In a dark place today: Life isn’t Fair

[Anonymous]

Not sure if it is helpful to hear, but I also had “tube problems” and IVF worked on the first try at 39. I never knew I had endometriosis and turns out it damaged my tubes pretty severely and there was little chance of a successful pregnancy. In remember the unknowns you are feeling right now. They are the hardest. We’re doing IVF again in hopes of a second child. Having been through it once, it all feels pretty benign this time around. Hang in there. Take it one step at a time. You’ll know what to do when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 90% of my friends needed fertility treatments! It has such a high success rate. Just get that appointment and get going - you could be holding your baby an year from now! The success rate on IvF esp since you can get pregnant is so high!!

Please stop communicating with people dealing with infertility

Wait, why? I want to give her hope. I did infertility treatments for both of my kids too / it was tricky and complicated - I wasn’t ever able to get pregnant on my own… I just hope she makes the appointment and gets going!

[Anonymous]

Unless you have actually gone down the path of adoption, please refrain from offering your ignorant advice. Adoption is really really difficult, can take years, doesn’t always result in a child and there are so many other difficult things about it. So unless you’ve actually lived all of that, kindly keep your uneducated opinion to yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP it is really hard. Try to find an IVF support group in your area. Truly life-saving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really sorry. When I had lots of losses a friend who had also been though the fertility journey told me “you will get the baby you are meant to have”. She was so right. I hope that you get your rainbow baby soon. Fwiw, IVF wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. My anxiety about it was much worse.

OP here. Thank you. My OB doesn’t think I should TTC naturally anymore due to the high risk of future ectopics which are life threatening. She says the best way forward is IVF so the embryo can be implanted in my uterus. I’m just scared as there is no guarantee it will work.

I also didn’t want to be an older mom and here I am as I don’t know how long it’ll take and when it’ll work.

Good luck OP. Don't worry about your age, it just makes it more stressful. I've been in a dark place recently (baby loss) and it's hard to see the light. I hope this works for you and you are able to have all that you want for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m really sorry. When I had lots of losses a friend who had also been though the fertility journey told me “you will get the baby you are meant to have”. She was so right. I hope that you get your rainbow baby soon. Fwiw, IVF wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. My anxiety about it was much worse.

OP here. Thank you. My OB doesn’t think I should TTC naturally anymore due to the high risk of future ectopics which are life threatening. She says the best way forward is IVF so the embryo can be implanted in my uterus. I’m just scared as there is no guarantee it will work.

I also didn’t want to be an older mom and here I am as I don’t know how long it’ll take and when it’ll work.

OP, it will probably work. You are young in the IVF world. My IVF babies were at 38 and 40 and I’m happy we did IVF because they are perfect kids and they wouldn’t be the same kids if the journey had been any different! I wish the same blessings to you. Don’t lose hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy!

First of all, OP hasn’t even tried IVF once yet, she clearly has good eggs and sperm to work with, and there is zero reason to think IVF won’t work! Talking about a child free life or adopting or anything else is just way way silly at this point.

OP, IVF truly is not that bad! You’ll do it once or twice, perhaps even a third time, and you’ll have your baby or babies!

Talk to people who have done IVF for years and years without success and then you’ll know what truly unfair looks and feels like. Perspective!!

My thoughts exactly. Why are people bringing up these other options? IVF is not the huge deal it sounds like before you actually do it. It’s a lot of appointments and drugs but for a limited time and then odds are good you end up with a baby.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through, OP. It sucks and it’s not fair. I wish you all the best with IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 90% of my friends needed fertility treatments! It has such a high success rate. Just get that appointment and get going - you could be holding your baby an year from now! The success rate on IvF esp since you can get pregnant is so high!!

Please stop communicating with people dealing with infertility

Wait, why? I want to give her hope. I did infertility treatments for both of my kids too / it was tricky and complicated - I wasn’t ever able to get pregnant on my own… I just hope she makes the appointment and gets going!

If you had fertility treatments I guess you're aware they're not a 90% success rate. OP seems very accepting that IVF is what she has to do and is saying it sucks. It does suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy!

First of all, OP hasn’t even tried IVF once yet, she clearly has good eggs and sperm to work with, and there is zero reason to think IVF won’t work! Talking about a child free life or adopting or anything else is just way way silly at this point.

OP, IVF truly is not that bad! You’ll do it once or twice, perhaps even a third time, and you’ll have your baby or babies!

Talk to people who have done IVF for years and years without success and then you’ll know what truly unfair looks and feels like. Perspective!!

My thoughts exactly. Why are people bringing up these other options? IVF is not the huge deal it sounds like before you actually do it. It’s a lot of appointments and drugs but for a limited time and then odds are good you end up with a baby.

Not only is it the appointments its also logistics of those appointments and the little thing of cost. Some people don't live close to their clinics. Its all a lot.

Other people bringing up adoption is the most typical thing ever and they should all stop doing this when people are talking about infertility treatments. Everyone is aware of adoption.

[Anonymous]

It’s ok. You can do it! You’re young even though you don’t think you are which is hugely important when doing IVF. IVF isn’t that bad. We all face hurdles in life and this is yours. Those people that get pregnant easily have other issues. Focus on the task at hand. Seriously, you’ve got this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you got this! I'm sure you've heard good, positive stories and focus on that!

[Anonymous]

This is op. Thank you for the support!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy!

First of all, OP hasn’t even tried IVF once yet, she clearly has good eggs and sperm to work with, and there is zero reason to think IVF won’t work! Talking about a child free life or adopting or anything else is just way way silly at this point.

OP, IVF truly is not that bad! You’ll do it once or twice, perhaps even a third time, and you’ll have your baby or babies!

Talk to people who have done IVF for years and years without success and then you’ll know what truly unfair looks and feels like. Perspective!!

My thoughts exactly. Why are people bringing up these other options? IVF is not the huge deal it sounds like before you actually do it. It’s a lot of appointments and drugs but for a limited time and then odds are good you end up with a baby.

Not only is it the appointments its also logistics of those appointments and the little thing of cost. Some people don't live close to their clinics. Its all a lot.

Other people bringing up adoption is the most typical thing ever and they should all stop doing this when people are talking about infertility treatments. Everyone is aware of adoption.

Same is true in the other direction. We were in the adoption process due to inability to conceive. We were pretty far in - we were doing medical review for a potential match from DH's home country - when I got pregnant. Our social worker said basically to NEVER tell that story to anyone trying to adopt because people think it happens all the time, but it is actually very rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really sorry. When I had lots of losses a friend who had also been though the fertility journey told me “you will get the baby you are meant to have”. She was so right. I hope that you get your rainbow baby soon. Fwiw, IVF wasn’t nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. My anxiety about it was much worse.

I find the meant to be narrative extremely offensive and upsetting. No, things don’t always work out for the best. And minimizing loss this way is awful. My living child is wonderful. But I’ll always miss their older sibling, who was stillborn. Meant to be language makes me so angry.