stage of life. It's also an opportunity to redefine hopes and dreams. Giving myself some time and space to go this moment really helps.

Best wishes to you and to all who are at this moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lift weights

When people say this, what do they mean exactly? Like start body building? Hire a personal trainer? Join a gym?

There are personal training locations that are not a gym. Not PP, but I too starting doing this and it helps. Part of it is the encouragement (smiles with "Perfect! Great job!, etc"), and part of it is the increased muscle mass leads to better circulation and reduces glucose swings that mess with hormones.

I’ve started boxing and I love it. I’m the oldest one there (59) and can’t do a lot of the core work they do as a cool down but I can punch a bag really, really hard. It’s given me something to look forward to.

Are you punching someone or something in your mind, or just punching. Because I want to punch something for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is how I feel too. If I didn’t have children I would commit suicide.

Same

Well I have adult kids, and we were a close family! One moved away for a job, and then distanced himself from everyone, and the other is involved in her life, which is how it is supposed to be, I think sees us now as obligations, I don't really know, but we are now "young" older, with no parents, no siblings, no kids really, no grandkids (there won't be any), plenty of friends and cousins who are all, and I mean all involved with their own grandchildren and families, or a few others who travel 3/4 of the year. I see friends between their family times, and I see cousins when someone dies.
We volunteer, stuff, blah blah blah, I'm busy with things, but I feel so alone now, as I didn't know my whole family life, and my whole family, was just going to end terminally, and I am not looking forward to whatever the future holds at all. I mean, what is there now? I am grieving for my own life I think.

[Anonymous]

I've been reading books and watching videos on a subject called "interpersonal neurobiology". Check Amazon for the "Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology" and you will see 100 or so books on the subject.

Interpersonal Neurobiology/IPNB is a framework for cultivating mental well-being by drawing from knowledge from multiple scientific disciplines--i.e. physics, anthropology, chemistry, sociology, biology, linguistics, etc. It proposes that the mind is self-organizing---that it emerges and regulates itself as a system of flowing energy and information, behaving similarly to a river (or clouds, oceans, flocks of birds). For well-being, the goal is to integrate/link/connect together multiple facets/layers of the mind (i.e. your place in time, connections to others, your place on this earth, what you focus on, memories, what your body is responding to, how your brain is processing logic vs. emotion, the different sides of you, and the narrative of your life as it continues to unfold).

All states of mental ill health in the DSM-V are either states of mental rigidity (i.e. ocd), mental chaos (i.e mania) or an ongoing rapid shift between chaos and rigidity (i.e. PTSD). Using the metaphor of a river, sometimes the mind feels like a stagnant swamp (i.e. mid-life for many of us) and sometimes it feels like chaos, as though you are being tossed around by white water rapids. Moments/periods of mental well-being are like being in the middle of a river on a peaceful day---your relationship with the world around you feels flexible, open, calm, safe, stable. It helps to be open to the fact that moments/periods of chaos and rigidity are a natural part of living in the world---but to not get stuck for too long in either of those two states.

I began studying IPNB in my free time in my early 40s and it has helped me cope better with the challenges and losses of midlife--this stage is hard but as my mind becomes more integrated/linked with its various layers, I have a more satisfying understanding of myself, others and the world.

Maybe it's not IPNB but rather a particular subject you could take up and do a deep dive into over the remaning decades of your life---it'll keep your brain active/engaged and growing....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading books and watching videos on a subject called "interpersonal neurobiology". Check Amazon for the "Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology" and you will see 100 or so books on the subject.

Interpersonal Neurobiology/IPNB is a framework for cultivating mental well-being by drawing from knowledge from multiple scientific disciplines--i.e. physics, anthropology, chemistry, sociology, biology, linguistics, etc. It proposes that the mind is self-organizing---that it emerges and regulates itself as a system of flowing energy and information, behaving similarly to a river (or clouds, oceans, flocks of birds). For well-being, the goal is to integrate/link/connect together multiple facets/layers of the mind (i.e. your place in time, connections to others, your place on this earth, what you focus on, memories, what your body is responding to, how your brain is processing logic vs. emotion, the different sides of you, and the narrative of your life as it continues to unfold).

All states of mental ill health in the DSM-V are either states of mental rigidity (i.e. ocd), mental chaos (i.e mania) or an ongoing rapid shift between chaos and rigidity (i.e. PTSD). Using the metaphor of a river, sometimes the mind feels like a stagnant swamp (i.e. mid-life for many of us) and sometimes it feels like chaos, as though you are being tossed around by white water rapids. Moments/periods of mental well-being are like being in the middle of a river on a peaceful day---your relationship with the world around you feels flexible, open, calm, safe, stable. It helps to be open to the fact that moments/periods of chaos and rigidity are a natural part of living in the world---but to not get stuck for too long in either of those two states.

I began studying IPNB in my free time in my early 40s and it has helped me cope better with the challenges and losses of midlife--this stage is hard but as my mind becomes more integrated/linked with its various layers, I have a more satisfying understanding of myself, others and the world.

Maybe it's not IPNB but rather a particular subject you could take up and do a deep dive into over the remaning decades of your life---it'll keep your brain active/engaged and growing....

Or, we just miss our family and all the best stuff is over. Sometimes it's just that simple.