Staying fit for spouse

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I’m a bit heavier than before kids and I hate it. I’d love to lose weight for myself and I’m sure my DH would enjoy it. We both like being active so it’s important to me to be able to do the things I want to do. I also have some really really obese family members and to some extent I feel like I’m doing pretty well compared to what you might expect based on my genetics. I have to work pretty hard to stay just a little heavy. But I could still do better. Every time I really feel like I have energy for really focusing on this a kid gets sick or my life gets insane in some other way and it’s generally on me to handle it. So I really would not appreciate if my DH was resentful of how I look without helping me get to a place I could do more. My DH isn’t working out to the extent yours is(he has a big job and mostly works) but he is a healthy weight or close but I’m probably fitter in terms of my activity level and strength because I try keep up some exercise no matter what. I don’t know how I’d feel if my DH was working out for hours. Probably resentful because I enjoy exercise and would like to do more. YMMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Eat healthy and exercise for yourself. Don't get caught up in calorie deficits or agonizing over the scale. Starvation, diets that rely on strict denial of foods, and maniacal exercise goals are going to cause more dysfunction and misery than a few extra pounds. So, I mean don't be a lump on the couch binging ice cream for months at a time. But if you're weighing your carrots on a food scale before you go run 20 miles, that's not right either.

On the relationship side, my guess is that focusing on being good at sex will be a lot easier and more rewarding to both of you than whatever it is you need to do to maintain a certain weight. I don't know your husband, but my strong suspicion is that if you're a hellcat in bed, 180# or whatever it happens to be will be A-OK with your husband.

Hellcat?

What's the issue with that? Substitute with "fun in bed" if that word is problematic.

If you have to ask

Really, I do have to ask. I have no clue why using "hellcat" as a colorful description for "good in bed" is a bad thing. I don't know if you're unable to articulate the issue or simply unwilling. You're clearly under no obligation. But the nature of your objection is not clear to me.

It will never be clear to people like you. Just move on.

Women shouldn't have to be good at sex any more than they should have to be appealing to the male gaze. Expectations that they be "pretty" or "exciting in bed" are patriarchal.

This viewpoint is so tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

It’s not dieting to track calories and realize oh wow X is 300 calories, who knew.

Adding 1/2 avocado to my turkey sandwich adds 170 calories a tomato slice 22 calories.

Its education

The avocado has more nutritional value.

Not really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat healthy and exercise for yourself. Don't get caught up in calorie deficits or agonizing over the scale. Starvation, diets that rely on strict denial of foods, and maniacal exercise goals are going to cause more dysfunction and misery than a few extra pounds. So, I mean don't be a lump on the couch binging ice cream for months at a time. But if you're weighing your carrots on a food scale before you go run 20 miles, that's not right either.

On the relationship side, my guess is that focusing on being good at sex will be a lot easier and more rewarding to both of you than whatever it is you need to do to maintain a certain weight. I don't know your husband, but my strong suspicion is that if you're a hellcat in bed, 180# or whatever it happens to be will be A-OK with your husband.

Hellcat?

What's the issue with that? Substitute with "fun in bed" if that word is problematic.

If you have to ask

Really, I do have to ask. I have no clue why using "hellcat" as a colorful description for "good in bed" is a bad thing. I don't know if you're unable to articulate the issue or simply unwilling. You're clearly under no obligation. But the nature of your objection is not clear to me.

It will never be clear to people like you. Just move on.

Women shouldn't have to be good at sex any more than they should have to be appealing to the male gaze. Expectations that they be "pretty" or "exciting in bed" are patriarchal.

This viewpoint is so tired.

Lol, I told you it would never be clear to your ilk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I appreciate the comments. On some level I wish being thin was more important to me, but it just isn’t. I have a demanding job that is rewarding (and I love). My children play travel sports so we are frequently traveling. I know how to make good food choices, it just isn’t easy with our lifestyle and I’m not really motivated to do so. I still like and enjoy some unhealthy food.

Regarding health, many women in my family are overweight. My grandmother was over 300 and she lived to 93. She was active, traveled, and her weight didn't seem to hold her back. Maybe this is why I don’t feel a health need to lose weight. It feels like more of an aesthetic issue.

DH is kind and doesn’t shame me for my weight. He is very fit and runs/lifts almost daily. We still exercise together and have an active lifestyle. He doesn’t seem to like that my weight also affects what I wear. But I’m 50, and I have no interest in dressing sexy at my age. If I were to lose weight, it would be to look better for him. I’m not internally motivated to try to be hot over 50.

If he runs and lifts daily, your weight bothers him a lot more than he's letting on. You should never be complacent in your marriage. Cheaters don't weigh the consequences before cheating -- they think with another head. Gaining 50 pounds is a bait and switch.

I can show you a gazillion guys who lift and run who are fat AF.

[Anonymous]

I workout for myself. Period. I grew up playing travel soccer very competitively, high school soccer and track, etc. I was always used to training. In my 20s/early 30s I ran many marathons, did Spin classes and prior to that every exercise fad--step aerobics, Jane Fonda in the 80s, etc. I love the feeling of exercise and so need it for my mental health.

Exercise to me is like brushing your teeth. It's something that should be done every day (or almost every day). My off days are yoga.

I have always worked full-time. I have two teens and I'm 52 and my body is fit and my skin is clear. Genetics have meant I never looked skinny and I was never skinny---I have more of a J-Lo or fit curvier body--but its more like Jennifer Aniston with age.

I like fashion and I like myself when I'm fit. I'm not depressed.

I am aging very well and have modeled good habits for my teen sons.

For women, in particular, I think athletics as kids/teens is so important. I knew the way inside and out of a weight room and what pushing yourself to the limits and be mentally tough from that. Some people never learn that and have a hard time picking up exercise for the first time in middle age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I workout for myself. Period. I grew up playing travel soccer very competitively, high school soccer and track, etc. I was always used to training. In my 20s/early 30s I ran many marathons, did Spin classes and prior to that every exercise fad--step aerobics, Jane Fonda in the 80s, etc. I love the feeling of exercise and so need it for my mental health.

Exercise to me is like brushing your teeth. It's something that should be done every day (or almost every day). My off days are yoga.

I have always worked full-time. I have two teens and I'm 52 and my body is fit and my skin is clear. Genetics have meant I never looked skinny and I was never skinny---I have more of a J-Lo or fit curvier body--but its more like Jennifer Aniston with age.

I like fashion and I like myself when I'm fit. I'm not depressed.

I am aging very well and have modeled good habits for my teen sons.

For women, in particular, I think athletics as kids/teens is so important. I knew the way inside and out of a weight room and what pushing yourself to the limits and be mentally tough from that. Some people never learn that and have a hard time picking up exercise for the first time in middle age.

So you’re type A, without saying you’re Type A

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

There is a difference between calorie counting and making healthier food choices. A lot of people find that with cleaner, more selective eating choices, not only does weight come off, but better energy, fewer aches, better sleep follow. If your mindset is to cut calories just to drop weight, I can see this being a problem. But if you change your lifestyle (which can include eating), and like the benefits, you are more likely to keep it up.

Just FYI, plenty of very fit and beautiful women are cheated on every day. It's great you are fit, but it doesn't mean you won't experience cheating. Some of the most beautiful friends I have, have gone through being cheated on...and they have the whole package--fit, gorgeous, great jobs, fun, great moms and wives, etc. In fact, some men cheat because of that inferiority that the feel and affair down to get validation from a woman who feels lucky to be banging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH aside, I would look at 50lbs and wonder what it means for my long term health. I get weight loss challenges: I went through early menopause at 42, and I have thyroid issues. But I continue to fight the fight against my weight because I worry about things like Type 2 diabetes, issues with my heart and arteries, and wear and tear on joints.

+1,
Hi OP,
10-15 percent gain is the most I'll myself be okay with, health wise.
If you are truly eating 2000 cal per day , you should be losing to maintain 180lbs it is around 2700 calories? Start to log in your calorie intake for 3 days and go from there?

Also, 130 lbs you were skinny or lower end of normal, your 160lb goal is on the spot!

BMI: 29.1 (Overweight)

This BMI is considered overweight. Being overweight may increase the risk of certain health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. Waist-to-hip ratio, waist-to-height ratio, and body fat percentage measurements can provide a more complete picture of any health risks. A person should consult with their healthcare provider and consider making lifestyle changes through healthy eating and fitness to improve their health indicators.

For this height, a weight range of 114.6–154.3 lb is a normal BMI.

[Anonymous]

I think I once read a quote by Dan Savage saying that we owe it to our partner fitness wise to be the older version of the person they fell in love with, in part by staying within 15-20 pounds (or so, don't remember his exact numbers)of what you were when you met.

I'm down with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I workout for myself. Period. I grew up playing travel soccer very competitively, high school soccer and track, etc. I was always used to training. In my 20s/early 30s I ran many marathons, did Spin classes and prior to that every exercise fad--step aerobics, Jane Fonda in the 80s, etc. I love the feeling of exercise and so need it for my mental health.

Exercise to me is like brushing your teeth. It's something that should be done every day (or almost every day). My off days are yoga.

I have always worked full-time. I have two teens and I'm 52 and my body is fit and my skin is clear. Genetics have meant I never looked skinny and I was never skinny---I have more of a J-Lo or fit curvier body--but its more like Jennifer Aniston with age.

I like fashion and I like myself when I'm fit. I'm not depressed.

I am aging very well and have modeled good habits for my teen sons.

For women, in particular, I think athletics as kids/teens is so important. I knew the way inside and out of a weight room and what pushing yourself to the limits and be mentally tough from that. Some people never learn that and have a hard time picking up exercise for the first time in middle age.

So you’re type A, without saying you’re Type A

Ha. You know it's funny. I'm very lazy about everything else. I'm not a great at cleaning/keeping the house my husband does that. It takes a lot to get me motivated in other areas of life. Yet with grades in school and exercise I leaned towards type A...every single other thing I am a huge type B. I was awful on maternity leaves without structure...making a call to schedule an appointment seemed over-whelming. I need a lot of structure in my life. I guess exercise provides some of that.

But, you wouldn't call be type A if you met me outwardly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

There is a difference between calorie counting and making healthier food choices. A lot of people find that with cleaner, more selective eating choices, not only does weight come off, but better energy, fewer aches, better sleep follow. If your mindset is to cut calories just to drop weight, I can see this being a problem. But if you change your lifestyle (which can include eating), and like the benefits, you are more likely to keep it up.

Just FYI, plenty of very fit and beautiful women are cheated on every day. It's great you are fit, but it doesn't mean you won't experience cheating. Some of the most beautiful friends I have, have gone through being cheated on...and they have the whole package--fit, gorgeous, great jobs, fun, great moms and wives, etc. In fact, some men cheat because of that inferiority that the feel and affair down to get validation from a woman who feels lucky to be banging him.

The response had nothing to do with cheating. Weird that you turned it into that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I workout for myself. Period. I grew up playing travel soccer very competitively, high school soccer and track, etc. I was always used to training. In my 20s/early 30s I ran many marathons, did Spin classes and prior to that every exercise fad--step aerobics, Jane Fonda in the 80s, etc. I love the feeling of exercise and so need it for my mental health.

Exercise to me is like brushing your teeth. It's something that should be done every day (or almost every day). My off days are yoga.

I have always worked full-time. I have two teens and I'm 52 and my body is fit and my skin is clear. Genetics have meant I never looked skinny and I was never skinny---I have more of a J-Lo or fit curvier body--but its more like Jennifer Aniston with age.

I like fashion and I like myself when I'm fit. I'm not depressed.

I am aging very well and have modeled good habits for my teen sons.

For women, in particular, I think athletics as kids/teens is so important. I knew the way inside and out of a weight room and what pushing yourself to the limits and be mentally tough from that. Some people never learn that and have a hard time picking up exercise for the first time in middle age.

So you’re type A, without saying you’re Type A

Ha. You know it's funny. I'm very lazy about everything else. I'm not a great at cleaning/keeping the house my husband does that. It takes a lot to get me motivated in other areas of life. Yet with grades in school and exercise I leaned towards type A...every single other thing I am a huge type B. I was awful on maternity leaves without structure...making a call to schedule an appointment seemed over-whelming. I need a lot of structure in my life. I guess exercise provides some of that.

But, you wouldn't call be type A if you met me outwardly.

Self reflection would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

I (man) stay fit because I feel better and I sleep better...and it sets an example for my sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

There is a difference between calorie counting and making healthier food choices. A lot of people find that with cleaner, more selective eating choices, not only does weight come off, but better energy, fewer aches, better sleep follow. If your mindset is to cut calories just to drop weight, I can see this being a problem. But if you change your lifestyle (which can include eating), and like the benefits, you are more likely to keep it up.

Just FYI, plenty of very fit and beautiful women are cheated on every day. It's great you are fit, but it doesn't mean you won't experience cheating. Some of the most beautiful friends I have, have gone through being cheated on...and they have the whole package--fit, gorgeous, great jobs, fun, great moms and wives, etc. In fact, some men cheat because of that inferiority that the feel and affair down to get validation from a woman who feels lucky to be banging him.

The response had nothing to do with cheating. Weird that you turned it into that.

It was put on the wrong post. It was meant for this one:

I'm 5'6 and 130 is the absolute ceiling of how much I'll let myself weigh as above that I feel heavy when I do the things I love. But part of it is also makes me feel powerful in my marriage, in a sense. DH knows that other men find me attractive and that, for many reasons, he better not f* around.[b]