Staying fit for spouse

[Anonymous]

But the biggest predictor of a child's success is the educational level of the mother, so an MD can't just be some worthless feminist pursuit after all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piping up here to say that I’m all for body sovereignty and “getting fit” if that’s what a person chooses but f society for acting like more weight automatically devalues people. I haven’t read every comment but I’ve seen enough and holy hell. Why is everyone so afraid of a few extra pounds? It’s such an obsession that maybe we should ask ourselves why this generates an unreadably long thread instead of assuming that if we aren’t striving to be smaller, we should be so that other people will treat us better and love us more.

It may be harsh, but gaining an extra 40% of your body weight devalues a woman (and men) in the sexual marketplace. Does it devalue personality or other internal characteristics? No. But if my wife had been 45 lbs heavier when I first met her, we could have been friends but I would not have been romantically interested. I think this is true for most people. Part of being a good partner is not letting yourself go. A woman who looked good at 135 and now weights 175 has definitely let herself go, and her spouse is totally justified in resenting that.

So what? There are a lot of things that have decreased my value on the sexual marketplace since I met my DH. I had four children, got my MD, and got 15 years older. Two of these three were totally within my control. Is my husband totally justified in resenting me for doing these things?

NP
Aging can't be helped, the MD is irrelevant or positive but never a negative. That 40% though... that's a real negative. Not insurmountable, but we're going to have to put some work in.

Kids, advanced degrees, and being older are all negatives for a woman on the dating market. Sorry to burst your bubble.

What bubble do you live in where an MD is a negative for a woman?

Where are you people from?

NP. I grew up in DC but live elsewhere, and an MD is definitely a negative here.

If you stay within your own circles, MD isn’t a negative. Almost all my female doctor friends are married to other doctors. It may be more difficult to marry outside your circle or to wealthy men who expect their wives to cater to the man’s career needs. Most men I know prefer a wife who can make a good salary and help balance the financial pressure in the family. These are men making $150-300K/year.

Personally, I don't have that many options. I'm happily married, but I can tell you that even with my lowly masters degree, it's difficult to make friends in a town where the college graduation rate is under 5%. Last time I tried, someone mocked my vocabulary...

[Anonymous]

I am 107 lbs. With 4 kids and just finalized my divorce. My husband cheated 3 times in our marriage. Being very tiny did not keep him, regardless of what DCUM says. My husband never really commented on my size but his girlfriend now is about 40 pounds heavier than me. I do not like the feeling of eating until I am full so I eat tiny portions and ride my bike or run when I feel like it. I am actually not type A either. So, do what you want to do to feel your best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH aside, I would look at 50lbs and wonder what it means for my long term health. I get weight loss challenges: I went through early menopause at 42, and I have thyroid issues. But I continue to fight the fight against my weight because I worry about things like Type 2 diabetes, issues with my heart and arteries, and wear and tear on joints.

+1,
Hi OP,
10-15 percent gain is the most I'll myself be okay with, health wise.
If you are truly eating 2000 cal per day , you should be losing to maintain 180lbs it is around 2700 calories? Start to log in your calorie intake for 3 days and go from there?

Also, 130 lbs you were skinny or lower end of normal, your 160lb goal is on the spot!

BMI: 29.1 (Overweight)

This BMI is considered overweight. Being overweight may increase the risk of certain health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. Waist-to-hip ratio, waist-to-height ratio, and body fat percentage measurements can provide a more complete picture of any health risks. A person should consult with their healthcare provider and consider making lifestyle changes through healthy eating and fitness to improve their health indicators.

For this height, a weight range of 114.6–154.3 lb is a normal BMI.

Actually if you put her details into a BMR calculator (50, F, 5’6”, 180lbs), with a sedentary lifestyle, her daily caloric requirement is only 1741 calories. So she’s eating to gain if she’s eating 2000+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 107 lbs. With 4 kids and just finalized my divorce. My husband cheated 3 times in our marriage. Being very tiny did not keep him, regardless of what DCUM says. My husband never really commented on my size but his girlfriend now is about 40 pounds heavier than me. I do not like the feeling of eating until I am full so I eat tiny portions and ride my bike or run when I feel like it. I am actually not type A either. So, do what you want to do to feel your best.

PP is right because it's not about the spouse being cheated on. It doesn't matter what *you* do, if spouse chooses to be unfaithful or leave, that is on them and their own issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH aside, I would look at 50lbs and wonder what it means for my long term health. I get weight loss challenges: I went through early menopause at 42, and I have thyroid issues. But I continue to fight the fight against my weight because I worry about things like Type 2 diabetes, issues with my heart and arteries, and wear and tear on joints.

+1,
Hi OP,
10-15 percent gain is the most I'll myself be okay with, health wise.
If you are truly eating 2000 cal per day , you should be losing to maintain 180lbs it is around 2700 calories? Start to log in your calorie intake for 3 days and go from there?

Also, 130 lbs you were skinny or lower end of normal, your 160lb goal is on the spot!

BMI: 29.1 (Overweight)

This BMI is considered overweight. Being overweight may increase the risk of certain health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes. Waist-to-hip ratio, waist-to-height ratio, and body fat percentage measurements can provide a more complete picture of any health risks. A person should consult with their healthcare provider and consider making lifestyle changes through healthy eating and fitness to improve their health indicators.

For this height, a weight range of 114.6–154.3 lb is a normal BMI.

Actually if you put her details into a BMR calculator (50, F, 5’6”, 180lbs), with a sedentary lifestyle, her daily caloric requirement is only 1741 calories. So she’s eating to gain if she’s eating 2000+

She said that she has little kids and exercises daily. That’s not a sedentary lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think anyone (well at least I’m not) is saying being thin will prevent affairs.

We’re saying that letting yourself go can make it more likely that they happen.

Slightly different things/an incorrect negation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 107 lbs. With 4 kids and just finalized my divorce. My husband cheated 3 times in our marriage. Being very tiny did not keep him, regardless of what DCUM says. My husband never really commented on my size but his girlfriend now is about 40 pounds heavier than me. I do not like the feeling of eating until I am full so I eat tiny portions and ride my bike or run when I feel like it. I am actually not type A either. So, do what you want to do to feel your best.

PP is right because it's not about the spouse being cheated on. It doesn't matter what *you* do, if spouse chooses to be unfaithful or leave, that is on them and their own issues.

It's kind of like a vaccine. Being fit and sexual isn't going to prevent all cheating, but it definitely improves your odds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 107 lbs. With 4 kids and just finalized my divorce. My husband cheated 3 times in our marriage. Being very tiny did not keep him, regardless of what DCUM says. My husband never really commented on my size but his girlfriend now is about 40 pounds heavier than me. I do not like the feeling of eating until I am full so I eat tiny portions and ride my bike or run when I feel like it. I am actually not type A either. So, do what you want to do to feel your best.

This is an interesting post, which seems like stream of consciousness points. My only takeaway is that your ex is a jerk and that has nothing to do with you or your appearance.