In a dark place today: Life isn’t Fair

[Anonymous]

Comparison is the thief of joy. You’re in your own path. You have no idea what’s going on under the surface with the people you mentioned. Make a gratitude list and stop comparing yourself. And absolutely get off instagram.

[Anonymous]

I always find it interesting when people don’t discover until adulthood that life isn’t fair. Reading dcum, I am forever grateful that my parents taught me that life isn’t fair from an early age.

If it makes OP feel any better, I had years of fertility treatments, 6 miscarriages, and cancer in my mid 30s. I was never able to have children. Despite this, my life is now very good. It’s OK to feel bad when you’re going through tough things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always find it interesting when people don’t discover until adulthood that life isn’t fair. Reading dcum, I am forever grateful that my parents taught me that life isn’t fair from an early age.

If it makes OP feel any better, I had years of fertility treatments, 6 miscarriages, and cancer in my mid 30s. I was never able to have children. Despite this, my life is now very good. It’s OK to feel bad when you’re going through tough things.

Really unhelpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally empathize, OP. I’ve never even had a + before. And pursuing IVF is against my beliefs so I’m triply feeling the suck. Not trying to make this about me, but I hope it’s okay to commiserate here with you. It does suck, alot.

What belief is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally empathize, OP. I’ve never even had a + before. And pursuing IVF is against my beliefs so I’m triply feeling the suck. Not trying to make this about me, but I hope it’s okay to commiserate here with you. It does suck, alot.

What belief is that?

Catholic, maybe. 2 women in my infertility support group would not pursue IUI or IVF due to being staunch Catholics. TI only for them. One ended up getting pregnant, and the other eventually tried to adopt. Not sure if she was ever successful with that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally empathize, OP. I’ve never even had a + before. And pursuing IVF is against my beliefs so I’m triply feeling the suck. Not trying to make this about me, but I hope it’s okay to commiserate here with you. It does suck, alot.

What belief is that?

PP is correct, I’m a practicing Catholic.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry OP. It totally sucks, but maybe hearing about people who are worse off could help - I mean this sincerely.

I was ready to be married/with house/and try for a baby at 26, but it took me until I was 40 to get married. We jumped into IVF and did 8 rounds, had 3 chemical pregnancies and 1 miscarriage. Finally turned to using an egg donor (an immensely stressful and sad decision initially) but we have a wonderful daughter and I'm in the 2ww for baby #2.

Life did not turn out as planned AT ALL. I'm definately a much older mom than I wanted to be, and we had to use a donor, which I never would have imagined. And my younger sister had 3 kids before I had my one. But this is how it unfolded for me and I accept it and love every day of my life with our little family. I am not letting my disappointment about how things turned out steal my joy of having my wonderful husband and baby today.

Anyway, just thought I'd share for some perspective - I get it that things feel really bad now, but you could have a lot of joy and happiness in store. I wish I could have done IVF at your age and possibly had a baby with my own eggs and been a younger mom. Sending you good vibes!

[Anonymous]

Buying home has nothing to do with it, Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buying home has nothing to do with it, Op.

Many landlords refuse to rent to couples with children.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry OP. I went through many years of infertility in my 20s and it was an extremely dark time. Fast forward and now I’m accidentally pregnant with a 4th and going through a divorce from an absentee husband who rarely sees our kids. All this to say that sometimes you get what you wish for and sometimes life throws you another curveball. I hope you get everything you wish for.

[Anonymous]

For the Catholics where I the Bible does it say no to IVF? Do you think Jesus would have been against it? Where is this even coming from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the Catholics where I the Bible does it say no to IVF? Do you think Jesus would have been against it? Where is this even coming from?

My understanding is that fertilization has to occur inside the womb per the church’s latest guidance, so no ivf, but it does allow for IUI and fertility assistance like certain drugs.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. I knew I wanted to have kids at 16, and had my first at 25. But I have no career, because he was born with special needs and our best option was for me to stay home.

There are no guarantees in life. I know it's awful to see all these people around you get the life you wanted, while you struggle to get it. Best wishes. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m really struggling as I watch everyone around us begin and continue to expand their families. I’ve wanted a baby and a house and a family life since I was 27 years old! I am 36 now and while I was waiting to TTC as we were building our careers, others had already begun having babies, buying homes. Over the past 2 years I’ve had 2 ectopics and now I’m being referred to fertility clinics as the only way to have a baby. Meanwhile at this point even our younger siblings have started having babies and buying homes.

I’m a mess.

36 isn't that old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the Catholics where I the Bible does it say no to IVF? Do you think Jesus would have been against it? Where is this even coming from?

NP - can we please leave the judgement out of this?

The practice we go to has many devout Muslim clients; I am not Muslim but I’ve chatted with a few (every one so far has been happy to chat, commiserate, etc). One woman explained that, in her faith, they needed to collect her husband’s sample using a condom.

I didn’t demand an explanation or justification as to why. And in my opinion, nor should you.

It’s her faith and her right, OK?

Don’t judge.