Midlife mental health in toilet, deep self loathing, feeling hopeless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading books and watching videos on a subject called "interpersonal neurobiology". Check Amazon for the "Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology" and you will see 100 or so books on the subject.

Interpersonal Neurobiology/IPNB is a framework for cultivating mental well-being by drawing from knowledge from multiple scientific disciplines--i.e. physics, anthropology, chemistry, sociology, biology, linguistics, etc. It proposes that the mind is self-organizing---that it emerges and regulates itself as a system of flowing energy and information, behaving similarly to a river (or clouds, oceans, flocks of birds). For well-being, the goal is to integrate/link/connect together multiple facets/layers of the mind (i.e. your place in time, connections to others, your place on this earth, what you focus on, memories, what your body is responding to, how your brain is processing logic vs. emotion, the different sides of you, and the narrative of your life as it continues to unfold).

All states of mental ill health in the DSM-V are either states of mental rigidity (i.e. ocd), mental chaos (i.e mania) or an ongoing rapid shift between chaos and rigidity (i.e. PTSD). Using the metaphor of a river, sometimes the mind feels like a stagnant swamp (i.e. mid-life for many of us) and sometimes it feels like chaos, as though you are being tossed around by white water rapids. Moments/periods of mental well-being are like being in the middle of a river on a peaceful day---your relationship with the world around you feels flexible, open, calm, safe, stable. It helps to be open to the fact that moments/periods of chaos and rigidity are a natural part of living in the world---but to not get stuck for too long in either of those two states.

I began studying IPNB in my free time in my early 40s and it has helped me cope better with the challenges and losses of midlife--this stage is hard but as my mind becomes more integrated/linked with its various layers, I have a more satisfying understanding of myself, others and the world.

Maybe it's not IPNB but rather a particular subject you could take up and do a deep dive into over the remaning decades of your life---it'll keep your brain active/engaged and growing....

Or, we just miss our family and all the best stuff is over. Sometimes it's just that simple.

Agree. But maybe we can build new “families” and create new “best stuff”? Like adopting/fostering animals, hosting one or two foreign exchange students for the year, volunteering, etc.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in to say that I also feel this. Big hugs to all. I for one am going to make a point of going for a walk and lifting some weights tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Things might seem hopeless but keep hanging on. Had I given up, I would never have met my kids, for example. You never know what amazing things are around the corner. Good distractions, such as a big fitness goal or being outside, are helpful along the way and it might point you in the right direction. This thread is helpful to see I’m not the only one, so thanks to all you kind posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading books and watching videos on a subject called "interpersonal neurobiology". Check Amazon for the "Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology" and you will see 100 or so books on the subject.

Interpersonal Neurobiology/IPNB is a framework for cultivating mental well-being by drawing from knowledge from multiple scientific disciplines--i.e. physics, anthropology, chemistry, sociology, biology, linguistics, etc. It proposes that the mind is self-organizing---that it emerges and regulates itself as a system of flowing energy and information, behaving similarly to a river (or clouds, oceans, flocks of birds). For well-being, the goal is to integrate/link/connect together multiple facets/layers of the mind (i.e. your place in time, connections to others, your place on this earth, what you focus on, memories, what your body is responding to, how your brain is processing logic vs. emotion, the different sides of you, and the narrative of your life as it continues to unfold).

All states of mental ill health in the DSM-V are either states of mental rigidity (i.e. ocd), mental chaos (i.e mania) or an ongoing rapid shift between chaos and rigidity (i.e. PTSD). Using the metaphor of a river, sometimes the mind feels like a stagnant swamp (i.e. mid-life for many of us) and sometimes it feels like chaos, as though you are being tossed around by white water rapids. Moments/periods of mental well-being are like being in the middle of a river on a peaceful day---your relationship with the world around you feels flexible, open, calm, safe, stable. It helps to be open to the fact that moments/periods of chaos and rigidity are a natural part of living in the world---but to not get stuck for too long in either of those two states.

I began studying IPNB in my free time in my early 40s and it has helped me cope better with the challenges and losses of midlife--this stage is hard but as my mind becomes more integrated/linked with its various layers, I have a more satisfying understanding of myself, others and the world.

Maybe it's not IPNB but rather a particular subject you could take up and do a deep dive into over the remaning decades of your life---it'll keep your brain active/engaged and growing....

Or, we just miss our family and all the best stuff is over. Sometimes it's just that simple.

Agree. But maybe we can build new “families” and create new “best stuff”? Like adopting/fostering animals, hosting one or two foreign exchange students for the year, volunteering, etc.

Yup, dogs are magic. I recommend highly. But - I'm volunteering out the wazoo, and it's still not family. Got plenty to do. But it's not family.
No foreign exchange student wants to stay with retired people, lol, but who knows, there might be that one (?) old soul. Never know, right?

[Anonymous]

Call Pastor Jeff 571 332 2525. Tell him how you feel and listen what he has to say. He helped me a lot in very difficult times.

[Anonymous]

I feel yucky and sad. I need to embrace my aging self but it’s so hard. The jowls!

[Anonymous]

Find a coach to help guide you through this next stage. Grieve your youth and all the dreams you once had. Embrace the wisdom you’ve gained and she’s excess baggage so you can live intentionally.

Easier said then done, I’m only now emerging from my own funk but I feel like I’ve woken up for the first time in many ways.