Staying fit for spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get it. Having a healthy varied diet is so much fun! And I don’t mean diet in a restrictive sense. I mean colourful Buddha bowls with lots of different toppings in it, it can be different every time. Heathy proteins and heart healthy fats. Just open Instagram, tons of recipes there. I love eating healthy and I love exercising. I feel so deflated heavy and blah after holidays, ready to hit the gym and excited to get back to my routine.

Some of us have a healthy diet, exercise daily and still can't lose weight. At least you admit that you don't understand others' experiences. Thin people are not more virtuous than overweight people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get it. Having a healthy varied diet is so much fun! And I don’t mean diet in a restrictive sense. I mean colourful Buddha bowls with lots of different toppings in it, it can be different every time. Heathy proteins and heart healthy fats. Just open Instagram, tons of recipes there. I love eating healthy and I love exercising. I feel so deflated heavy and blah after holidays, ready to hit the gym and excited to get back to my routine.

Some of us have a healthy diet, exercise daily and still can't lose weight. At least you admit that you don't understand others' experiences. Thin people are not more virtuous than overweight people.

Sometimes, they have more self-control. I say this as someone who is hypothyroid, so my scale seems stuck. But eating whatever you want, whenever your want without regard to your health can be a behavioral issue. I don’t think it’s useful to paint it as all or not. Weight gain happens for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

50 lbs overweight? Based on her height alone, a normal weight is 118–148 lb. Overweight is 155-179. At 180 she is overweight/ borderline obese. Without knowing other information, what can you conclude about her overall health? Don't through out terms that you can't explain.

I know in DCUM world, overweight, obesity equates to automatically unhealthy but there is so much more to health than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piping up here to say that I’m all for body sovereignty and “getting fit” if that’s what a person chooses but f society for acting like more weight automatically devalues people. I haven’t read every comment but I’ve seen enough and holy hell. Why is everyone so afraid of a few extra pounds? It’s such an obsession that maybe we should ask ourselves why this generates an unreadably long thread instead of assuming that if we aren’t striving to be smaller, we should be so that other people will treat us better and love us more.

It may be harsh, but gaining an extra 40% of your body weight devalues a woman (and men) in the sexual marketplace. Does it devalue personality or other internal characteristics? No. But if my wife had been 45 lbs heavier when I first met her, we could have been friends but I would not have been romantically interested. I think this is true for most people. Part of being a good partner is not letting yourself go. A woman who looked good at 135 and now weights 175 has definitely let herself go, and her spouse is totally justified in resenting that.

It's the truth for most people.

I was 138 pounds when I married my DH. I am 180 now. You wouldn't even recognize me. My face is completely different. It's bloated and some kind of shape . I can see the surprise on people's faces when they look at our wedding pictures on the wall. They can't believe I used to be thst attractive.

Weight drastically changes one's looks.

Again. Don’t speak for everyone. I know many people that have gained weight 50th lbs and still look amazing,

Age drastically changes one looks no matter your weight. Skin does tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piping up here to say that I’m all for body sovereignty and “getting fit” if that’s what a person chooses but f society for acting like more weight automatically devalues people. I haven’t read every comment but I’ve seen enough and holy hell. Why is everyone so afraid of a few extra pounds? It’s such an obsession that maybe we should ask ourselves why this generates an unreadably long thread instead of assuming that if we aren’t striving to be smaller, we should be so that other people will treat us better and love us more.

It may be harsh, but gaining an extra 40% of your body weight devalues a woman (and men) in the sexual marketplace. Does it devalue personality or other internal characteristics? No. But if my wife had been 45 lbs heavier when I first met her, we could have been friends but I would not have been romantically interested. I think this is true for most people. Part of being a good partner is not letting yourself go. A woman who looked good at 135 and now weights 175 has definitely let herself go, and her spouse is totally justified in resenting that.

It's the truth for most people.

I was 138 pounds when I married my DH. I am 180 now. You wouldn't even recognize me. My face is completely different. It's bloated and some kind of shape . I can see the surprise on people's faces when they look at our wedding pictures on the wall. They can't believe I used to be thst attractive.

Weight drastically changes one's looks.

Again. Don’t speak for everyone. I know many people that have gained weight 50th lbs and still look amazing,

Age drastically changes one looks no matter your weight. Skin does tell.

See most in first sentence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get it. Having a healthy varied diet is so much fun! And I don’t mean diet in a restrictive sense. I mean colourful Buddha bowls with lots of different toppings in it, it can be different every time. Heathy proteins and heart healthy fats. Just open Instagram, tons of recipes there. I love eating healthy and I love exercising. I feel so deflated heavy and blah after holidays, ready to hit the gym and excited to get back to my routine.

OMG- you are insta-mazing! Can't wait to follow you! #ToxicPositivity! #Zeroempathy!

[Anonymous]

125 is the max weight for 5 6 if you want to look good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piping up here to say that I’m all for body sovereignty and “getting fit” if that’s what a person chooses but f society for acting like more weight automatically devalues people. I haven’t read every comment but I’ve seen enough and holy hell. Why is everyone so afraid of a few extra pounds? It’s such an obsession that maybe we should ask ourselves why this generates an unreadably long thread instead of assuming that if we aren’t striving to be smaller, we should be so that other people will treat us better and love us more.

It may be harsh, but gaining an extra 40% of your body weight devalues a woman (and men) in the sexual marketplace. Does it devalue personality or other internal characteristics? No. But if my wife had been 45 lbs heavier when I first met her, we could have been friends but I would not have been romantically interested. I think this is true for most people. Part of being a good partner is not letting yourself go. A woman who looked good at 135 and now weights 175 has definitely let herself go, and her spouse is totally justified in resenting that.

It's the truth for most people.

I was 138 pounds when I married my DH. I am 180 now. You wouldn't even recognize me. My face is completely different. It's bloated and some kind of shape . I can see the surprise on people's faces when they look at our wedding pictures on the wall. They can't believe I used to be thst attractive.

Weight drastically changes one's looks.

Do you want your wife(spouse) active on the sexual marketplace (Ew. I can't even type that without laughing)?

There are many many reasons to resent your spouse, sure add not being "valued in the sexual marketplace" as one of them. But you would resent your spouse more if they were active in the "sexual marketplace" more than if they lost "value" Which, trust me, will happen anyway. Perhaps you need to come to terms with the fact that age, baggage and life in general will also devalue YOU (and anyone) in the dating world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

Yep. So many women blame pregnancy for being overweight. Does pregnancy make you gain weight? Yes of course. Is it hard to lose the baby weight? Yes. But there isn’t any difference in the ability of a woman who has been pregnant in losing some extra pounds and maintaining a healthy weight. It is sad so many women have babies and just accept having to shop in the plus size department for the rest of their lives. You should be trying to maintain your health for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

Yep. So many women blame pregnancy for being overweight. Does pregnancy make you gain weight? Yes of course. Is it hard to lose the baby weight? Yes. But there isn’t any difference in the ability of a woman who has been pregnant in losing some extra pounds and maintaining a healthy weight. It is sad so many women have babies and just accept having to shop in the plus size department for the rest of their lives. You should be trying to maintain your health for your family.

YEP. You should definitely add more requirements to being a “good mother” in the extraordinary society that is America.

We are very, very well know for provide ZERO services to parents when compared to 120 other nations. So sure, add maintaining weight to a mom’s list of things to do with little resources.

If you want to argue this: Man up and lobby for paid maternity and paternity leave, paid day care and universal health care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

Yep. So many women blame pregnancy for being overweight. Does pregnancy make you gain weight? Yes of course. Is it hard to lose the baby weight? Yes. But there isn’t any difference in the ability of a woman who has been pregnant in losing some extra pounds and maintaining a healthy weight. It is sad so many women have babies and just accept having to shop in the plus size department for the rest of their lives. You should be trying to maintain your health for your family.

YEP. You should definitely add more requirements to being a “good mother” in the extraordinary society that is America.

We are very, very well know for provide ZERO services to parents when compared to 120 other nations. So sure, add maintaining weight to a mom’s list of things to do with little resources.

If you want to argue this: Man up and lobby for paid maternity and paternity leave, paid day care and universal health care.

So, 120 other nations are providing Scandinavian-tier social support…120…you need to get out in the world a bit more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much effort do you put into staying fit for your spouse if you know they will not leave? I’ve had 3 children, and I’ve gained weight after each pregnancy. DH has commented that I’m heavier than when we met. And he’s correct, I am heavier. At 5’6”, I was 130 when we married, and I’m 180 now. My happy weight is 160, but I think 140 is where he’s most attracted to me. I work out regularly, but really struggle with eating in a calorie deficit. Im just miserable when I’m eating less than 2000 calories a day.

I know DH will not leave over my weight. We have children and a life built together. Financially we’d both struggle if we separated. We still have regular sex (2-3x a week). My weights doesn’t keep me from doing all the stuff we like to do. It’s just an appearance issue. I just don’t have any motivation to put in all the work to get back to 140 when I’d only be doing it for DH.

It appears like many overweight men feel the same. They know their wives won’t leave, so they remain overweight. Does anyone stay fit exclusively for their spouse if they know it’s not a deal breaker for the marriage?

Don't blame your pregnancies on being 50lbs overweight!!! Lose weight for yourself and your health first. DH us a close second. Imagine yourself in 10 years. It's not just vanity. Vanity is a distant reason to keep trim, although important I suppose. But number 1 reason is your health. Metabolic health specifically. Get a grip now.

Yep. So many women blame pregnancy for being overweight. Does pregnancy make you gain weight? Yes of course. Is it hard to lose the baby weight? Yes. But there isn’t any difference in the ability of a woman who has been pregnant in losing some extra pounds and maintaining a healthy weight. It is sad so many women have babies and just accept having to shop in the plus size department for the rest of their lives. You should be trying to maintain your health for your family.

YEP. You should definitely add more requirements to being a “good mother” in the extraordinary society that is America.

We are very, very well know for provide ZERO services to parents when compared to 120 other nations. So sure, add maintaining weight to a mom’s list of things to do with little resources.

If you want to argue this: Man up and lobby for paid maternity and paternity leave, paid day care and universal health care.

Right? And also, “it’s so sad” that women have to shop in the plus size department? Why does it concern you? Plus size is not a tragedy, it’s just another way to accommodate differently-sized bodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piping up here to say that I’m all for body sovereignty and “getting fit” if that’s what a person chooses but f society for acting like more weight automatically devalues people. I haven’t read every comment but I’ve seen enough and holy hell. Why is everyone so afraid of a few extra pounds? It’s such an obsession that maybe we should ask ourselves why this generates an unreadably long thread instead of assuming that if we aren’t striving to be smaller, we should be so that other people will treat us better and love us more.

It may be harsh, but gaining an extra 40% of your body weight devalues a woman (and men) in the sexual marketplace. Does it devalue personality or other internal characteristics? No. But if my wife had been 45 lbs heavier when I first met her, we could have been friends but I would not have been romantically interested. I think this is true for most people. Part of being a good partner is not letting yourself go. A woman who looked good at 135 and now weights 175 has definitely let herself go, and her spouse is totally justified in resenting that.

So what? There are a lot of things that have decreased my value on the sexual marketplace since I met my DH. I had four children, got my MD, and got 15 years older. Two of these three were totally within my control. Is my husband totally justified in resenting me for doing these things?

[Anonymous]

The postpartum and little kid years are a time of massive upheaval and change for all moms--but anyone who has an undiagnosed psych/neuropsych disorders including comorbid eating disorders often have to deal with them for the first time after pregnancies.

I had no idea that I had ADHD (could keep it together we'll enough when I only had to worry about myself) but totally fell apart after my two pregnancies and turned to binge eating in an apparent effort to stimulate dopamine production and satisfy sensory seeking urges. In hindsight the diagnosis made so much sense but I was shocked. Most important, after starting stimulant medication I understood for the first time that brain chemistry always wins. If you have a steady supply of neurotransmitters, its a hell of a lot easier to stick to a diet then someone whose brain chemistry is constantly in flux. There's no way I would have lost the weight without meds. Just wanted to share my experience for everyone saying that pregnancy shouldn't ever lead to long term weight gain. Genetics and brain chemistry totally dictate how easily and quickly you can get your body back, not to mention your mind.