Staying fit for spouse

[Anonymous]

DH aside, I would look at 50lbs and wonder what it means for my long term health. I get weight loss challenges: I went through early menopause at 42, and I have thyroid issues. But I continue to fight the fight against my weight because I worry about things like Type 2 diabetes, issues with my heart and arteries, and wear and tear on joints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat healthy and exercise for yourself. Don't get caught up in calorie deficits or agonizing over the scale. Starvation, diets that rely on strict denial of foods, and maniacal exercise goals are going to cause more dysfunction and misery than a few extra pounds. So, I mean don't be a lump on the couch binging ice cream for months at a time. But if you're weighing your carrots on a food scale before you go run 20 miles, that's not right either.

On the relationship side, my guess is that focusing on being good at sex will be a lot easier and more rewarding to both of you than whatever it is you need to do to maintain a certain weight. I don't know your husband, but my strong suspicion is that if you're a hellcat in bed, 180# or whatever it happens to be will be A-OK with your husband.

Hellcat?

What's the issue with that? Substitute with "fun in bed" if that word is problematic.

If you have to ask

Really, I do have to ask. I have no clue why using "hellcat" as a colorful description for "good in bed" is a bad thing. I don't know if you're unable to articulate the issue or simply unwilling. You're clearly under no obligation. But the nature of your objection is not clear to me.

[Anonymous]

Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

You’re still young but carrying an extra 50 pounds for 10 more years is going to take a toll on your joints, your insulin resistance, heart and libido. Your relative youth is likely regulating your mood and attitudes on life however when things start hurting and your hormones trend downward due to weight and lack of exercise that will all change, your husband will view you as a hindrance and his interest and attraction will also fade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

There is a difference between calorie counting and making healthier food choices. A lot of people find that with cleaner, more selective eating choices, not only does weight come off, but better energy, fewer aches, better sleep follow. If your mindset is to cut calories just to drop weight, I can see this being a problem. But if you change your lifestyle (which can include eating), and like the benefits, you are more likely to keep it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat healthy and exercise for yourself. Don't get caught up in calorie deficits or agonizing over the scale. Starvation, diets that rely on strict denial of foods, and maniacal exercise goals are going to cause more dysfunction and misery than a few extra pounds. So, I mean don't be a lump on the couch binging ice cream for months at a time. But if you're weighing your carrots on a food scale before you go run 20 miles, that's not right either.

On the relationship side, my guess is that focusing on being good at sex will be a lot easier and more rewarding to both of you than whatever it is you need to do to maintain a certain weight. I don't know your husband, but my strong suspicion is that if you're a hellcat in bed, 180# or whatever it happens to be will be A-OK with your husband.

Hellcat?

What's the issue with that? Substitute with "fun in bed" if that word is problematic.

If you have to ask

Really, I do have to ask. I have no clue why using "hellcat" as a colorful description for "good in bed" is a bad thing. I don't know if you're unable to articulate the issue or simply unwilling. You're clearly under no obligation. But the nature of your objection is not clear to me.

It will never be clear to people like you. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

It’s not dieting to track calories and realize oh wow X is 300 calories, who knew.

Adding 1/2 avocado to my turkey sandwich adds 170 calories a tomato slice 22 calories.

Its education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re still young but carrying an extra 50 pounds for 10 more years is going to take a toll on your joints, your insulin resistance, heart and libido. Your relative youth is likely regulating your mood and attitudes on life however when things start hurting and your hormones trend downward due to weight and lack of exercise that will all change, your husband will view you as a hindrance and his interest and attraction will also fade.

Lol she doesn’t have an extra 60 lbs she has an extra 25. She said she wants to lose 20 for herself. Her H’s expectation to be lower is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are any of you dieters worried you're going to mess up your metabolisms? Create an unhealthy relationship with food that counter-productively makes binging more likely?

I've been reading that an obsession with weight and calories can do more harm than good.

It’s not dieting to track calories and realize oh wow X is 300 calories, who knew.

Adding 1/2 avocado to my turkey sandwich adds 170 calories a tomato slice 22 calories.

Its education

The avocado has more nutritional value.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and I appreciate the comments. On some level I wish being thin was more important to me, but it just isn’t. I have a demanding job that is rewarding (and I love). My children play travel sports so we are frequently traveling. I know how to make good food choices, it just isn’t easy with our lifestyle and I’m not really motivated to do so. I still like and enjoy some unhealthy food.

Regarding health, many women in my family are overweight. My grandmother was over 300 and she lived to 93. She was active, traveled, and her weight didn't seem to hold her back. Maybe this is why I don’t feel a health need to lose weight. It feels like more of an aesthetic issue.

DH is kind and doesn’t shame me for my weight. He is very fit and runs/lifts almost daily. We still exercise together and have an active lifestyle. He doesn’t seem to like that my weight also affects what I wear. But I’m 50, and I have no interest in dressing sexy at my age. If I were to lose weight, it would be to look better for him. I’m not internally motivated to try to be hot over 50.

[Anonymous]

Zero. To me it seems extremely problematic to have your body entangled in your relationship like that.

[Anonymous]

I stay fit for myself. I'm still an athlete. I'm 5'6 and 130 is the absolute ceiling of how much I'll let myself weigh as above that I feel heavy when I do the things I love. But part of it is also makes me feel powerful in my marriage, in a sense. DH knows that other men find me attractive and that, for many reasons, he better not f* around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat healthy and exercise for yourself. Don't get caught up in calorie deficits or agonizing over the scale. Starvation, diets that rely on strict denial of foods, and maniacal exercise goals are going to cause more dysfunction and misery than a few extra pounds. So, I mean don't be a lump on the couch binging ice cream for months at a time. But if you're weighing your carrots on a food scale before you go run 20 miles, that's not right either.

On the relationship side, my guess is that focusing on being good at sex will be a lot easier and more rewarding to both of you than whatever it is you need to do to maintain a certain weight. I don't know your husband, but my strong suspicion is that if you're a hellcat in bed, 180# or whatever it happens to be will be A-OK with your husband.

Hellcat?

What's the issue with that? Substitute with "fun in bed" if that word is problematic.

If you have to ask

Really, I do have to ask. I have no clue why using "hellcat" as a colorful description for "good in bed" is a bad thing. I don't know if you're unable to articulate the issue or simply unwilling. You're clearly under no obligation. But the nature of your objection is not clear to me.

It will never be clear to people like you. Just move on.

Women shouldn't have to be good at sex any more than they should have to be appealing to the male gaze. Expectations that they be "pretty" or "exciting in bed" are patriarchal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I appreciate the comments. On some level I wish being thin was more important to me, but it just isn’t. I have a demanding job that is rewarding (and I love). My children play travel sports so we are frequently traveling. I know how to make good food choices, it just isn’t easy with our lifestyle and I’m not really motivated to do so. I still like and enjoy some unhealthy food.

Regarding health, many women in my family are overweight. My grandmother was over 300 and she lived to 93. She was active, traveled, and her weight didn't seem to hold her back. Maybe this is why I don’t feel a health need to lose weight. It feels like more of an aesthetic issue.

DH is kind and doesn’t shame me for my weight. He is very fit and runs/lifts almost daily. We still exercise together and have an active lifestyle. He doesn’t seem to like that my weight also affects what I wear. But I’m 50, and I have no interest in dressing sexy at my age. If I were to lose weight, it would be to look better for him. I’m not internally motivated to try to be hot over 50.

If he runs and lifts daily, your weight bothers him a lot more than he's letting on. You should never be complacent in your marriage. Cheaters don't weigh the consequences before cheating -- they think with another head. Gaining 50 pounds is a bait and switch.

[Anonymous]

I naturally look fit and go through phases of actually being fit versus slacking off. DH, however, is obese and has gained a lot of weight during our relationship and marriage. I keep asking him to lose weight, which he agrees to, but then can't follow through with. Oh, well.